Hare krishna dear devotees, Dandavats All glories to Guru and Gauranga I had a Confusion in my mind? Srila prabhupad had said that Sex should be done only for the Procreation of good off-springs, but if a Couple decides to adopt a child or a two and teach him/her good principles and raise as a God Conscious child then during such situation how could they avoid sex altogether? and that too when they initially got married for having a good Conjugal bonding. Are Couples only supposed to be more of a Mother and Father? Instead of being Husband-Wife despite even when they became Husband-wife before becoming Mother and Father I feel the Husband-Wife relationship is lost in the garb of just marrying for producing children and raising them and just becoming Mother and Father Doesn't this sound Vague? I mean that Sexual contact which also creates a great emotional bonding between two married people gets hampered severely Shouldn't we have an open and broad minded mindset in regard to the Sexual beings entering the marriage system??? Also I find it illogical to be said as Sinful if married couples engage in sex for enjoyment rather then producing children after all what's the definition of Sin? - Something wrong or harmful action done to Someone which gives them pain and Suffering.... Dear devotees pls highlight this thing with a Rational Argument 🙏Ur Insignificant Servant ASDD
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I agree Srila Prabhupada said the purpose of marraige is to progress in Krsna consciousness together. We unite for the purpose of having Krsna Conscious children only, that too once a month, after chanting 50 rounds of mahamantra each.
Having said that, ground reality is - in their attempt to follow the above principle, while many devotees were able to achieve the standard and made tremendous progress by following, there were others who could not follow this to the T and ended up in divorce. Besides, there is no age to enter onto this path, couples in various stages of life enter devotion and may struggle to live upto the standard, or one of the partners is in devotion, and the other is a future devotee. Also, it is possible that one partner has more desire than the other.
Therefore, what our present acharyas say - I have heard from senior devotee couple - they had 2 children, then went to their diksha guru and expressed their desire to stop. The guru maharaj refused to give them permission. He said now you both are coming to me together and saying you want to stop. Later, one of you will have the desire and it will lead to fights in each and every field - ooh you are pure devotee......so it is better to continue, because both are young.
I have even heard in lectures/ Q&A with maharaj - no sex between husband and wife is illicit.
My purpose of writing all this openly is to let devotees know that we should try to reach the standard laid down by Srila Prabhupada. It could be a journey for some people. So dont beat yourself or each other up if you are not able to meet the standard. Just persevere, continue to wake up early, do mangalarati, chant your rounds, and do other devotional services together and nicely.
There are some rules that seniors recommend - we try to avoid on special days like Gaur Purnima, Janmashtami... ekadasi, to avoid during day time, esp during dusk.
Marraige is the only relationship where conjugal relationship is permitted and it does lead to closer bond between the couple. It is upto the couple. What is important is to be honest with each other and sensitive to each other's need. It is also important to make the marraige work. It is not good to know that marraige is breaking because of Krsna consciousness. Would that please Krsna?
Are Couples only supposed to be more of a Mother and Father?
Couples can decide whatever they want to be, it is their free will and nobody can question or force afterall. The highest goal is to become servant of Sri Krsna. Servant of Sri Krsna means doing everything for the pleasure of Sri Krsna.
ātmendriya-prīti-vāñchā — tāre bali ‘kāma’ kṛṣṇendriya-prīti-icchā dhare ‘prema’ nāma
The desire to gratify one’s own senses is kāma [lust], but the desire to please the senses of Lord Kṛṣṇa is prema [love]. ( CC Adi 4.165)
The above shloka very clearly defines and differentiates what is what. Almost every living being in this world is on the platform of kama. Srila Prabhupada wants every living being in this material world to attain the highest goal of Krsna Prema. Hence the instructions on how to attain the stage of Krsna Prema.
If the goal is clear then path to attain will be logical. If the goal is not clear or is different then, the confusion about the path will always be present.
If the goal is Kama, then there is not end to it. If the goal is Prema, then one has to gradually reduce kama and engage in bhakti and render seva. It is a process which may easily take many lifetimes, depending on the practitioner.
So we first need to first fix our goal, without that any path will be illogical, meaningless, boring, troublesome etc.
Sexual contact which also creates a great emotional bonding between two married people
Sexual contact is not necessary for bonding. There is deep bonding between father and child, between siblings, between friends, between guru and disciple, between grandparent and grandchild etc. There is bonding even between humans and animals also. There is bonding even with impersonal entities like country, with celebrities etc. It can be ordinarily found that some such bonds are more meaningful and deeper than bonds which are built on sexual activity.
So it is possible to have bonding between husband and wife which is founded on collective service to Sri Krsna. Examples are Dhanurdas, Anantacarya.
This is related to my answer to "Bhagavatham says animals are food of human beings." There are two Vedic lifestyles - pravrtti marga and nivrtti marga. The second one leads out of samsara. The choice is ours.
Ideally, one is supposed to follow Guru Aagya, Whatever instructions your guru maharaj gave regarding grihasth ashram you are supposed to follow them. But if you are not clear about what where and how of grihasth ashram, directly read srimad bhagwatam and see how king priyavat, Uttanpad, Rishabh dev and Bharat maharaj followed grihastha ashram, produced god conscious children. They have done big favour on this world by producing great devotees like nine yogeshwar, dhruv, king ambarish. Add purpose to your grihastha ashram. dont ever adopt kids, ( some one else's karma).
Replies
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
I agree Srila Prabhupada said the purpose of marraige is to progress in Krsna consciousness together. We unite for the purpose of having Krsna Conscious children only, that too once a month, after chanting 50 rounds of mahamantra each.
Having said that, ground reality is - in their attempt to follow the above principle, while many devotees were able to achieve the standard and made tremendous progress by following, there were others who could not follow this to the T and ended up in divorce. Besides, there is no age to enter onto this path, couples in various stages of life enter devotion and may struggle to live upto the standard, or one of the partners is in devotion, and the other is a future devotee. Also, it is possible that one partner has more desire than the other.
Therefore, what our present acharyas say - I have heard from senior devotee couple - they had 2 children, then went to their diksha guru and expressed their desire to stop. The guru maharaj refused to give them permission. He said now you both are coming to me together and saying you want to stop. Later, one of you will have the desire and it will lead to fights in each and every field - ooh you are pure devotee......so it is better to continue, because both are young.
I have even heard in lectures/ Q&A with maharaj - no sex between husband and wife is illicit.
My purpose of writing all this openly is to let devotees know that we should try to reach the standard laid down by Srila Prabhupada. It could be a journey for some people. So dont beat yourself or each other up if you are not able to meet the standard. Just persevere, continue to wake up early, do mangalarati, chant your rounds, and do other devotional services together and nicely.
There are some rules that seniors recommend - we try to avoid on special days like Gaur Purnima, Janmashtami... ekadasi, to avoid during day time, esp during dusk.
Marraige is the only relationship where conjugal relationship is permitted and it does lead to closer bond between the couple. It is upto the couple. What is important is to be honest with each other and sensitive to each other's need. It is also important to make the marraige work. It is not good to know that marraige is breaking because of Krsna consciousness. Would that please Krsna?
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Hare Krsna
Are Couples only supposed to be more of a Mother and Father?
Couples can decide whatever they want to be, it is their free will and nobody can question or force afterall. The highest goal is to become servant of Sri Krsna. Servant of Sri Krsna means doing everything for the pleasure of Sri Krsna.
ātmendriya-prīti-vāñchā — tāre bali ‘kāma’
kṛṣṇendriya-prīti-icchā dhare ‘prema’ nāma
The desire to gratify one’s own senses is kāma [lust], but the desire to please the senses of Lord Kṛṣṇa is prema [love]. ( CC Adi 4.165)
The above shloka very clearly defines and differentiates what is what. Almost every living being in this world is on the platform of kama. Srila Prabhupada wants every living being in this material world to attain the highest goal of Krsna Prema. Hence the instructions on how to attain the stage of Krsna Prema.
If the goal is clear then path to attain will be logical. If the goal is not clear or is different then, the confusion about the path will always be present.
If the goal is Kama, then there is not end to it. If the goal is Prema, then one has to gradually reduce kama and engage in bhakti and render seva. It is a process which may easily take many lifetimes, depending on the practitioner.
So we first need to first fix our goal, without that any path will be illogical, meaningless, boring, troublesome etc.
Sexual contact which also creates a great emotional bonding between two married people
Sexual contact is not necessary for bonding. There is deep bonding between father and child, between siblings, between friends, between guru and disciple, between grandparent and grandchild etc. There is bonding even between humans and animals also. There is bonding even with impersonal entities like country, with celebrities etc. It can be ordinarily found that some such bonds are more meaningful and deeper than bonds which are built on sexual activity.
So it is possible to have bonding between husband and wife which is founded on collective service to Sri Krsna. Examples are Dhanurdas, Anantacarya.
Hare Krsna
This is related to my answer to "Bhagavatham says animals are food of human beings." There are two Vedic lifestyles - pravrtti marga and nivrtti marga. The second one leads out of samsara. The choice is ours.
Hari Hari
ys J.
Hare krsna, pamho,
Ideally, one is supposed to follow Guru Aagya, Whatever instructions your guru maharaj gave regarding grihasth ashram you are supposed to follow them. But if you are not clear about what where and how of grihasth ashram, directly read srimad bhagwatam and see how king priyavat, Uttanpad, Rishabh dev and Bharat maharaj followed grihastha ashram, produced god conscious children. They have done big favour on this world by producing great devotees like nine yogeshwar, dhruv, king ambarish. Add purpose to your grihastha ashram. dont ever adopt kids, ( some one else's karma).