I have a important question to you all.
When are you too much for fellow devotees? Or feel like slavery or just too much?
When I joined the Iskcon movement 22 years ago, devotees asked me to do a lot of 'service'; cut veggies, build ratha yatra chariout, help here do groceries there etc etc... sometimes 3 or 5 devotees asking things of me at the same time for years! I can say I did love it and worked hard to please everyone to 'fit in' even though not initiated. Or say one of them...
Now is the thing. I am older and all the devotees asked things are gone/passed away or in elderly housing/dementing etc etc. BUT...the younger generation even thoose of my age are not willing to help me or nama hatta or tempel or whatever chores. How come? Are they fed up or lazy? Some are initiated and say it is too much to do stuff, they need to chant rounds instead of sweeping the floor or help me things like bring a tulsi plant to a fellow devotee who needs it(as for I do not have a car or meanss of transport).
So when devotional service is slavery, that is the question. A few young devotees told me they are not my slaves... uhm... what did I do all thoose years? I have no idea! Krishna test me I geuss?
Yes they are initiated and some 2nd initiation. I am just me, not initiatied but do my best to read, chant, do service etc. For many years building a ratha yatra chariot in 7 big cities and more. Not to brag, just ponit out I do it just because... not that I asked to do it, but appears on the spot and help Krishna on His way to get noticed by the masses. aka devotional service?
Like all posts I post I am very complicated and black&white of things. So when is it slavery when is it devotioal service? Fact is I do not have a job and am disabile for 100% I can't get a job it turns out. So many devoees give me chores to do ; cuz I not work anyways. Is that fair? One even just watched tv all evening and told me too busy so I have to do his chores to get merits uhm... right... and that's not the only person of excuses. I think I blasphame/aparada now, but still want to be heard and awnserd if people use me or I let me be used.
I know in scriptures one must be more humble than grass... yeah there it went wrong I bet, Devotees used that on me to do whatever they want me to do. (this is very dangerous saying I am aware, but still I say it) When Prabhupada told his devotees to do things or his spiritual master asked Prabhupada to go to the West he did it! Or devotees listen to Prabhupada, how different is it if I asked young devotees to do things for Krishna's devotees?? Like bring a tulsi? I am just having a melt down mentally... no words... am I a devotee or a demon? I don't know. Well there is no different between demon or devotee everything ends up (after many years and kalpas) at Krishna's home.