Hare krishna 🙏 I'm tyro in this spiritual journey so I just want to share my some personal problem to know what should I do ahead.just a brief introduction of mine currently I'm preparing for government exams and very new in this spiritual life I'm going through severe mental problems like overthinking,so many thoughts etc.when I was completed my 15 yrs after 4 months a guy enter im my life (he was my relative..and before saying any thing it was disgusted to do and even think at that age these things and my whole life I'll carry this guilt) that time I was doing my. 12 and in long relationship but I did sin in a nutshell I just tell you I had physical relationship with him .but after some time I realised he was not a good guy he told me lie about him many things and then I also told him to study for our future he never listend my many things done i can't explain but 2 years ago he spit everything front of my parents my life become hell now I don't want to even marry in my whole life with anyone my thinking is like if I had physical relationship with one guy I can't do with anyone else..and to be very honest I also don't want to live with him he is really so toxic I mean sooo much..krishna consciousness my story began from that time I just want peace in my life and know about iskcon about lord Krishna matter is that now I want my whole life unmarried and do good things and do things for parents bc they deserve so much..now the matter is I had physical relationship with him should I marry him just for this reason or can I live rest of my life unmarried?..if I don't marry him does lord Krishna will not pardon my sins????? I don't know we seriously my thinking just stuckkkk these thoughts bc of these tentions I can't even study properly i was bright student in my college but now I am missing my exams just by some numbers (gov exams)..how to start my krishna conciousness journey? How to rid off these sins? Will lord kanha pardon me or not??? Many many thoughts going on 2 yrs ago i attempted suicides bc he was like if you are not mine I'll not make you another wife but to be very honest I don't want marry in my life problem is my overthinking...pleasee help meee next year will my many exams and I m in corner missing exams just some numbers..help me pleaseee give some suggestions for my life regarding spiritual life study life as well as how i 'll get peace🙏🙏
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Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
Sad to know your story. What has happened is in the past and there is where you should keep it. Why relive the horror everyday?
YOu cannot change the past, what has happened has already happened. Now what you can do?
1) Sincerely repent from your heart.
2) Promise not to indulge in physical relationship with anyone outside of marriage.
3) Stop going on guilt trips everyday.
4) Start chanting everyday - chanting is chatting with the lord. Open your heart to Him and allow Him to heal you.
5) Associate with devotees, but do not share your past. These things are fodder for gossip and temple is no exception.
6) Read Srila Prabhupada's books.
7) Eat only Krsna prasadam.
8) Observe ekadasi if possible.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
hare krsna...read srila prabhupad books..start going to iskcon temple near by...attend classes..then start chanting.. personally worship tulasi maharani and laddu gopal-cook for him..serve/feed cows. Hear best lectures