I am chanting from 3 years.
I want to become devotee of Krishna but don't want to do it by just assuming stuff and go ahead with that. Devotion is something that can never be faked and i don't know i should go ahead or not.
For some time we can assume but not always.
1. Doubt regarding God's system :
I, really, feel that life is highly unfair (because of unfair systems of god)
Law of Karma is in one sense highly unfair. Yes, it punishes criminal; but when? when he has lost his memory and when he does not have tendency to commit crime!!!
I always had this feeling in some corner of my heart but i used to push it inside giving reason that if it is created by Krishna, it has to be perfect.
I am not saying criminal should not be punished. But it could have been done in a fair way. After dying before jiva goes to next life he should be given punishment in hell. And next life should start plain and fair..... without prejudices.
It is said that god wants to give freedom to living entity, so he allows him to do what he wants to do and in next life jiva has to take reactions. But when he goes to next life he does not remember anything but he has to undergo suffering which itself is very big trauma.
eg : In mahabharata, kauravas did bad and they got bad in same life. - Fair!!
But, in real life we face so many things for which we have done nothing in this life. - Frustrating!!!!
2. Doubt regarding God's way of giving freedom:
I feel god hardly gives us what we want in life.
Then we are asked to assume that it is because we don't deserve it (bcoz of our own karma) or it is not good for us or this is not right time.
Due to fact of not having what is wanted, person is bound to feel pain and then we have to assume that we are not happy because we are not god conscious. (But actual reason is unfulfilled desire)
If Krishna wants soul to understand that soul cant be happy without him, Krishna should
give fair chance to that soul where he can actually have what he wants and then decide if is happy or not. And Jiva cant desire more than what Krishna can give. It is always said that our desires are endless but simple simple desires remain desires only. I have personally experienced it. Now saying that god will surely fulfill them in next life is like saying i ll surely study tomorrow.
I have seen people (materially prosperous, wealthy and those who have good family life n all) living happily even if they are atheistic. So, it makes me doubt if we can really not be happy without god or we never got chance to live life of our choice.
Now q comes why should god fulfill our desires. I feel because of 2 reasons:
1. Because krishna has created us jivas.
2. And we are given no power to fulfill our own desires. We are created in a way that we can only desire but have to depend on krishna for desires to get fulfilled.
Because of all these reasons i feel we are never given a fair chance to live life.