What a dilemma! I am an eternal servant of God. Yet, I desire to be the master, the enjoyer. This is the disease of the material world. Unfortunately, to theoretically understand and agree with the verdict of scripture is not enough to cure the deep-rooted desire to be master instead of servant. Honestly, I don't want to give up sense gratification. I wish I did. I can understand that all of my attempts for pleasure result in more pain, which is what I'm trying to avoid. My mind tricks me over and over, but I never learn from it. I wonder how many more lifetimes it will take before I receive the causeless mercy of Lord Caitanya and cast away this enemy of lust.
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As Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu cried out in Shikshaastakam... AYI NANDA TANUJA.. 'O' Darling of Nanda Maharaj, I am UR eternal servant, Somehow I have fallen in this material world.. Only by your Grace.. O Krishna.. I can be the dust of your lotus feet..
Actually we are swimming in the shoreless Ocean... We have to Keep Patience and carry out our activity of swimming.. If Krishna thinks.. He will pick us up and throw us on the shore.... Otherwise there is no otherway.. Its and unending MARATHON.. and we will have to run... PATIENCE is the Key..
I am writing these lines for my self purification only... I have not yet realised these lines..
Please have mercy on me.... and do not forget to pray for me...So that I can come to the level of Madhyama Adhikari.. Hare Krishna..
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
You're very kind. Thank you for those illuminating words. The Sri Sri Siksastaka prayers are among my favorites. I especially like the last one, where Lord Caitanya compares difficulties to "being handled roughly by Krsna's embrace."
vancha-kalpa-tarubhyas ca krpa-sindhubhya eva ca... All glories to the vaisnavas!
Like a patient of jaundice tastes sugar bitter. but the sugar is not bitter. it is sweet. in the same way to be servant and to give up the sense gratification is very nectarian but due to our sickness of materialism we think them to be impossible.
In the beginning athough patient tastes sugar bitter but as his sickness is cured the real taste comes. in the same waty although in the beginning we may feel devotional injunctions very hard and fast but they will be revealed to us as nectarian as we will follow them regularly.
Yes, I like that analogy. I'm like the worm in stool who thinks he's enjoying life. I think that lack of good association is a big part of my problem. But you nice Vaisnavas are helping me here online so I am hopeful. Thank you for your nectarian reply.
We have so much vani (instruction) from Srila Prabhupada and if we follow it, we go back home, back to Godhead. Unfortunately, Bhagavan Acharya Prabhu, I'm just like you. I still want to enjoy and I have no real taste for the Holy Name or devotional service. I'm sure I'll have to suffer and endure many more births here in this world of birth and death. Therefore my fervant and heartfelt prayer is, "Oh, Sri Krishna, by your grace and mercy, I'm begging that if I have to take another birth here, then let it be in punya bhumi (India) instead of in papa bhumi (America)."
It's so important to have good association. In India the majority is naturally Krsna conscious. Here, people pretend there is no God in control, just the endless pursuit of sense gratification. One colossal insane assylum, and I'm one of the patients. You, Sarvo Prabhu, are well on your way. I'll bet Krsna can't wait to get you home. You've been practicing Krsna consciousness practically your whole lifetime, and if you stumbled, you got right back up. On the other hand, I tried real hard for a short time to be Krsna conscious, stumbled a couple of times, then fell and still haven't gotten back up. I'm a fool and a rascal. I can't tell you how many millions of times I've said that. I long for the spiritual strength to give up my nonsense activities and become an effective preacher of Krsna consciousness. Then I don't care how many more births I take. Just let me remember Krsna and surrender to Him. I really appreciate your association, Prabhu.
Replies
Actually we are swimming in the shoreless Ocean... We have to Keep Patience and carry out our activity of swimming.. If Krishna thinks.. He will pick us up and throw us on the shore.... Otherwise there is no otherway.. Its and unending MARATHON.. and we will have to run... PATIENCE is the Key..
I am writing these lines for my self purification only... I have not yet realised these lines..
Please have mercy on me.... and do not forget to pray for me...So that I can come to the level of Madhyama Adhikari.. Hare Krishna..
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
vancha-kalpa-tarubhyas ca krpa-sindhubhya eva ca... All glories to the vaisnavas!
In the beginning athough patient tastes sugar bitter but as his sickness is cured the real taste comes. in the same waty although in the beginning we may feel devotional injunctions very hard and fast but they will be revealed to us as nectarian as we will follow them regularly.