Hello everyone Hare Krishna 🙏
I am 27 years old I started my bhakti 2 years back when I was 25 and today I chant 16 rounds everyday. Honestly some difficult emotions still comes out from inside my heart.
I have a friend who is 30 years old and for me he looks like a dark mirror. He is depressed and identifies as an Incel (Invoulantary Celibate). He earns enough to get by working as a freelancer and he is not good looking and no girl ever approaches him and gets rejected by the ones he approaches. He has no future, ambitions, or motivation. Knowing I am doing bhakti he is trying to debate and he has good points.
I feel like in 3 years I will hit a similar ceiling when it will feel like youth is officially gone, we have involuntarily not enjoyed any materialistic pleasures not because we dont want to, we definitely want to, but are unable to. This unability is what leds to Depression and Resentment.
Is it really true that satisfying materialistic pleasure is like pouring gasoline on fire? because it seems more like pouring water on it. I see lot of devotees who have enjoyed materialistic life when young and seem energetic in bhakti also.
What advise would you give to a 30 year old Incel?
Mainly how can I stay in Bhakti without Resentment knowing I didn't choose Bhakti by 'Choice' or by 'Love for Krishna' but was forced into it as there was no other option in my grim life. I came to bhakti because It felt easier to say to yourself you are celibate and not enjoying life becasue you practice bhakti, Than to say you are celibate because you are an Incel.
Replies
Hare Krsna
Is it really true that satisfying materialistic pleasure is like pouring gasoline on fire? because it seems more like pouring water on it.
This is what Lord Sri Krsna says in Bhagavad Gita
āvṛtaṁ jñānam etena
jñānino nitya-vairiṇā
kāma-rūpeṇa kaunteya
duṣpūreṇānalena ca
Thus the wise living entity’s pure consciousness becomes covered by his eternal enemy in the form of lust, which is never satisfied and which burns like fire. ( BG 3.39)
It is said in the Manu-smṛti that lust cannot be satisfied by any amount of sense enjoyment, just as fire is never extinguished by a constant supply of fuel.( Purport BG 3.39)
The scriptures are very clear about it. There should be no confusion about it.
because it seems more like pouring water on it
You are not alone in thinking that way. That is the trick of material nature. That is what maya does to a conditioned living entity. Almost every living entity of every species in every planet of material world thinks the same. But can you find one person who can say I have had enough sex, now I am fully satisfied and don't need anymore of it ? At best you may find a person who will say I am have had enough sex with a particular person, but given a chance that person would want the same with someone else. You are old enough to know it. But it is the temptation or the burning desire that unsettles and drives a person mad. It is like an itch, while scratching may provide some relief, be sure that the relief is temporary only. The scratch will worsen the itch.
yan maithunādi-gṛhamedhi-sukhaṁ hi tucchaṁ
kaṇḍūyanena karayor iva duḥkha-duḥkham
tṛpyanti neha kṛpaṇā bahu-duḥkha-bhājaḥ
kaṇḍūtivan manasijaṁ viṣaheta dhīraḥ
Sex life is compared to the rubbing of two hands to relieve an itch. Gṛhamedhis, so-called gṛhasthas who have no spiritual knowledge, think that this itching is the greatest platform of happiness, although actually it is a source of distress. The kṛpaṇas, the fools who are just the opposite of brāhmaṇas, are not satisfied by repeated sensuous enjoyment. Those who are dhīra, however, who are sober and who tolerate this itching, are not subjected to the sufferings of fools and rascals. ( SB 7.9.45)
I see lot of devotees who have enjoyed materialistic life when young and seem energetic in bhakti also.
ye hi saṁsparśa-jā bhogā
duḥkha-yonaya eva te
ādy-antavantaḥ kaunteya
na teṣu ramate budhaḥ
An intelligent person does not take part in the sources of misery, which are due to contact with the material senses. O son of Kuntī, such pleasures have a beginning and an end, and so the wise man does not delight in them. ( BG 5.29)
Here lord Sri Krsna says that every sense pleasure by default contains misery within it. Sense enjoyment and Misery are two sides of the same coin, they are inseparable. The moment a person enjoys some material pleasure without Krsna, he is subjected to the corresponding misery eventually. There are no exceptions to this. Not even devotees. Do not be fooled that some devotees have enjoyed in past without any consequences. It may appear like that due to another bewildering energy of Sri Krsna called time. Time separates material pleasure and material pain. But Sri Krsna says that both pleasure and pain are created together and one cannot have material pleasure without eventual pain. It is impossible even for devotees.
What advise would you give to a 30 year old ?
Krsna conscious marriage is an option for who want it. But marriage will only confirm what the scriptures say -
harer nāma harer nāma harer nāmaiva kevalam
kalau nāsty eva nāsty eva nāsty eva gatir anyathā
In this age of quarrel and hypocrisy, the only means of deliverance is the chanting of the holy names of the Lord. There is no other way. There is no other way. There is no other way. (Bṛhan-nāradīya Purāṇa 38.126)
Mainly how can I stay in Bhakti without Resentment knowing I didn't choose Bhakti by 'Choice' or by 'Love for Krishna' but was forced into it as there was no other option in my grim life.
Firstly you seem to be confusing bhakti with celibacy. Bhakti is serving Krsna. It can be performed in 4 ashramas - Brahmacarya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sannyasa. Well bhakti can be performed without being in these ashramas also. But the point is Bhakti is not synonymous to celibacy.
Staying in Bhakti will happen by this
viṣayā vinivartante
nirāhārasya dehinaḥ
rasa-varjaṁ raso ’py asya
paraṁ dṛṣṭvā nivartate
Though the embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoyment, the taste for sense objects remains. But, ceasing such engagements by experiencing a higher taste, he is fixed in consciousness. ( BG 2.59)
Unless one is transcendentally situated, it is not possible to cease from sense enjoyment. The process of restriction from sense enjoyment by rules and regulations is something like restricting a diseased person from certain types of eatables. The patient, however, neither likes such restrictions nor loses his taste for eatables. Similarly, sense restriction by some spiritual process like aṣṭāṅga-yoga, in the matter of yama, niyama, āsana, prāṇāyāma, pratyāhāra, dhāraṇā, dhyāna, etc., is recommended for less intelligent persons who have no better knowledge. But one who has tasted the beauty of the Supreme Lord Kṛṣṇa, in the course of his advancement in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, no longer has a taste for dead, material things. Therefore, restrictions are there for the less intelligent neophytes in the spiritual advancement of life, but such restrictions are only good until one actually has a taste for Kṛṣṇa consciousness. When one is actually Kṛṣṇa conscious, he automatically loses his taste for pale things. ( Purport BG 2.59)
Please read the above very carefully. It holds the key to success.
Hare Krsna
Thank you Bharat prabhuji for being so patient, I feel my questions are stupid listening to your amazing answers.
I will write all the verses you have quoted and read them when my mind wanders again.
I remember listening somewhere in one of the bhagvatam classes, that before marriage you have to be trained to be indifferent to marriage and sex. I am slowly training myself to be indifferent to it and will try my best to reach a good place mentally and devotionally before I am 30.
I wanted to ask, suppose for Any reason I am not able to get Krishna Concious Married, is being celebate all life along with working towards your career, earning money for retirement and retiring between 50-55, is this still viable plan?
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
The standard is - either stay in the temple and wear saffron if you are single; or stay outside and get married. Do not be in the middle.
COnsidering that you are 27 only, what is the challenge in finding a devotee girl for marriage? Atleast try to find. There are a host of websites and contacts, of so many temples in India. Put some effort and pray - whatever is the plan of the lord will be revealed.
I remember listening somewhere in one of the bhagvatam classes, that before marriage you have to be trained to be indifferent to marriage and sex. - If you are indifferent, then why marry at all? Marriage is Grihasta ASHRAM. Please be fair to the girl you bring in your life. Stop pretending to be indifferent. If all you can give her is indifference, then better dont marry. Do not spoil other's life.
On the one hand, you are talking about being an involuntary celibate, and on the other hand, you are talking about being indifferent. Decide what you want. Just for your information, life doesnt stop at 30. More and more devotees are getting married after crossing the threshold, mainly to complete studies and become economically stable before taking responsibility of family life.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
is gayatri now bharat? pattern is same..copy pasting answers
Hare Krsna Vrndavan Krsna prabhu,
PAMHO.
That is a VERY MEAN comment.
Bharat prabhu has established himself as philosophically sound and no nonsense person, over the years.
Gayatri mataji has been answering questions painstakingly for so many years, doing research for the answers she did not know and trying to help people who come to this forum. She has become busy now, but her goodwill remains.
You were so nice. What has happened to you? Dont let negativity dominate you. Life gives us bitter experiences to make us better. Whether to be a swan or a fly is our choice.
Learn to see the good in others. Life will be much better.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Bharat prabhu g ,your response is really amazing..
Thank you for your kind words.
Hare Krsna