i am in ISKCON for past 10 years. my marriage was arranged 1.5 years back. due to various reasons there were few conflict between me and my wife. Now my wife and her family is demanding divorce and they are very urgent. They have sent us legal notice regarding this. I am not interested in taking divorce as I never thought of it.
I am unable to focus on spiritual part. I am much more devastated by this. kindly guide me.
if i does not want to take any divorce then how can i do this (even legally)
ys
Sachin
Replies
Hari Bol!
In all good sense your marriage is over Prabhu jee.
http://www.iskcondesiretree.net/forum/topics/krishna-consious-appro...
Many woman just go for it - lies, betrayal - nothing will stop, absolutely nothing. They hide behind religion to make effort legitimate, sometimes behind social facade, sometimes behind being a woman. Kids suffer a lot.
If you have kid and if you love them, please proceed with easing their pain. Once a woman gets what she wants, her all argument, religious belief - all washes out like pollen in mansoon rain. She will make kids suffer less, albeit never zero.
I do not know about others, I do not know peace of mind (what it is), I do not know trust and I do not know liberation, but follow your heart, be good and do not hurt anyone (including your wife) in this situation. You will feel good afterwards. Damage to kids will be minimized, if you suffer.
[Wonder if my wife was even Vaishnava? I was not born one, but sure got more compassion than her any day.]
Hari bol!
Your servant,
Sharanagat
Hare Krishna,
Right now wife is not in listening mood. She is refusing all good solutions to avoid divorce. She is surrounded by her relatives who are guiding her about divorce. Wife and her family had told us not to contact any further. wife also refuses to talk on phone or meet outside. This communication gap has increased whole problem, as i am unable to talk / convince wife and her family.
As per my knowledge divorce is last step, before that we can try all alternative solutions available. Kindly guide me regarding how to change her mood and any alernative solution to avoid divorce and its consequences.
Does shastra recommends divorce and is there any example in shastra. does it is because of our karma or what? and how to nullify karma. is there any yanjna to nullify karma.
Thanking you,
Sachin
"is there any yanjna to nullify karma."
Simply taking the Name of Krishna will nullify all Karma. You should not commit offenses on the strength of the holy names.
only shelter is the lotus feet of Shri Kunja Bihari!!!
Please, He is the master of homeless, He is the most dear Father and the best Friend.
Please go to Him and if possible for some time reside at the Temple along with other Devotees and beg forgiveness from Him.
People do such like actions to us because we are doing it to Krishna. It is we who do not want to listen to Krishna, who neglect Him and get divorced from Him...and what people do is only a reflection of our actions which we do to Krishna.
But when we have close relationship with Krishna - Super soul everyone will become dear to us and Devotee also become dear to everyone.
Please, do not allow divorce! It is our karma, and if she is a Devotee then why for what is that?
The Holy Name is so powerful that can melt stones and turn them into a soft butter like shape. So any person can be changed. There is no doubt.
remember Your marriage days, i am sure there were attraction and respect among You both. Where it has gone?
Do not talk to her for some time but go to Sri Sri Radha Kunjabihari. As like Dhruva Maharaja went knowing the lotus feet as an only shelter.
And please, believe me renunciation of top most attractive qualities of a person. When one becomes renounced one becomes attractive. And when in this way husband becomes strong who can control his senses than wife automatically starts to respect him and will desire to serve to him.
Your servant,
Hare Krishna Sachin Prabhuji
At least in India even now, a woman's life revolve around husband's life. And a husband can change her wife completely. That's sanskar has been coming in Indian women from ages and that culture/sanskar will not go away quickly. (though it seems like Indian women are also getting westernized/modernized these days looking at their dress up style)
So prabhuji, if your wife doesn't talk to you, try to convince her brothers,sister, friends, relatives, parents etc.. and make then talk to your wife.
As Bhaktin Mataji has said, you cannot just run away from your karma so easily, you have try hard to handle it and cope up with it.. So at least try to settle the situation and leave the rest on Krishna.
Best of luck
Jai shree Krishna.
I am going to assume that you do not have any children with her, otherwise she would want to stay in the marriage.
In the Bhagavatam, A wife is described as a Tiger and children, jackals.
You fell victim to a tiger and she wants you to let you escape. Especially if you can live without sex life, you should take the opportunity to let the tiger lose.On the other hand, if you are addicted to sex life, OR you have children with this woman, please consult some senior devotees.
Do you have any children? I bet she is working and making money and wants to be independent. Why does she need a man to boss her around? Right??
This is a western disease. In the west women tend to be liberated. Men too are more so liberated, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free... This is going on in America, Britain.
hb;pamho,
sorry in advance for writting truth(this time it is bitter) below
you have two options, actually no options as they have taken legal action.... i am guessing all internal discussions are over now you can allow counsellor to settle (court will also provide you counsellor, appoint lady lawyer).
1) give her divorce as she wants* asap as she & her family have taken legal action also you won't be responsible as she has taken initiative in the eyes of krishna. (It may look freaky but it is good stance.)
this is as per scriptures***** don't get attached to wife (this is core thought) see atleast you are her well wisher and she is insisting give her what she wants (something like love in separation, just to convince your mind) .
2) oppose her simply keep taking next dates use nice lawyer, but this will make her (she may not but bcoz of family pressure) family angry and they'll put more cases on you and you FAMILY****** such as dowree, harassement, threatning etc (also she will take huge amount of money that to monthly** because she will not use her brain but she will do as her LAWYER's says*******) and your life will be helish....
- Now you have already spent 1.5 years with her, better give her what she wants in future she may come back if destined.. (attachement will always be there in truth paper can't make you separate)
- With divorce physically you may be drift away but always have that little respect for each other and if you oppose both will lose remaining** respect for eachother.
- don't get in to court else kaliyuga nicely supports women whether right or wrong.
- golden stratergy : first come out of legal things and keep you and your family safe else once she takes angry stance even you want to come out of it she will not let you out of mess.
Adv:
- once this happens u can focus on K.C. rather than married life.
- Cut the knot dear Sachin atleast legaly now. in true love we give what beloved wants so do it as she wants it take this as purification.
- you can try another marriage (it may take some time ) after this.
i hv observed such circumstances in my family very closely thats why ...
take care,
aspiring to serve,
Totally agree with Nilesh Prabhu
Hare Krishna
to get divorced and think of another marriage???? What a "nice" (the word nice within brackets meaning the worst) idea is this?!
Let's imagine, would Srila Prabhupada also say like this?
...how in painful condition we are!
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Marriage karma is the most difficult karma in one's life. Difficult means many difficulties and sufferings mixed with joys will come and because of that it washes away also our karma if we live properly. But if we just try to escape the problem then this karma won't be washed away. It will remain as it is.
And as a result even if one gets married second time same problem will come up. It is for sure.
Karma never leaves its owner.
Escaping is not a solution.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS WE LOST OUR RESPECT TO EACH OTHER AS TO A DEVOTEE FIRST, AND AS TO A HUMAN SECOND.
Solution is one should become humble than a grass, tolerant than a tree, always respect others and not to wait for respect to ourselves. If we follow these 4 rules we will become dear not only to our partner but to everyone in whole world.
It is for sure. So at least one side should control himself or herself and apply that verse into life.
Your servant,
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