Dandwat Pranam,
PAMHO
So, about six months ago during the summer(I was 14), I was invited by someone on the Discord app to a group chat called Sri Gaudiya Vaishnava Nitai Parivaara. So I went there and learned that there was some guru who was giving initiation through Discord(an online app). So when summer was about to end, without thinking, I rushed initiation without thinking if he was a bonafide guru or not(I just wanted a das name, which is pretty stupid of me) because at the time I didn't know what the requirements were of a true guru. The thing is that during his lectures he would only speak Hindi I could never understand Hindi. So fast-forward a couple of months he was exposed for not being well versed in shashtra and all he would tell was Krishna katha. He would also say that Shiva and Krsna are equal which is not what Gaudiya Sampradaya believes. He also said some pretty controversial stuff. After that the group was broken and the person who invited me actually became an atheist. He would just say that the conclusion of Shastra was to chant, so he would say that you don't need to read Shashtra while chanting. So when I didn't defend him(because he said some pretty controversial stuff like R*pe is a blessing and removing of bad karma) he said that I had committed Guru Aparadha and that my bhakti would fall. Then later he told me that HE IS NOT MY GURU and that his GURU is MY GURU. He said that he gave me diksha in the place of his guru. It also turned out that he was a Radha-Kunda Babaji and I am pretty sure Srila Prabhupada Maharaj said some bad things about them and how they are not bonafide. So here are my questions:
1. Is it even possible for the Guru to permit a disciple to initiate others for harinaam diksha?
2. If it is possible, can I get rid of my initiation, I feel like I am too young for initiation and that was clueless of me.
3. Is what I did Guru Aparadha, I didn't defend the so-called "guru" and didn't get angry when he was exposed and other bad-mouthing?
4. And if I did commit guru aparadha am I headed towards hellish planets?
Thank you for reading this and I sincerely bow down to all the Vaishnavas. Radhe Shyam.
Replies
Hare Krsna prabhu,
Dont consider this diksha as a real diksha. Disciple and Guru's relation is not limited to one birth,from many many life times our guru is with us but krsna reveals it when you are eligible for it. When the disciple is ready capable Guru comes to rescue you. In kaliyuga you will come across many such so called gurus who will be ready for giving you diksha but these so called gurus CANNOT give NAAM RUCHI to their disciple. Even after diksha you will see they have no interest towards INCREASING their chanting,this is not a proper diksha. Real Guru will give you so much krsna prema and naame ruchi that you will feel like chanting and chanting and chanting.
What happened with you was an EVENT ..NOT A DIKSHA. So dont worry. keep chanting and serious chanting will reveal your true Guru one day.