My troubled sex life

Hare Krishna Everyone 


I am a 23 year old new devotee who is from Mumbai. Before being a Shree Krishna Bhakt I had a very troubled life, where I was indulged into alcohol, smoking, illicit sex, I used to consume non vegetarian food. I have left all of them. I no longer feel the urge to drink, smoke or consume meat, but I still haven't let go my sexual urges. I am at a age where it is natural for me to have such energy for sex, but because I wear tulsi kathi mala....I am restricted to do such kind of an activity.  My last sexual encounter was around early December of 2022 before giving up on such things. 

I used to masturbate but now after bhakti it don't do it on a regular basis. But these days I feel sexual active but for our Lord I restrict myself. Is their anyother way I can control it?

Also, I feel easly attracted to men who are way more older than me and some of them are even married. I don't want to look and think about such men in that perspective as a unmarried female.


I would request some of you'll to suggest me new ways to control this urge of sex and attraction.

Thank you. 

You need to be a member of ISKCON Desire Tree | IDT to add comments!

Join ISKCON Desire Tree | IDT

Email me when people reply –


  • I know nothing, but I would advice you to watch Keshav Anand Prabhu's Nectar of Instructions - 1 video, where he has explained how to control the urges. Its a 1 hour video, but it will be helpful.

  • Volunteer

    Hare Krishna!

    There are various spiritual remedies to help overcome these desires and cultivate a higher level of consciousness. Here are three references along with analogies and stories to explain these remedies:

    1. Practice Detachment: As mentioned in the Bhagavad-gita (3.27), attachment to material designations is an obstacle to spiritual progress. Detachment does not mean avoiding responsibilities or relationships but rather understanding that our true identity is as an eternal servant of Lord Krishna. Just as Kunti Devi desired to become detached from her familial attachments, we too can strive to cultivate detachment by recognizing that our ultimate relationship is with Krishna. This understanding helps us transcend material desires and attachments.

    2. Engage in Devotional Service: The Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu (1.2.187) states that engaging our mind, words, and activities in the service of Lord Krishna liberates us from material bondage. By channeling our energy towards devotional activities, such as chanting the holy names, reading scriptures, and serving the devotees, we can gradually transcend material desires. Just as a river flowing towards the ocean loses its impurities, our consciousness becomes purified through devotional service, and the allure of material attractions diminishes.

    3. Tolerate Difficulties: Real detachment includes tolerating the unpleasantries that may arise while living in this material world. When faced with conflicting situations or difficulties, rather than running away, we should embrace them as opportunities for growth and spiritual advancement. Just as a devotee accepts enjoyable material objects without exploiting them for sense pleasure, we must also tolerate the challenges that come our way, knowing that they are temporary and part of our spiritual journey.

    Analogies and Stories:
    - The Mirror Analogy: Just as a mirror reflects our physical appearance but does not change it, the material body and its attractions are temporary and external. By recognizing our true spiritual identity, we can see beyond the reflection and focus on our eternal relationship with Krishna.
    - The Story of Dhruva Maharaja: Dhruva Maharaja, a great devotee, initially sought material benefits but later realized the insignificance of worldly desires. Through his determination and devotion, he attained a higher spiritual platform, transcending material attractions. This story teaches us the importance of redirecting our desires towards spiritual goals.
    - The Lotus Analogy: Just as a lotus remains untouched by the muddy water in which it grows, we can cultivate detachment and rise above material desires while living in this world. By focusing on devotional service and connecting with Krishna, we can maintain purity of heart despite external influences.

    Remember, the process of controlling the urge of sex and attraction requires sincere practice, patience, and surrender to the process of devotional service. Seek association with like-minded devotees, regularly engage in spiritual practices, and immerse yourself in the study of Vedic scriptures to deepen your understanding and progress on your spiritual journey.

    I hope these references, analogies, and stories provide you with valuable insights and guidance. May Lord Krishna bless you with strength and determination in your spiritual endeavors.

  • Sevak

    Hare Krsna 

    Is their anyother way I can control it?

    On our own, we cannot control it. 

    suggest me new ways to control this urge of sex and attraction.

    This whole material world is built on the basis of sex urge. There are no techniques or tricks or adjustments or formulas that will work for a longtime. The living entity has desire to enjoy, which is manifest in a strong way in the form of sex urge. The material energy is Krsna's energy that works 24x7 to fulfill the material desires of a conditioned soul. We are insignificant in front material energy.

    The only way to escape material energy is to be freed from material desire. The most effective way for uprooting material desire is by chanting and hearing the spiritual sound vibration of Hari Nama and Hare Katha. Although this is the best method, it will definitely take a long time to reach that purified stage, Years, decades, lifetimes. 

    Meanwhile as practicing devotees we need to accept the reaility of our fallen conditioned state. Srila Prabhupada encouraged young devotees to get married and practice Krsna Consciousness together and bring forth devotee progeny. This will reduce the mental disturbance for oneself and will also protect one from committing illicit sex.  Marriage in itself is not the solution. It is at best a way to not fall down further more and more. It will limit sense gratification and encourage practice of Krsna consciousness within family. The real solution is engaging our senses especially mind, toungue and ears in absorption of transcendental sound vibration.

    Doing menial services like cooking, cleaning, etc in service of Krsna will be helpful. Avoiding association of non-devotees is extremely necessary. 

    When Krsna sees that we are endeavouring to hear His names andtrying to get rid of our anarthas, then Krsna will personally free us from clutches of maya. Till time we need to keep endeavouring. We will fail, many times, but eventually we will succeed by the grace of Guru & Gauranga. 

    I encourage you to please hear to these two audio clips - Purport on Hare Krsna Mahamantra

    Removing Poison

    Hare Krsna…
    • Sevak

      Unless one is transcendentally situated, it is not possible to cease from sense enjoyment. The process of restriction from sense enjoyment by rules and regulations is something like restricting a diseased person from certain types of eatables. The patient, however, neither likes such restrictions nor loses his taste for eatables. Similarly, sense restriction by some spiritual process like aṣṭāṅga-yoga, in the matter of yama, niyama, āsana, prāṇāyāma, pratyāhāra, dhāraṇā, dhyāna, etc., is recommended for less intelligent persons who have no better knowledge. But one who has tasted the beauty of the Supreme Lord Kṛṣṇa, in the course of his advancement in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, no longer has a taste for dead, material things. Therefore, restrictions are there for the less intelligent neophytes in the spiritual advancement of life, but such restrictions are only good until one actually has a taste for Kṛṣṇa consciousness. When one is actually Kṛṣṇa conscious, he automatically loses his taste for pale things. ( Purport BG 2.59)

  • On reading your post i just felt my life being echoed albeit  in different type of body..

    the good news is that whatever you are wishing to achieve is possible in Krishna consciousness.The bad news is that it will need lots and lots of patience.It's been around 10 years since i started to come to the right path and perform right sort of activities.

    the way is really very simple..Just saturate your life with Krishna  viz. Krishna katha,chanting,association with devotees,congregational chanting,book distribution...and on and on..

    A word of caution:: the point where you slip up in these activities is where respectable maya devi g will come to pull you down and the pull is very very strong.More KC activities will result in easier sense control and lesser KC activities result in anger,frustration,desperation and almost negligible sense control.
    This domain may be for sale!
  • If I were you, I would also try physical activities. Jym and other kind of it.

  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Mataji,


    It requires a lot of bravery to come out in the open with this kind of issue. It is really nice that you have understood this is not the way to lead life. 

    To control the desire, what you can do is:

    1) get up early morning and chant. Ideally 4 am. If you are getting up late, then suddenly to change the routine may be too much. Make it gradual - whatever is your waking up time, prepone by 15 min every week, to arrive at 4 am eventually.

    2) If possible, chant in association. If you cant get physical association, then please join online chanting group of your choice.

    3) Whatever you eat, please offer to Krsna and have, even if it is in a restaurant. That will ensure you eat sattvik veg food, without onion and garlic. 

    4) Steer clear of all affairs - whether with married men or with single men. Pray to Srila Prabhupada to send the right person for you. 

    In Mumbai, there are 4 temples and excellent devotee association. Please go to one of these - Juhu, Chowpaty, Mira Road, Khargar and get into the congregation praeching programs there. This is the best you can do. The rest will become easy in the association of devotees.


    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

This reply was deleted.