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Hare Krishna Dandavat Pranams
I have a friend who seems to be very negative in thinking. It has been 15 years since i know him but always gets into these depressive situations. how do i help him. I have asked him to chant and he does but doesn't believe . Sometimes he praises the lord sometimes uses nonsense words against the lord. Now he is in the path of destruction. he has given up on life and wants to die. How do i help him.He has given up chanting and trust as well
I have spent last 15 years talking to him getting him counseling professional and personal. I am tired helping him. Sometimes have to give up my spirtuality to help him or will get suicidal.
Now he has cancer and doesnt take treatment. Talks about death every second. what should i do . i cant let go as everyone around him has given up on him including his parents. I cant let go of krishna but everytime i try to move away i am pushed in with him . i have seriously tried everyway.
Now i really need to know if i just let go or help.
Firstly, all glories to Your divine qualities like compassion to other suffering beings, Prabhu!
Secondly, please do not give up Your own spiritual life for the sake of helping others. HG Radha Gopinath Prabhu once told very nice example:
He told that let's compare Devotee's heart to a well from where all people get drinking water. But when well gets dry it should be filled up nicely so that again people could take water from there.
So our own 16 rounds, mangala arati, reading...are compared to that filling with water the well - our hearts. Then only we can share something with others, can't we?!
Thirdly, we cannot force or make others Devotee. We cannot!
But if we have faith into Lord's mercy then He can make them to chant the Names and use us as an instrument.
Our only duty is to beg for help.
As like a small child cries when he is in need. He cries helplessly in this way attracts Krishna's attention.
Fourthly, we are not controllers. We cannot help every one and anyone. if so many people tried to help him and still he is not changing then only way is to go to Krishna for mercy. And Krishna will change him being in His heart as a Super Soul. It is like if we put water to the root all parts of a tree will be feed.
Please watch here a very simple video http://www.iskcondesiretree.net/video/how-my-dad-came-to-krishna#
Dear devotee Hare Krsna, I can understand how you feel as I am faced with this also.
Sometimes a person suffers terrible pain inside and no one can help them or know how bad it feels because of some very bad karma.
I try my best to help them be ok but I fail because they are beyond my capacity to help.
There may be professionals in mental health who can improve their life but often they fail also.
Mental sickness is serious and i have seen too many suicides.
It makes me so sad.
I pray for them and I chant extra rounds for them asking Krsna to please give them my piety.
I cry before Krsna please have mercy on them.
And i have complete faith that Krsna is taking care wherever they go.
This material world is such a nasty place.
Better go back home back to Godhead don't come here as its not a nice place for the soft hearted.
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
Pls pardon my impudence at saying so - but if your friend is hellbent on not getting treated for cancer and talks of dying every second, maybe you could tell him the story of Parikshit Maharaj and tell him to prepare for death the way Parikshit Maharaj prepared, by hearing Bhagavatam. Offer to sit and read with him or make him do self study 2-3 hrs a day and discuss with you or simply keep on reading. Tell him the difference between the approaches of Parikshit Maharaj and Kamsa, both of whom knew about their impending death, but has radically different reactions. Though Kamsa finally got similar result due to being Krsna Conscious (though in an inimical way), he was afraid of death. Your friend doesnt seem afraid of death, so tell him to read Bhagavatam. That way atleast his next life will improve and he may even be cured of his disease - mental and physical - its so powerful.
Not a soul can truly save another. For a guru can not pass u enlightenment. But he can inspire. Sometimes this suffering is necessary to break that thick field of ignorance. For where one is wounded is the place god enters. You keep smiling. You be happy. Express your good self and stand as inspiration, as guru in that sense. Help out where u can and just do your best. Your confidence in his process by gods will is the absolute best thing for u both. Love, show love and all is in the hands of god. Prayers go to you. Do not give up your spirituality, but in faith and knowing spirituality rises above ritual. Giving up every now and then certain time in ritual and like things to help another is the higher octive of spirituality. For spirit is within. God is much happier with your help then your spiritual practice so long as your core spirituality does not drain. So long as you remain in faith and love. Do not lose it, that is what's meant by keeping your spirituality.
Much love and best wishes. I had been in your friends place before. Oh I sure have. He needs hope. God is that hope and I am confident he will find it. Take care, please take care. :D. Much love
Lots of great advice and comments here. I like the idea of telling him to prepare for death the way Parikshit Maharaj prepared for death. I wouldn't waste my time telling him to get treatment for cancer. He is looking forward to death so best to have him to go ahead and prepare for death. You can offer support to depressed persons but do not allow them to take you down with them. Keep strong in your spiritual life at all times. Your own spiritual life must always come first, if it doesn't you will lose it.