Hare Krishna Prabhuji/ Mataji Dandavat Pranam. Jai Srila Peabhupada.
I am facing a problem. As I dive deeper into my bhakti and service, I am coming in contact with more and more devotees.
I am not able to respect the devotees, even if they are senior, if they have had illicit sex before coming to Krishna conciousness.
I was born in a Iyer brahmin family (Tripunda). Was sent to a boys school till 12th standard. If there is a school vacation, famiy always visiting temples in the south and not travelling to Goa. I was shy with girls in college so I maintained a distance. A vegetarian all my life.
Maybe my background plays a role in my thoughts, I know devotees now both Male and Female, even senior devotess who have expressed their lives before, where they had Girlfriends / Boyfriends, having multiple illicit sex and eating beef, etc. I just can't come to fully respect them. I am very respectful when talking with them and serving with them. But in my mind that respect is reduced.
I think deep down I am Jelous. How can these devotees (as the saying goes) - 'Have their cake and eat it too?'. It Is Unfair.
Sometimes when I am struggling with life and life beats me down, I have thoughts like maybe I should have sex once and come back to Krishna Conciousness. If these devotees have had illicit sex so many times and were forgiven by Krishna and are recepients of his grace, why would Krishna not forgive me?
I don't know what to do, Is this loss of respect Vaishnav Aparadha?
You need to be a member of ISKCON Desire Tree | IDT to add comments!
Replies
Seems like you're an example of a person with good background affected by bad sanga like Ajamila. I. s. is not a thing to be jealous about. If you will proceed with your plan you will have a bad feeling about it and wish you didn't do it. Where is the problem about getting married?
It's a mental aparadha since they are Vaisnavas getting cleared by Krisna/bhakti process from their previous bad habits. This is what BG 9.30 is about. (I wrote a blog entry about it at Krishna.com recently.) Try to meditate about their good character and seva instead.
Hari Hari
ys J.
Cmom brother, Even you and me in our previous lives had did many nasty activities, that if lord shows them to us, we would be so embarrassed and hate ourselves and think that those devotees are better than us. If right now Maya will decide to attack you, you may do most nonsensical things that you can't dream of even. So explain your mind and try to remove these negative thoughts for devotees.
And they had done bad things due to being unknown about purpose of life and about krsna, but you are now planning to do bad acts even after knowing krsna, so I can't say whether he would forgive you or punish you. That's why skip these thoughts. Everyone in this material world is a criminal who has done nasty activities of all kinds, either in this life or previous, and at some point of life, they came to krsna's contact and then became pious, so every souls journey is similar like this. That's why don't be negative for them.
Thank you
hare Krishna
Hare Krsna
I think deep down I am Jelous
This is the main reason why living entity accepts bodies in material world.
Maybe my background plays a role in my thoughts
All these are conditionings and anarthas. We need to be freed from them by practice of devotional service.
Is this loss of respect Vaishnav Aparadha?
As long as devotees are not verbally or physically abused then we don't get any reaction of it. But this is mental offence. Mental offence eventually leads to verbal offence. Mental offence can block progress in devotional service.
But in my mind that respect is reduced.
Respect is reduced because we see things from material point of view. We need to see how Krsna sees them. Does Krsna see them as sinful people or those who have come to take His shelter ?
It Is Unfair
Based on what is it unfair ? Why is it unfair ?Who decides that ?
By mercy of Lord Sri Chaitanya and Srila Prahupada , thousands of people have obtained shelter of Sri Krsna. Krsna has no problem in giving them shelter, why should anyone else have a problem with it.
If these devotees have had illicit sex so many times and were forgiven by Krishna
Lord Sri Krsna is fully independent and capabale of giviing shelter to whomever he wishes. If someone has left their previous lives and come under shelter of Sri Krsna, Krsna happily accepts them. If Krsna does not see what they were previously, then why should we see it. This is just like digging our own graves.
why would Krishna not forgive me?
This is what Srila Prabhupada says about such mentality.
This does not mean, however, that one should intentionally commit sinful acts and think himself free from the reactions because he is chanting the holy name. Such a mentality is a most abominable offense at the lotus feet of the holy name. Nāmno balād yasya hi pāpa-buddhiḥ: the Lord’s holy name certainly has the potency to neutralize all sinful activities, but if one repeatedly and intentionally commits sins while chanting the holy name, he is most condemned. ( Purport SB 6.13.8-9)
Hare Krsna