I got married two years ago to an Indian girl and 90 days later, I called her workplace only to find out that she wasn't even scheduled to work. She used to work the night shift. It went downhill from here because it turned she had been doing this numerous times since we got married. She was previously divorced and out of good will, our family didn't let that cloud our judgment and accepted her. I treated her with red carpet however after marriage, it was like she was a different person. She picked on me for my sleeping style and why I had my back to her while sleeping. If we had an argument, she made me realize that our marriage was on the rocks. I looked at these situations as growth in a marriage, not that our marriage was on the rocks.
After I caught her, she tried to tell me that she was on the verge of losing her job and that is why she would leave home every night because she wanted me to think of her as a good wife who didn't want to pressure her husband with her problems. I didn't buy that because she herself admitted that she had done this to me numerous times. I filed for divorce. She was furious because I went to the same lawyer that had prosecuted her during the 1st divorce and yes, I did it to prove to her what it feels like to betray someone's trust. She had told me about her 1st divorce attorney and yes, I am ashamed to say that I used that info against her. She sent me emails during the divorce saying how dare I broke her trust like that. The attorney's told me to pack up her belongings in boxes and get ready to ship to her house. Before we could, she showed up at my door, called the cops on me because I wouldn't let her in the house. She tried to use the state community property law against me saying it was her residence when it was my house. She was angry that I had the boxes packed. She said she came to talk things over but then right in front of the cop, she tells me "Oh come on, these things happen in a marriage. Get over it." That truly broke my heart. At this point, I didn't want to patch things up anymore. Right there in front of the cops, she demanded the gifts she had given me during marriage and I even gave the wedding ring back. She never gave me hers and I didn't want it.
Sorry to bore all of you with the details but I felt you should know the background. I came from a spiritual family and before marriage, I found out that she acted like a homely and spiritual girl just to enter my life. During the divorce, people from her past found out about me and contacted me and told me that in her first marriage, she had physical relations with other men. They told me that I was trapped because this woman is a liar and traps guys like me. She married the first husband for the greencard and literally abused her in-laws to the point where the boy's mother now has a pacemaker because of her. One of the guy's she had an affair with contacted me directly and told me that I need to leave her. He told me how she had an affair with him and even ruined his marriage and even called the cops on him. It turns out she has no empathy and was a "gold digger" and sociopath. I didn't even know what sociopath meant and then the more I found out about her past, the more I realized that divorcing her was the right thing.
As a devotee, I got married in mandir. She was a different religion and she agreed to live by hindu dharma when I first met her. It turned out she acted the whole thing. Even her family acted with her. This is what they do, I guess. My dad took this to heart because I am an only son and he lost strength in both his legs and is now disabled. He cannot walk and is now in a nursing home. We visit him weekly. My mom took it to heart as well, had three accidents that year and now lost her job due to the stress. Her life savings are lost in the medical bills.
I married this girl because she was beautiful and all she enjoyed was sex. She presented herself as a family oriented girl and I thought was a lucky guy who was getting a homely girl who was also modern at the same time. I was not Krishna Conscious when I married her and I know now that I should have never married a divorced girl because spiritually, she still was connected with the first husband. I grew up in a loving family where my mom raised me spiritually by taking me to temple. Every morning for the last 30 years, I prayed before going to work and even now, we live everyday by watching the "Little Krishna" animation movie every day. My mom and I talk about that animation movie like Krishna is in the room with us. We admire Krishna's cuteness and his beautiful naughty pranks.
Where I need your help is the following: Should I live alone for the rest of my life and dedicate it to Krishna or should I find a life partner? There are times when I find loneliness bothers me and I would prefer to be with a nice Krishna Conscious girl. But I also know I don't want kids now. I don't want to bring kids in this world. I am confused as to what I should do. I tried American dating sites however that is not for me. I now realize that I love Krishna so much that I don't want to be a part of this material world and go to baseball games or travel etc. I want to live in peace. Can someone please guide me?