Hare krishna, Dandwat pranam to all of you.
My name is Shatrughan and I live in Mathura and as i have stated in my previous post, i was fully krishna conscious 4 years ago, i didnt like any material things, but due to some personal problems i stopped chanting but after 4 years on the occasion of this Mahashivratri in february, i went to Shiv Temple and i dont know why i started singing Mahamantra and hair of my Body stood and Tears came out and Voice started fluttering, it has been 2 weeks since then i have started chanting regularly and feel these Ecstatic symptoms. But the problem is that... I cannot stay in krishna consciousness, just after chanting and experiencing krishna consciousness, my mind gets indulged into materialistic world and forgets krishna, this was not the case 4 years ago, but it is now, and as i chant, i get into krishna consciousness.
Why is it so?
Is it due to some Offences to holy name? But if there are any offences then why do i feel ecstasy in chanting? I am confused..I want to stay krishna conscious all the time..please help.
Well, When you were fully into KC 4 yrs ago. What made you stop chanting???
Either you were not fully into KC that time or you just felt you were fully KC.
A fully KC person wouldn't ever want to stop chanting at any cost, Becoz he knows perfectly in this dark age of Kali, the only way to attain salvation is only by chanting the holy name.
Once in a while you feel higly KC then take up chanting then leave it for sometime becoz personal problems araise. This is not right on your part.
One shouldn't leave KC for some personal problems. It is during these problem phases only one must dedicate more time for chanting. If you were fully KC you wouldn't have left it.
=>All conditioned souls are always under the influence of 3 modes of material nature. Sometimes we are in Satva guna, sometimes in Rajasik guna and sometimes we fall into tamoguna.
Whenever you entered the Satva guna phase you took up chanting and felt esctatic. But again some personal problems araised you fell down to Tamo guna and you lost interest and kept aside chanting.
=> Apart from Trigunas which are always acting on us. There is also something called Prarabdha karma.
When you have very strong Prarabdha karma ( force of past action, in other words... Prarabdha Karma are the part of sanchita karma, a collection of past karmas, which are ready to be experienced through the present body (incarnation). Even when tries to sit and chant it wont let it happen.
One has to really have a very strong will power to exceed that force of Prarabdha karma.
See, it was that phase where you had some personal issues and you stopped chanting.
But If you were really into KC and fully into KC that time you would have exerted yourself too much to not let stop chanting at any cost.
Again the force of the prarabdha karma is reduced and you entered into satva guna phase....it made you chant and experience the estactic symptoms.
IF YOU WANT TO STAY IN KC AT ALL TIMES THE ONLY WAY IS TO EXERT yourself to the fullest and act against the mind and the prarabdha karma.
Your mind and your past deeds will not let you do any good karma but you must have so much good intellect that your buddhi( intellect the discrimination ) must fight constantly with your mind and reject its laziness and always motivate yourself either by going to temples and meeting devotees or self motivation to exert your self fully into Chanting.
There is a constant fight between your mind and intellect. But don't let the Mind win.
What you are experiencing is the experience of every sincere sadhaka/practitioner. If you want to know why you are having this kind of extreme and opposite experiences, then the short answer is - It is a test.
Our hearts has been contaminated for practically for unlimited number of births. When a devotee takes to Krsna consciousness, by chanting of the Hare Krsna mahamantra the anarthas/material propensities in the heart get cleansed. Because the mahamantra is very powerful and the anarthas have captured our heart for so long, there is a kind of war in our heart between Krsna conscious propensities and material propensities. This is what every sincere devotee experiences.
Due to prolong material association we are attracted to material sense objects. Due to mercy of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu we experience bliss in Krsna consciousness. The attraction to material sense object may not be due to offensesto holy name, it is the anarthas already present in our heart but they were covered previously. When we cleanse the heart they become agitated and fight back prompting strongly to indulge in sense gratification.
I strongly suggest you hear to this lecture about 40 minutes. In this lecture HH Radhanath Swami Maharaj clearly explains what happens at this stage of Krsna consciousness.
The process of Bhakti is very scientific. What challenges are faced at different stages as a practitioner progresses is very well documented. What you are experiencing currently is one stage of Bhakti. The solution is to continue to intensely take shelter of the holy name and humbly serve vaishnavas.
Kindly listen to the above lectures all your doubts will be clarified.