What makes you urge to get married?



I wonder why devotees like to get married.

Over and over I read married life is full of attatchment and misseries. To fulfill your lust or and beget a child to groom to Krishna Conciousness I might understand. It's just that devotees tell me personal often not te get married and not te get involved in any sort of relation, besides Krishna. Material speaking one can end up very lonley, seeing in harinam&programs couples join the party and be alone. Spiritual yes 100% right to be alone only with Krishna in mind! But why is it that there are married devotees than if they yell at me I not have to complain to be alone? To be married once I heard they do it to have sexual life.So... ahh... in that point of view I feel kinda awkward. Means married devotees do it for the private needs?! No need to be harsh of course, just confioused now about the state of one devotional service and level of conciousness. Like people tell me animals can't compare to humans; they only mate, eat drink and sleep. So a pure bhakta/devotee only set Krishna in the centre and disgusts any sexual or material affection aka hug or a kiss or just a glance of kindness. Am I right or wrong?

In theory there are multiple scriptures about married couples or families in general and one has to beget a son to fulfill spiritual progress. So sex is bad, but not bad?Love is told in the scriptures not real in this world only love for Krishna is real. So who do you love if you are married? Good question! Of course one can say, the supersoul is in every creature so in fact if you love one it is not entirely wrong and material sexual based. Because in the one you love materially, there is a Krishna as teh supersoul within. Than the opint; why still urge not to get in relation or bondage/married? Too much attachment to material nature can be the problem. If you take sanyassi or so you leave the family in a way. The modern laws in countries are than a bit odd, like if you get divorced with all sorts of consequences(think of tax, registrations in counsel etc.)Sadly the world is not Vaikuntha, means earthly laws and commen sence are often oppesit to what the scriptures say. How every devotee deals with that? You do not read that in Prabhupada's books. Indirectly yes, but not that every devotee get schooled how to deal with real material laws/world vs spiritual world. 

Chant Hare Krishna is the best we all can do. The only thing. It is just, one still have to pay the bills and obey the law of the place one live in now in this material body. I was at a certain point of life totally into everything Krishna, until I painfully discoverd I had no home and income anymore and many other things were inpropper like inshurance and government papers. Yes it was fun to join every Ratha Yatra and harinam and program ther was, just when finished, where to sleep, where to find a job to pay the bills? The devotees very rare let me sleep but not longer than a night or 2. It felt alwyas like ; 3 is a crowd. Married devotees cuddled on the cough and me was chanting Hare Krishna on my beats try to forget what I just saw. So yeah better get married and a job and household? Or ... is it really, really that bad to cuddle, kiss or hug someone material? Am I just hypocrit try to be a devotee and be jealouse in a way? YES! I geuss. 

Once one said, love is all we need, but only love to Krishna... uhm the person told me was married and had 3 kids. Did I miss something here? So he may love his wife and childeren AND Krishna, me only Krishna! YES that's right. I asked him, so why you got married than? It's not easy to share love with multiple partners right?


Anyways, always chant Hare Krishna!



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  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Prabhuji,


    I can understand your confusion. If you read the scriptures alone, it can be mitigated. THere are enough references of devotees in grihasta ashram, married life. Why would marraige/ married life be looked down upon? Its not a demotion to be in Grihasta ashram. This is the ashram that earns and provides for all the other 3 ashrams, as well as themselves. 

    Can you imagine a society that is without family life? Enough experiments have happened, especially in the western world, trying to break the institution of marraige. This has resulted in live in relationships, broken marraiges and related problems. Therefore, in our scritpures, it is very clearly said that one has to be faithful to one partner and have no relation outside of marraige. Better to invest in one partner, financially, socially and emotionally and raise KRsna Conscious children. That way society also runs smoothly. Both the husband and wife can together progress towards Krsna. As you know, being a man or a woman is not detrimental to spiritual progress. Looking at parents, children also get inspired and tend to follow the path they have seen elders follow with happiness and satisfaction. 

    Regarding whether one can love one's husband/ wife and also Krsna, pls see around you - other relations like parents/ siblings dont you love simply because you are loving Krsna? Of course. Then what is the problem if we love our partner and also Krsna. In family life, affection is important. WIthout affection, one cannot stay together as a family unit. The difference is between affection and attachment. Attachment should be to Krsna alone to the extent possible. 


    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

  • The varnasrama system works off of the natural propensity of people (as opposed to a cast by birth system). Some people are naturally drawn towards a brahmacari life, some are drawn to grihastha.  Both are important for the longevity of the movement.  A husband and wife can support each other in their service, and raising kids is very fulfilling for some people.

     It is a good way to live the life you are more comfortable with, and still live a Krishna conscious life.

    As far as love goes, you can love in the material world to a degree. I was not raised in Krishna consciousness; I was raised in a Euro-centric judeo-christian world.  I have always been accused of being uncaring because I have naturally known that everything and everyone is temporary.  I enjoy what I have in life, I love my friends and family, but I do not get overly attached.  In ISKCON this is not a problem, outside of ISKCON it is seen as anti-social. You can get help and support from others, and association is very important, but ultimately we all make this journey alone. Having help along the way is essential, though.

    This reminds me of what I was reading last night in Nectar of Devotion (Chapter 14). Prabhupada is talking about renunciation.  We do not need the artificial austerities of yoga practice. Transcendental loving service to Krishna – devotional service itself – is the way to advance spiritual life. Devotional service is our renunciation.  If you like food, you can be a cook and make nice food for Krishna.  After offering to Krishna, you can honor the prasad.  Then it is renunciation. Rejecting anything which is not offered to Krishna is actually renunciation.  In the same way, if you are naturally drawn to a grihastha life, then use it for Krishna.

    You do not need to artificially renounce the world.  We use what is in the world for Krishna. Do not give up anything that can be used in the service of the Lord.  Family life can be used as a devotional service.  I only received one order from my guru; that was to raise my children in Krishna consciousness (I was a single father). My service to my guru was in how well I raised my children.

    Marriage and family life may be for you - and it may not.  We each need to find our path to devotional service.  This is where a good relation with a guru is very important.  

    • Hare Krishna!

      Thanks for this reply. This is a good awnser to my question.

      Hare Krishna!

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