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Hare Krishna

PAMHO, AGTSP 

I was seeking initiation from HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj, but he passed away last year. Now, I seek initiation from HH Bhakti Ashray Vaishnav Swami Maharaj.

I am regularly going to ISKCON Dwarka in Delhi. 

I am also doing 16 rounds since last 5 years.

I am also attending Bhagawatam class online every day since last 5 years without fail (well almost). I am also managing the class now, coordinating book reading, hosting, making daily program presentation and weekly inviting speakers.

In the Deeksha process, the ISKCON Dwarka Management introduced below exams: -

1. Shradhavan

2. Krishna Sewak

3. Krishna Sadhak

4. Prabhupad Ashray

5. Gurupad Ashray

The exam process was so lenghy that it took almost 1 and half years to complete.

Now the temple took an interview before recommending me for deeksha, and said that you do online Bhagawatam, Dhritrashtra also did that.

They say you spend atleast one day in temple and serve there.

I do temple services sometimes, but mostly in trips and during festivals such as Janmashtami, we do book distribution, VIP Reception, Crowd Control etc.

Now Temple management is not impressed at all with Bhagawatam and insists to spend time in temple and read more Prabhupad Books.

For deeksha, they say come again after six months.

This has shattered me from within. I am feeling angry at small things. Twice I went to a 'liquor shop' but I realized I don't drink. 

My body weight also has increased to 108 KG (height is 5 feet 7).

I feel totally lost and disgusted. 

Please guide me and help me.