Sex life in marriage

Hare Krishna devotee!!

Please let me know principal of illicit sex

If husband and wife doing love each other and sex once in month not for procreation but for Love bonding and healthy connection 

And they do With both mutual consent does that also come as illicit sex ?

Is that sinful act ? Will we go to hell ? Will I get animal birth in next life ?


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  • Hare Krishna Prabhuji.

    Srila Prabhupada explains what is illicit sex in his purport to NOI, Text 1:
    "As far as the urges of the genitals are concerned, there are two—proper and improper, or legal and illicit sex. When a man is properly mature, he can marry according to the rules and regulations of the sastras and use his genitals for begetting nice children. That is legal and religious. Otherwise, he may adopt many artificial means to satisfy the demands of the genitals, and he may not use any restraint. When one indulges in illicit sex life, as defined by the sastras, either by thinking, planning, talking about or actually having sexual intercourse, or by satisfying the genitals by artificial means, he is caught in the clutches of maya. These instructions apply not only to householders but also to tyagis, or those who are in the renounced order of life."

    So thinking, planning, talking about, satisfying the genitals by artificial means, or actually having sexual intercourse with anyone other than one’s spouse for any purpose other than begetting good progeny (consentual or not), is considered illicit sex and is sinful.
    Leading a life wherein we have to completely abstain from illicit sex is a must to progress in bhakti that is the verdict of our sastras and acaryas. Now between married couples such a coordination is possible only if both are seriously practising Krishna consciousness. Love bonding and healthy connection are just delusions of mind to engage in sense gratification due to it's engagement with the mode of passion. Furthermore sastras also tell the importance of celibacy for spiritual enlightenment. In Bhagwat Gita 6.14 Lord Krishna says
    praśāntātmā vigata-bhīr
    brahmacāri-vrate sthitaḥ
    manaḥ saṁyamya mac-citto
    yukta āsīta mat-paraḥ

    Thus, with an unagitated, subdued mind, devoid of fear, completely free from sex life, one should meditate upon Me within the heart and make Me the ultimate goal of life. 
    Also in the purport of the same shloka Srila prabhupada says "One cannot enjoy sex life daily at home or elsewhere and attend a so-called yoga class and thus become a yogī. One has to practice controlling the mind and avoiding all kinds of sense gratification, of which sex life is the chief."

    Also there is this famous bhagwat gita sholka 
    tri-vidhaṁ narakasyedaṁ dvāraṁ nāśhanam ātmanaḥ
    kāmaḥ krodhas tathā lobhas tasmād etat trayaṁ tyajet
    There are three gates leading to this hell – lust, anger and greed. Every sane man should give these up, for they lead to the degradation of the soul.
    So as told by Lord Krishna lust or propensity of sense gratification should be given up at once.

    So i think it's ultimately upto the sadhak how much seriously he wants to attain Krishna. If someone wants to attain Krishna in the present life only then he has to ardently follow all the instructions of the acaryas to cent percent degree. However even if one is not able to follow all rules and regulations he will not vanquish as promised by Krishna himself but such a devotee will again take birth and try to progress in another life, such is the beauty of devotion.

    Furthermore if someone is finding it difficult to completely abstain from illicit sex life then they should not give up their bhakti or get demotivated but instead pray to Krishna to overcome this lust and should seek the association of devotees in the temple and consult them for many of them have already overcome such obstacles in their married life and they can surely guide you through their examples.  

    I will not go into the part whether one will go to hell or take animal birth in next life because these are very intricate topics and the discussion can stretch as far you can stretch it. I think one should be very cautious as a simplest of mistake or crelessness can deviate oneself from their designated paths.
    Pardon me if there is any sort of rudeness in my answer. 

    Hare Krishna,

    • Thanks for your detailed answer here. I'm so much glad to read this topic and know about illicit sex. Have a very good day!

    • Thank you Prabhu ji 

      I have another question 

      What will happen to those person who do pooja daily and do 2-4 rounds of japa and also do Ekadashi fast and he has no desire.. he do his duties without ego  selfless desire but occasionally  take drink in party with Freinds in get together during some events .person is not addicted to drinking but once in 2 months in some events due material maya he caught in web of alcohol but very limited, as it very difficult to avoid social circles or avoid office party if we are living in material world and if we avoid freinds then somehow you feel very loneliness in life .. I know it possible but for that you have to break relationship with Freinds and if we not got to such social events.. people will not talk to you, then yiu will get serpated from this social world ,I think only solution to avoid drinking habbit to join isckon devotee and join theirs association but if some not able to do
      1 .What sinful reaction will get to these person ?
      2.does his devotion service vanquished 
      3. Does he got animal birth in next life



      • Hare Krishna prabhuji .... there are four regulative principles in the path of bhakti one of which is no intoxication. Now though it is not only confined to alcohol but alcohol is a premium member of this group. Now if one drinks occasionally due to some reason be it office party or social pressure or whatsoever the reason may be, there are two reasons for that :-
        1 - He himself wants to indulge in sense gratification
        2 - He is genuinely being forced to indulge in such a habit due to his inability to say NO!
        If someone falls in the first category then you can simply copy paste my answer that i've given in the thread above and your doubt will be clarified as propensity to enjoy or gratifying one's senses be it through genitals or through intoxication are equally indulging in a sinful life.
        Now if one falls in the second category which is very rare as most of us adults already hold the position to make our choices then the story is different. I myself am a software engineer and have a large social circle in my office and they too do party and stuff and even many of my old friends which i made before i came to ISKCON are drinkers. Does that mean i have completely cut them off?. No! they are still friends of occasional jolly talks and please understand that the power of a devotee is to influence others and not to get influenced by others. So whenever they meet me they may jokingly ask me to drink very well knowing that i wont so it has become very simple for me to avoid such sitauations as i have already landed in their negative quadrant.
        Now if you feel that if refusing to indulge in intoxication will make your friends to treat you as a social outcast then please understand that being a non drinker is totally acceptable and specially in India you can easily cite religious reasons for not drinking. I'll personally tell you a hack you can wear a kanthi mala(neck beads) and since you are a beginner (i assume) you can wear 2 round sandalwood kanthi instead of tulsi ones. They are available in every ISKCON temple so you can get it from there. Now if in future if anyone asks you to drink alcohol just show them the kanthi and tell them that i cant drink as i have wore these for some religios reason, so no need to elaborate the whole philosophy behind not drinking. And since ISKCON is so famous many people will recognize you through your neck beads only and so they will deal with you accordingly. At the first day of my office i was astonished to know that many recognized the neck beads i was wearning and when they were asking everyone whether they will have a drink at one office party my HR came to me and herself told me no need to ask you you won't drink anyway. You see how much power the beads carry. Srila prabhupada has said that neck beads are like the dog collar of Krishna. It emphasizes that we belong to Krishna. Just as a domesticated dog identified by its dog collar is treated differently by the municipality similarly people will recognize you differently.
        Also i will also like to say that being a non drinker itself isn't a very big qualification to become a pure devotee. I suggest you to increase the number of rounds you are chanting and gradually come to 16 rounds chanting. Ekadashi fast that you are doing is very good. Just try to seek the association of devotees and you will surely see the ways through their examples as many of them themselves have already faced the sitautions that we are facing or will face.
        Hare Krishna 🙏

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