Hare Krishna Prabhuji / Mataji,
Please accept my humble obeisances unto your lotus feet
All glories to Srila Prabhupada
My grandmother is in her 90s when she was in her 50s she did Krishna bhakti but didn't have the knowledge about Krishna. Later on she left bhakti and started hurting everyone in our native place house by uttering bad words till now she does the same. My father amongst four siblings take care of her but she scolds him only and love the other siblings. My father has become very much agitated and gets angry on small small issues and scolds her back but carry outs his duty properly. So in this scenario, it's my father's duty to take care of his mother when she is old enough but he expects her to behave as per his will which doesn't happens and he gets more agitated. What is the role of karma in this? Why is my father suffering?
Replies
Hare KRsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
There is some karma left between your father and his mother. THey are settling that.
He is doing his duty, and at the same time, he must be close 65-70 years of age. So he has also grown old and set in his ways. Ignore and let them be. They will fight because they have got used to it, but there is affection in that fight also, which you and I cannot understand. Only the 2 of them can understand. That is the reason they are still carrying on.
What you can do is :
1) Play Srila Prabhupada non stop maha mantra instrument in low volume in the house 24 hours.
2) if possible, keep deities in the altar and pray to them everyday.
3) Keep Tulsi maharani in the house or in the courtyard and pray to her everyday.
4) Make rangoli from rice powder outside your house everyday. I have heard from South Indians this brings peace inside the house and reduces clashes.
5) Keep chanting and praying for both of them.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Hare Krishna Mataji,
Please accept my humble obeisances unto your lotus feet
All glories to Srila Prabhupada
Its been a month since my grandmother's arrival. The hare krishna mantra is played at our house in low volume, we take krishna prasadam everyday, we serve tulsi maharani everyday and deity worship is also done everyday.
I can see my grandmother's mood changing from very soft to very rough. She sometimes talks very sweetly and sometimes her tongue is enough to hurt my mother and father. Why so? Also she is getting very much troublesome day by day. She used to never miss Krishna's bhajans when she was doing well how come now she doesnt even remember Krishna at all?
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
What can be done about a 96 year old? Beyond senility - no option but to tolerate her. Let the elders handle - you stay away if that hurts. You can maybe bring some relief to the tension at home with humor and trying to take everyone along in each function or get together.
Apart from that, grand mother not able to do bhajan at this age - no answer. Maybe she has become bitter because of all the beatings she would have got in life or maybe health doesnt permit. Who knows. They dont even like to tell at that age. If you have the patience, ask her and coax her to chant and hear bhajans for atleast an hour everyday. Most likely she will not listen. What can you do? Just let her be. Try to be nice to her and make her comfortable, thats all.
Make it a point to go and sit with her for 15 min everyday. I have understood that the elderly only want our time. They dont want material things from us beyond a point.
Just be patient. Matter of few days/ weeks/months/ years - who knows.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Hare Krishna Mataji,
Thank you for your kind response.
Mataji my grandmother cannot hear, and we have to yell so loudly at her. She is conditioned in such a way that her habits are very much troublesome, and i cant let my parents do it all alone so after work halfen up the work my parents have to do. It hurts to see all this my parents suffering. Still i never ever has doubted Krishna in this. Its our bad karma thats it.
Sometimes we all feel very guilty to even go in front of Krishna because of the bad temper we have used while talking to her.
Also when i try to take her for deep dan she refuses and says ill things to krishna.
How can we all stay calm in this process mataji?
So if she is speaking ill about Krsna, do not ask her for deepdaan, so that she doesnt commit more aparadha. Regarding shouting at her, what is the need? Simply let her be. Let her do what she wants to do. At 90 plus, I am sure she is not doing any housework or cooking. Why not simply let her be?
You wanting to chip in and help your parents is very good, commendable. Continue. What is the challenge in that?
If you can bring in some love, taking care of her will not be so painful.
Without any example, it is difficult for me to understand what is troublesome habit.
Just to put in perspective, I stay with 80+ mother in law. I am aware of old age related problems.
Consider the entire episode to be a test of patience and tolerance that Krsna is putting you through. Trust Him. If he has got you to it, He will get you through it. There is a reason why you have to go through this. Later you will understand and will be able to apply it in your Krsna Consciousness.
Hare Krishna Mataji,
All glories to srila prabhupada.
With your blessings there is a change in my behaviour. Its Krishna's teachings that had calmed me and showed me a way out.
Hare Krsna,
Pamho, All glories to srila prabhupad,
I have preached to lots of American kids and most of them have divorced parents and also non devotee parents. Obviously its their bad karma who fetched them parents like these. Remember Dhritrashtra was wicked and thus he got duryodhan like son whereas Pandu got divine sons like pandavas. Your father has to tolerate this at the same time have to serve mother her and take her souls blessings. Your grandmother is definitely not happy with her rest of the sons not taking care of her thats why she is disturbed and frustrated and she is showering her life pain on your father. He should stop reacting to her and avoid any sort of confrontation.
Ideally, devotees are supposed to sing kirtans or recite stotras at home to spread the divinity, transcendental sound vibrations at home. This pacifies the atmosphere.