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My name is Kunal Bhardwaj, a very new member of Isckon & desire tree. The reason I joined this platform just to clear my doubts & problems that comes my way so hope my concerns will be rectified in a good way without any dispute.

I've one of my very close friend who is 29 in age & a very nice person as a human being but nowadays he is really in much trouble. I am praying to Lord Krishna to help him so that he can lead a happy & peaceful, life ahead. 

The problem he is facing right now is that he really wants to go into Grihastha Ashram by marrying a good partner with whom he can share his heart for a long time but unfortunately, he has some men's problem at his private part by birth which has many disadvantages such as he cannot have sex throughout his life and cannot urinate like a normal man in public. He had gone through many operations for his problem but didn't get successful. 

Rest everything is fine as a normal man, I always encouraged him by saying that don't worry, no one in this world is 100% perfect except God everyone has some flaws & they are living nicely.  He says that my heart & soul is really willing to get married but how could I marry despite such a huge problem? No girl will accept me & he said if I  can't make a girl/woman a mother then what's the point of doing marriage. I guess every girl wants to become a mother after marriage. 

So, I suggested him not to do marriage & remain, bachelor, because you can't spoil a girl's life but inside he really wants to get married after all everyone needs moral support in life.

Please suggest to me what to do for my friend & what shastras say about such a condition.

 

Many apologies if I hurt someone unintentionally.

 

Your new servant. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Replies

  • Tell your friend to be honest and purify his soul through Krishna Consciousness, and as His heart turns more towards serving Krishna, the deepest and most wonderful Love will come into His life, and even that of a significant other. God will surprise one in the most miraculous Ways, and before that one can wait. Krishna only had intercourse with Radha two times and still they are celebrated as the most Beautiful Love story in Human History. I hope the best for your friend, and I want you to know there are plenty of people willing to fully Love someone like him, and they are from the Spiritual World. Hare Krishna.

    • Bhakta Krishna Das Singh 

      What do you mean by your statement ''Krishna only had intercourse with Radha two times''? Can you explain in this detail.

      • 5000 Years ago in the Vedic system, men and women were much more chaste, and there was not such a degedation of society as there is today. We are trying to restructure this in our Krishna Consciousness movement. Because of this, it was easy for Radha and Krishna to maintain their chastity. It is confidential knowledge, but Krishna spent many years with Radha, but with regards to intercourse my Spiritual Master informed me that they only engaged in it twice in Vrndaven on this Earth. Krishna spent much time with the Gopis but His Love was selfless and kind, charming and Lovely, but it was not sensual or lusty. It was Transcendental. If your friend becomes a purely Krishna Conscious Person He can understand the Secret of the Love between Radha and Krishna, and swim in their Love and become Their Perfect Servant with his significant other. Hare Krishna.

  • Hare Krishna,

    We don't chose 3 things in life prabhu. 1. parents. 2. life partner 3. children.  They come accordingly depending on the past karmic actions with these. It looks like you are chosing one among many suitors but actually they come to you according to the destiny.  It is runanubandhan they say. If this person has had some len den( dealing ) with any person in his past life and he has to pay in cash, kind or service then only they come to him back in this life.

    Prabhu ji is suffering from a health condition and he knows it he is not rightful candidate for marriage. It is like what sake he is marrying is the question.

    1. for children sake- then there is an option to adopt a child and take care of him like a father + mother ..If the person loves children very much.

    2. for sake of the child if he wants a female to be with him and do service to him and child also..that type of woman are very rare find. who will sacrifice her life for just doing seva for you and kid? the kid who is not her own also?

    3. okay in case the gentleman finds a girl and she is head over heals in love with him she may sacrifice her life for the sake of love..? this is tough but a valid reason is Love should be very strong.

    4. If the girl is also handicapped and she is not getting married..Yes this condition maybe okay. If the prabhu ji is okay to marry a blind woman or a crippled girl and give her  good life. Healthy family atmosphere and adopt a child and live just happily not bringing physical intimacy but emotional bonding perfectly nice.

    The 4th option alone seems okay.

    Can the prabhu ji marry a crippled girl who is in wheel chair ? or a blind girl and give her a life? Both can help each other and adopt a child also keep a nanny to take care.

    I know that your friend wants emotional support of a woman. But is he willing to give life to a crippled or Blind+ orphan girl who has no one to take care of.?? and give her a good life.?

    Hare Krishna

    • Hare Krishna Maataji. Gayatri 

      I agree with what you said & the only reason my friend wants to get married in spite of his health condition which unfortunately had made him non-eligible for getting married is not to get physical intimacy but to get moral, emotional support which will help him to advance in bhakti keeping Krishna in between. Although he has made his mind almost to not get married due to his men's problem & keeping celibacy as an option still he doesn't want to give up very easily until there is no option left for him. 

      I've seen many cases where both the partners have accepted each other in spite of their huge health problems & they are leading a happy married life. I understand that everything in our life happens due to our previous & current Karmic reactions & we have to bear the fruit. 

      Yes, my friend is even ready to accept a crippled or blind girl if that girl is also ready to accept but the thing is my friend is looking after a devotee girl over a non-devotee girl because I guess devotee girl understands the value of sacrifice than a non-devotee girl. 

      Rest he will leave everything to Krishna because I am sure Krishna has a good plan for my friend even he gets married or become brahmachari. The end goal is Krishna. 

      Hare Krishna.

      Your Servant.

  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Prabhuji,

    PAMHO.

    If there is a medical issue, and it cannot be solved, then it is best that he doesnt get married. He should associate with brahmacaris and try to develop the attitude of a celibate.

    Like you rightly mentioned, it would not be fair to spoil a girl's life in this manner.

    Haribol,

    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

    • Hare Krsna Maataji.

      Many apologies for replying you very late in regard to my doubt.

      I agree with what you've recommended but if my friend really wants to go into Grihastha ashram, despite such a problem, So is there any 1% of possibility for him to get married? Is adoption a way for having a child or anything else?

      Your Servant:

      Kunal Bhardwaj

      • E-Counselor

        Hare KRsna Prabhuji,

        PAMHO.

        What can I say? Atleast he should be honest with the girl before she says yes to him. Then it is on individual girl if she wants to get into this kind of arrangement. Doesnt appear feasible to me. 

        Wouldnt it be better to get into brahmacari ashram and spend life in the service of Krsna with full heart, body and devotion. I would do that.

        Haribol,

        YOur servant,

        Radha Rasamayi DD

        • Thank you Maataji for your suggestion.

          Haribol,

          Your Servant:

          Kunal Bhardwaj

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