What a dilemma! I am an eternal servant of God. Yet, I desire to be the master, the enjoyer. This is the disease of the material world. Unfortunately, to theoretically understand and agree with the verdict of scripture is not enough to cure the deep-rooted desire to be master instead of servant. Honestly, I don't want to give up sense gratification. I wish I did. I can understand that all of my attempts for pleasure result in more pain, which is what I'm trying to avoid. My mind tricks me over and over, but I never learn from it. I wonder how many more lifetimes it will take before I receive the causeless mercy of Lord Caitanya and cast away this enemy of lust.