Hare Krsna To All, Please Accept my Humble Obeisances, All Glories to Srila Prabhupada
Okay, so I will go straightforward, and If prabhujis and matajis can give me some very good Genuine guidance then please give me. It will help me a lot. I am 20 years old, a college student.
So, I took a break or should I say not doing bhakti or in the worst way, left Serving Krishna for the past 8 months because of some family issue. So, this happened , I was trying to serve lord for more than 2 and half years, and I was going good with ups and downs in Bhakti. And by Krishna's mercy I got a very good devotee Association in a ISKCON temple in some other city as here, I don't have one. And eventually, I progressed in Bhakti. Krishna as Supersoul was also many times guiding me(I had confirmed this from Vaishnavas). I also had to go to tuition(as I went for studying) classes. And this, irritates me the most. Because as I was progressing I felt that this was a burden and an Impediment in my way. As I just wanted to serve Radhakrsna and this seems to be nonsense to me, as to get on a Pure bhakti level, I had to take pure bhakti knowledge and dip into it and practice, give more time but here, in tuition classes I had to take this nonsense Impure Materialistic knowledge. Also, it is an impediment in progress in Krishna Consciousness. I also confirmed this feeling and situation to many senior devotees and they said Yes, ki jo tark hai ya jaisa sochna hai tumhara. It is right. But adjust to karna padta hai student life mein and future mein you can use this knowledge in service. I went for some classes but I still felt total nonsense, So I prayed to RadhaKrishna to please do something about this. I want to serve only you. Prayed multiple times and I think the Lord reciprocated and put me in a situation where Either I have to choose Lord or Family. From the beginning, I was sure that I would choose the Lord.
Me being such a foolish rascal and cheater, I chose family. What a shameless blunder I did. I cried, Every part of my body was like saying choose Krishna but didn't choose Lord. Gradually, I came to zero rounds, no lecture, no association. Finished. And my life after this was a complete Nonsense, I tried to enjoy materialistic life but experienced heavy guilt but still, I did and degraded myself. Whenever I tried to get rasa mundane activity, Philosophy, Shlokas etc. always came in my mind, but I avoided and did many sins.
अब 8 महीने बाद मेरा वापस जाने का मन कर रहा है। मैं वापस जाना चाहता हु और भगवान का सेवा करना चाहता हु। It is not like I again Cried or Repent very hard, it was just a feeling that I want to go back. So, I have started, getting up early, doing 16 rounds, listening lectures, Planning to join online mangala aarti in morning. For now, I can go to that temple but either I have to create a big chaos in this house, or leave & run away from here. Also, Can't offer bhoga. I feel like the Lord is planning to put me in a better situation even if he is angry with me or a little bit changing my life. I will go to ISKCON Prayagraj, so will continue service there.
Problems -
1st - How to make my sankalp(determination) strong because I have consciously broken the rules, so how to regain that power. Also I chant the name till chanting, reading or listening about Lord, after that and Automatically, I start getting pleasure in material things.
2nd is that - Marriage.
पहले जब सेवा में थे तो मेरा सीधा यही Goal था की भगवान का शुद्ध भक्त बनना है| ब्रह्मचारी बन के रहो या गृहस्थ| But since we restarted here, I read something about marriage on a website, When it comes to sex and Grihastha Ashram, there is one line that has made a home in my mind. It was something like "don't be indifferent in Grihast ashrama and having sex. If you will provide only indifference to partner in this regard then better not to get married. don't spoil someone's life" Now, before reading this, my mind was interested more in serving Krishna but now marriage concept has captured my mind 70 to 88.57%. Pehle tha ki Bhagavan ka sevak banana hai, preaching karna hai, even if I will be in grihast ashram. I had clear vision that Goal is to become a pure serving devotee regardless of Ashram. But, now my mind is making a goal and mindset in itself to become more of a grihast than a Serving devotee. How to deal with this Nonsense? I am not against marriage, I may get married but first I want to have very good grip and control over my mind and senses and for that I have be a Servant of Lord and but, this marriage thing is creating more bhogi mindset in me.
How to Correct this? Unable to move from it.
Aur Isme problem ye hai ki Intimate hona padega, matlab ye bolne mein hi ki devotees ke bich intimacy like kissing, maybe fulfilling ones sexual fantasy positions etc., ye sab sun ke hi bada uncomfortable hota hai. Pata nahi when time will and situation like that come then how can someone handle such things. Maybe spouse or me may not be able to fulfil the fantasy or give/have complete satisfaction, tab to samne wala to bolega ki I have not felt complete satisfaction, or want more then It's a straight fall into the pit ki 4-5 time kar rahe hain even after having sufficient baby. And this disturbs me more, samne wala ya kahi main bhi itna irresponsible na ho ki sirf kuchh samay ke sukh ke liye tamasha bana de or bhagavan ko satisfy karne ki jagah samne wale ko satisfy karne mein dimaag laga rahe hain.
I fear this becuase mere dimaag mein clear hai ki whenever there is a need for procreation then we come and had and then totally focused on Radha Madan Mohan. It is my fear ki isi mein na jivan aur dimaag chala jaye. That's why, I think I disturbed by this. How to deal. And If I am wrong then please I beg you to Correct me🙏, specially on Intimacy part.
3rd - I eat sins, my mother cook those sins, especially "dal". Usme Masoor dal hota hai, unko mana karo tab bhi bana deti hain, kafi frustration hota hai kyunki it is considered as non-veg and one brahmachari even told me it is Cow's Blood. Oh Krishna. Please tell me what to do?
Hare Krishna
Replies
Hare Krsna
I am not sure how long ago you were introduced to Krsna consciousness or by whom you were introduced, but some understanding of Krsna consciousness you have presented above are at best wrong and at worst dangerous.
but here, in tuition classes I had to take this nonsense Impure Materialistic knowledge.
Pandavas had to learn to use weapons, learn to fight, learn and understand politics etc. Can you say that Arjuna's learning of archery was materialistic ? If someone says that Arjuna's learning of archery was materialistic, then that person has no spiritual knowledge or spiritual intelligence. If you say that Arjuna's learning of archery was spiritual, then why is it spiritual ? This is the most fundamental aspect of entire Srimad Bhagavatam. What makes anything spiritual or material ?
This is answered by Lord Himself to Brahma in Catushloki Bhagavatam as below
ṛte ’rthaṁ yat pratīyeta
na pratīyeta cātmani
tad vidyād ātmano māyāṁ
yathābhāso yathā tamaḥ
O Brahmā, whatever appears to be of any value, if it is without relation to Me, has no reality. Know it as My illusory energy, that reflection which appears to be in darkness. ( SB 2.9.34)
As stated above, it is the connection to Krsna that makes anything spiritual or material. This connection is not automatic and this has to be made by us as practicing devotees. The activities themselves are not spiritual or material. Even the activity of 9 processes of devotional service - chanting, hearing, etc are not automatically spiritual in themselves.
One should not hear the statements of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam from professional reciters, or else they will not be effective. Quoting from Padma Purāṇa, Śrī Sanātana Gosvāmī has strictly forbidden us to hear about the activities of the Lord and His devotees from the mouths of nondevotees:
avaiṣṇava-mukhodgīrṇaṁ
pūtaṁ hari-kathāmṛtam
śravaṇaṁ naiva kartavyaṁ
sarpocchiṣṭaṁ yathā payaḥ
“One should not hear anything about Kṛṣṇa from a non-Vaiṣṇava. Milk touched by the lips of a serpent has poisonous effects; similarly, talks about Kṛṣṇa given by a non-Vaiṣṇava are also poisonous.” (Purport SB 6.17.40)
Srila Prabhupada condemns mayavadis and their philosophy at every given chance. But most mayavadis practice the 9 activities of bhakti - Sravanam , Kirtanam etc but they are not devotees nor are they practicing bhakti.
This is because their consciousness is not to serve Krsna. So do not go by external activity. Krsna sees only the consciousness. It is possible for a person who is cleaning a random public road in the most materialistic city on earth to please Krsna more than a person who is performing deity worship in a temple in Vrindavan Dham. It is all in the consciousness and not the external activity.
The place, the time, the cause, the purpose, the activity and the ambition were all the same for both the demigods and the demons, but the demigods achieved one result and the demons another. Because the demigods are always under the shelter of the dust of the Lord’s lotus feet, they could very easily drink the nectar and get its result. The demons, however, not having sought shelter at the lotus feet of the Lord, were unable to achieve the result they desired. ( SB 8.9.28)
Someone may argue that Prahlad Maharaj condemns materialistic knowledge that Shanda and Amarka were trying to impart to him. Yes, that is true. The knowledge that Shanda Amarka were trying to impart to Prahlad Maharaj is condemned because that knowledge is useless for Prahlad Maharaj who is a pure devotee beyond any bodily conception of life. Prahlad maharaj was completely transcendental to material world. He could see Krsna everywhere. He would only see a spirit soul in every creature. His life and bhakti was not dependent on anything material like food, water etc. But even such a pure devotee eventually took responsibility of the kingdom and ruled his subjects performing all the material duties of the king, husband, father etc. Why ?
Hare Krsna
Also, it is an impediment in progress in Krishna Consciousness.
Nothing material can be an impediment in progress of Krsna Consciousness. No person, No job, no studies, no financial condition, no social condition, no health condition, no army, nothing in this material creation is capable of preventing the progress of bhakti of an individual. Prahlad Maharaj, Dhruva Maharaj, Gajendra, Draupadi, Pandavas, Hanuman, Sita, Jatayu, Ajamila are all examples of this.
I also confirmed this feeling and situation to many senior devotees and they said Yes, ki jo tark hai ya jaisa sochna hai tumhara. It is right.
I disagree.
this marriage thing is creating more bhogi mindset in me.
It is not that marriage is creating the bhogi mindet. Marriage is just an opportunity for the bhogi mindset to manifest. By not marrying, it is not that bhogi mindset is gone. No it is just hidden. And it will definitely come up again in some form or other unless it is completely removed from the core of the heart by intense practice of Bhakti.
Hare Krsna
many give up after a while, its like taking a break. Sometimes doing bhakti is enjoyable but hard at same time. I myself have given up many time. But one senior devotee was told me. Bhakti that you do its never lost. NEVER LOST. I know then i also use this as excuse for sense gratification. I dont have answer really how to stick to rounds bhakti etc. In the start thier is GREAT enthusiam but as time goes on that can wither away as our desires for stuff or things go on. One thing i found time and time again..
If your life is going good then you will wake early do bhakti, read Prabhupada books.
If your life it NOT going so good the first thing you do is STOP doing japa and stop reading.
Thats the 'test' Krishna gives. Haribol :))))