Hare Krishna
PAMHO, AGTSP
I was seeking initiation from HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj, but he passed away last year. Now, I seek initiation from HH Bhakti Ashray Vaishnav Swami Maharaj.
I am regularly going to ISKCON Dwarka in Delhi.
I am also doing 16 rounds since last 5 years.
I am also attending Bhagawatam class online every day since last 5 years without fail (well almost). I am also managing the class now, coordinating book reading, hosting, making daily program presentation and weekly inviting speakers.
In the Deeksha process, the ISKCON Dwarka Management introduced below exams: -
1. Shradhavan
2. Krishna Sewak
3. Krishna Sadhak
4. Prabhupad Ashray
5. Gurupad Ashray
The exam process was so lenghy that it took almost 1 and half years to complete.
Now the temple took an interview before recommending me for deeksha, and said that you do online Bhagawatam, Dhritrashtra also did that.
They say you spend atleast one day in temple and serve there.
I do temple services sometimes, but mostly in trips and during festivals such as Janmashtami, we do book distribution, VIP Reception, Crowd Control etc.
Now Temple management is not impressed at all with Bhagawatam and insists to spend time in temple and read more Prabhupad Books.
For deeksha, they say come again after six months.
This has shattered me from within. I am feeling angry at small things. Twice I went to a 'liquor shop' but I realized I don't drink.
My body weight also has increased to 108 KG (height is 5 feet 7).
I feel totally lost and disgusted.
Please guide me and help me.
Replies
Hare Krsna Prabhu
I have deleted my previous reply.
Those who take initiation from HH Bhakti Asraya Vaisnava Swami Maharaja are very fortunate.
So, work towards it.
I recall that on the appearance day of Baladeva Vidyabhusana, he so nicely spoke about Baladeva Vidyabhusana, and how he so nicely presented the Govinda-bhasya commentary on Vedanta philosophy.
I beg you to attend his classes. He will also notice naturally that this boy is sincere. Isn't it?
And, ofcourse lose some weight.
Hari bol
Thank you Madhav Prabhu
Usually I wake up around 4:30, do chanting then 7-8 Bhagwatam class.
Then I sleep.
My shift starts at 1 PM IST. 10.30-11 PM I log out.
Now when to run, I am thinking.
Thank you Madav Prabhu, rejection made me humble and the process of shedding my overconfidence to being submissive and humble started.
I was praying regularly to Srila Prabhupad to take me out of the material world, I got a call today from temple and there was a meeting with my Ashray leader, Temple VP: HG Sri Gaur Pr, and temple President HG Pradyumna Priya Pr. My Deeksha got approved. Its all mercy of my Ashray leader HG Amal Krishna Prabhuji
Hare KRsna Prabhu,
PAMHO.
Good that you are doing so much sadhana. Its a lot of service.
However, to get diksha, we have to approach temple management. If the temple management has expectations from its initiated devotees, we have to understand and see where we fit in. They are looking for more offline service. Please see what is possible for you. The advantage with you is that you haev software background (if I remember correctly). So maybe you can approach the temple management and offer to use your software skills in the service of the lord. Maybe you could make poster invites, video invites, video bites for instagram or youtube shorts after any festival. That way, you can add value, in your domain, and in your space.
I know for a fact that our temples are struggling to find dedicated service from their devotees. So maybe your temple management is trying to ensure that commitment from initiated devotees. So see what is the best win win for both you and temple management.
Regarding body weight increasing - this should not be an excuse for increase in weight. It is in your interest to be physically fit and manage weight before health issues creep in.
Regarding being shattered from within, I can understand. We use every failure as a pillar to success. In fact, even Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Goswami maharaj had to chase his guru for a month, and in the end decide that he will commit suicide if rejected by guru yet again. That too, when he was considered the most erudite scholar of his time and he was aspiring to take diksha from a guru who was actually uneducated. We have to beg for the mercy of guru - we cannot demand prabhu.
Gurudev kripa bindu diya, koro ei dase, trinapekha ati hiiina - I am sure you would have heard this vaishnav bhajan. Meditate on it prabhu.
A good idea would be to calm down and to see objectively what is the gap between expectation and actual, and fulfill that gap.
Best of luck.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Thank you Mataji.
Btw there is not temple management that talks to us. It will always be a surprize why we are being rejected, but i will try to ask. Thank you for the pointers.
Krishna Bless you.
Hare Krishna, All Glories to Srila Prabhupad
Thank you Radha Rasmayi Mataji, rejection made me humble and the process of shedding my overconfidence to being submissive and humble started.
I was praying regularly to Srila Prabhupad to take me out of the material world, I got a call today from temple and there was a meeting with my Ashray leader, Temple VP: HG Sri Gaur Pr, and temple President HG Pradyumna Priya Pr. My Deeksha got approved. Its all mercy of my Ashray leader HG Amal Krishna Prabhuji
Hare Krsna
I am regularly going to ISKCON Dwarka in Delhi. I am also doing 16 rounds since last 5 years. I am also attending Bhagawatam class online every day since last 5 years without fail (well almost). I am also managing the class now, coordinating book reading, hosting, making daily program presentation and weekly inviting speakers.
These are extraordinary commitments towards Krsna consciousness.
All activities in Krsna consciousness/ bhakti may be divided broadly into 2 categories. - Bhagavata Vidhi and Pancharatra Vidhi
Bhagavata Vidhi : Includes Reading scriptures, hearing Krsna katha/ Kirtan, reciting Krsna katha/kirtan, Japa, discussion, writing books, creating content, book distribution etc
Pancharatra Vidhi: Includes services to deities like worship , offering, dressing, cooking etc. Services in temple like cleaning, decoration, construction, festival arrnagements, prasad distribution, etc
Srila Prabhupada has recommended that both Bhagavata Vidhi and Pancharatra Vidhi should go parallelly hand-in-in hand at individual level and at community/ temple level. One completes the other.
From what you have written, it seems that you have great eagerness for Bhagavata Vidhi, which is very exemplary.
Now Temple management is not impressed at all with Bhagawatam and insists to spend time in temple and read more Prabhupad Books. For deeksha, they say come again after six months.
Since you mentioned coordinating book reading, I assume you also do book reading. If that is the case, you should clearly inform the set of books you have completed reading to the concerned decision makers.
It seems that they also want you to take up some services in Pacharatra vidhi or temple services. This is a reasonable request since pancharatra services provides stability and commitment for a devotee at personal level also.
Please guide me and help me.
First is that you need clearly ask them for complete criteria for initiation. There should be no surprises for/from either you or them.
Is temple services a strict criteria for initation? If so, what services, how much services, who will be the in-charge who will give you those services and will monitor the same.
With this you can evaluate yourself if it is even feasible for you to adhere to the same. If you are unable to adhere, then please express to them and tell how much you will be able to do. In any case,please come to an agreement with them of how much and what services you need to do, and who will monitor the same. If I was in your place, I would go and inform that in-charge every week that prabhu/mataji I have performed these services in the temple in the last week. So they are aware of the same.
If you have to increase temple services you may have to reduce on some other things like hearing SB everyday, please clarify the same with them. As far as I know attend SB lecture everyday is not a requirement for initiation. Whatever it is , clarify the same and try to follow the same as much as possible.
I feel totally lost and disgusted.
I understand the disappointment, but there is no reason to be lost or disgusted. Because initiation is not a trophy that you win. Initiation is a personal commitment to guru and parampara that you will serve Sri Krsna. Initiation is a personal connection with guru & Sri Krsna. See this as a test that Sri Krsna and Guru are putting you in. You will fail the test by going to liquor shop.
Srila Prabhupada says he accepted Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur as his spiritual master the first day he met in 1922. Srila Prabhupada actually got initated after 10-11 years. Was Srila Prabhupada lost or disgusted by delay in initiation ? Not at all. In his own heart he was faithfully serving his spiritual master even before initiation.
So get clarification form concerned decision makers, and continue to serve guru, Prabhupada and Sri Krsna. This service to them is an individual's Spiritual wealth.
Srila Bhakivinod thakur writes - Seva sukha dukha parama sampada
Accumulate that wealth as much as possible. Initiation or No initiation, nobody can take away that wealth from you. But eventually by Krsna's mercy and willingness, things will happen, just as it did in life of Srila Prabhupada.
Hare Krsna
Thank you Bharat Prabhu, rejection made me humble and the process of shedding my overconfidence to being submissive and humble started.
I was praying regularly to Srila Prabhupad to take me out of the material world, I got a call today from temple and there was a meeting with my Ashray leader, Temple VP: HG Sri Gaur Pr, and temple President HG Pradyumna Priya Pr. My Deeksha got approved. Its all mercy of my Ashray leader HG Amal Krishna Prabhuji
Hare Krsna
Congratulations.
Please continue serving Guru, Srila Prabhupada & Sri Krsna
Hare Krsna
Thank you Bharat Prabhu. Hari Bol to your reply.
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