Hare Krishna!

I am 27 years Old male. I am from a religious tamil brahmin family, I was born and brought up in Mumbai. I was brought up with very conservative values, but on one in my family could explain why we lived the way we did. This led to depression in my life and conflict between my conservative upbringing and very liberal society. This also pushed me to abandon god and become a budhhist.

I work and live in Paris, France. 4 years ago due to my ignorance, I ended up having a crush on a girl we ended up kissing, nothing further happened. After that event I went into depression, as I saw the reality of such a relationship.

During lockdown I started doing a lot of research and reading a lot and listening a lot. I slowly started developing a high interest in bhakti, it answered all my doubts and calmed me. Now for 1 year I have been following strictly, chanting 8 rounds, and listening to bhagavatam classes every day and reading prahbupada's books. I have become more happy and grounded than I have ever been.

In the past week my mother has started talking about my marriage. She knows well about my journey in Bhakti and she also has started along with me. I don't see myself marrying anyone who is not interested in Bhakti. Now I feel guilty. I feel I have forfeit my brahmacharya status when I kissed that girl. I am impure and don't deserve to get married. I also used drink a little alcohol due to peer pressure even though I hate it.

How to I accept the mistakes done in the past and move forward, and how do I explain my impious activities in the past to a potential partner? 

I apolagize for any mistakes or offence with this question, Hari bol!


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  • Hare Krishna! Thank you for all your answers, it gives me hope... I spoke with my parents to give me more 1-2 years to advance my bhbakti first, do more seva and then start talking about it.

  • Hare Krishna Prabhu ji!


    prabhu ji don't worry. the circumstances in which you did all that, were the actual evil. you yourself know that if your circumstances had been better, you wouldn't have drunk alcohol or kissed anyone! and to be honest, if we aren't in bhakti at that time, everyone in their adolescence tend to think about the opposite gender. it's scientific also! those who are in bhakti will not think about the opposite gender and get attracted to it, no doubt. but that's because we know that there is this really sweet and beautiful personality known as krishna waiting for us. you became a buddhist, so you didn't know that the most attractive personality was waiting for you and loved you. thus you felt attracted to it's spark. that's okay! if you knew that krishna loved you so so much, and he was the most beautiful of all, and you still would have felt attracted to the mata ji, then, there would have been some problem in your realisation. but you didn't know! that's not your fault.

    every saint has a past, every sinner has a future

    Hare Krishna!

    (i feel that i only told you about the mata ji situation, so, if you have any other doubt, then please ask. although Bharat prabhu ji and gayatri mata ji answered your question pretty well so there wasn't even any need for me to answer)

    Hare Krishna!

    • i know you weren't in your adolescence when you kissed the mata ji, it was just an example

      Hare Krishna!


  • Sevak

    Hare Krsna 

    How to I accept the mistakes done in the past and move forward, and how do I explain my impious activities in the past to a potential partner? 

    Just the way you have done it here

    Hare Krsna

  • Hare Krishna,

    Every Jiva has to enjoy the fruits of Sanchita Karma and Prarabdha karma. We meet people only because we have to finish the unfinished karma with them. Pls. don't feel bad about the past. 

    Sanchita Karma Is totally karma back log which has to be settled. And Parabdha karma is part of the Sanchita Karma which is ready to be experienced by this present body. You had something to finish with that past girl friend .. you are done., move on now to face new people and enjoy or suffer the Pradabdha karma with new people now.  

    During the period when ur Prarabdha karma with a person is over.. that phase you mind is coming back to its Original state that is bhakti.

    If you keep doing Bhakti.. and face the Prarabdha karam you can not feel its effects much. If you are away from bhakti.. the Prarabdha karma will cause you pain and suffering.

    Like for example:-

    You are travelling on a road which has some parts clean and smooth some part of the road is having pits and you are travelling in a auto rickshaw. How do you feel when suddenly you fall into a pit and auto picks up and again travels for some distance again .. Thudddddd. fell in a pit.. again travelling. You get lot of jerks.. painful ride isn't it?

    But if you are practicing Bhakti yoga and travelling.. this time you are travelling in a Mercedes Benz car.. You see,  the road is the same.., the challenges met are same ( same pits holes) but the shock absorbers in this car as compared to auto rickshwa are far far far better. So you may not even feel the pain. Isn't it? Travelling becomes a peice of cake.  

    You have to face new people and settle the karma exchange with them.  If you had to do some dealing ( in past life ) with them then only you are going to meet them and once the exchange the debt is done... you move on. This life time you will facing some people and going to some places ( like in ur case.. Paris and the friends you met, the places you visited)  This is all happening because you had to finish dealings with them.  The time when there was no Prarabdha karma ready to face.. You are coming back to Bhakti. Now, it is upto  you to hold on to Bhakti and travel in a Mercedes Benz or take the auto rickshaw.. and keep on suffering the Prarabdha karma effects. Because anyways you have to face ur Prarabdha karma. The only way to reduce its negative effects are by taking the process of Bhakti and holding on to a bolster called GURU and chanting which can cut down the effects.. I mean you will not feel so bad or emotional upsets wont be too bad.

    Hare Krishna.

    • "How to I accept the mistakes done in the past and move forward, and how do I explain my impious activities in the past to a potential partner? "

      You don't need to explain anything to anyone. You have to explain to ur antarmanah ( supersoul)... That you have done mistakes and that you are going to rectify them by doing surrender to Krishna completely.

      Krishna is our best friend. All explaination should be given to Him and come clean in front of Lord that is only what is needed. You need not tell ur going to be partner and wreck the new relationship ( Because you don't know how the potential partner may react.,, If she is understanding and broad minded she may accept.. If she is narrow minded she may judge you at every step which is boring... In my opinion, leave the PAST TO PAST).. Just proceed further say sorry to Krishna thats all. And forget the past. 

      You are answerable to only Krishna. And Krishna will forgive all mistakes unless you do complete Sharnagati. 

      hare krishna.

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