As much as we yearn to marry only a devotee, are we successful in protecting the marriage...or atleast to avoid divorce?
Divorce has become a very common phenomena nowadays, but the sad thing is it is also a common issue among the devotees nowadays...
What is lacking? Not enough teaching? Not enough patience? Or what is over flowing? Too much of expectations? Too much of material desires?
Please feel free to give your comments and ideas.....
Marriage is justa a ceremony...what is important is the married life......
Replies
Sometimes intuition and bad omens may signal that a marriage between two people should not be arranged. As conditioned souls our natural tendency is to ignore such signals. Therefore consulting an expert astrologer may be helpful in arranging a successful marriage ceremony and to make sure that both are compatible.
Obviously other aspects of marriage ( such as patience, sincere commitment, devotional service, and so on ) are equally important and have been detailed by devotees in other replies to this thread.
Hare Krsna
This genuine concern being brought up in such an open forum for discussion is genuinely appreciated.
The liberty to present this comment is taken at your request since you have written "Please feel free to give your comments and ideas....."
The statement : Marriage is justa a ceremony...what is important is the married life......
is against the Bhaktivedanta Purports given in Bhagavad Gita As It Is
yajna-daana-tapah-karma
na tyaajyam kaaryam eva tat
yajno daanam tapash caiva
paavanaani maniisinaam
Verse 5 from chapter 18 entitled "Conclusion - The perfection of renunciation" Bhagavad Gita As it is
Translation - Acts of sacrifice, charity and penance are not to be given up; they must be performed. Indeed, sacrifice, charity and penance purify even the great souls.
In Purport - The Lord says here that any sacrifice which is meant for human welfare should never be given up. Vivaha-yajna, is meant to regulate the human mind so that it may become peaceful for spiritual advancement. For most men, this vivaha-yajna should be encouraged even by persons in the renounced order of life. All prescribed sacrifices are meant for achieving the Supreme Lord. Therefore, in the lower stages, they should not be given up. all sacrifices which are meant for material advancement in life should be given up, but sacrifices that purify one's existence and elevate one to the spiritual plane should not be stopped.
Translation BG 18.7 - Prescribed duties should never be renounced. If one gives up his prescribed duties because of illusion, such renunciation is said to be in the mode of ignorance.
What can we understand by this
What could be lacking? Not enough teaching? Not enough patience?
The purpose of vivaha yajna - regulation of human mind for spiritual advancement, for achieving supreme lord is lacking. This purpose is lacking. Without pupose one may feel "its just ceremony, the life after ceremony is important".
What is important is the purpose of the ceremony - Krsna and service unto him. If Krsna is there everything is there. If Krsna is not there its all empty.
Or what is over flowing? Too much of expectations? Too much of material desires?
Everything else other than Krsna. It is called Maya - That which is not
thank you very much Bharat prbahu....your explanation is really clear...But there is something that i really would like to know....
Why do we call marriage ceremony as something auspicious? Is it because marriage is simply good without any reasons?
I feel sometimes we portrait things excessively.....not as what it really is
the fact is that even when ur married to a devotee, you go through the same suffering...sad to say, sometimes even more....so where does the spiritual factor go?
I am just being honest.....please forgive me if i have asked anything wrong....
Hare Krsna
Why do we call marriage ceremony as something auspicious? Is it because marriage is simply good without any reasons?
Because it is a vedic ceremony meant to please krsna. All yajna is meant to please Krsna. He is the supreme enjoyer of yanja. So vivaha yajna is beginning of two individuals entering a relationship to serve Krsna together within the regulations of grihastha ashrama. Purpose of varnashrama is to please Krsna. So marriage is the beginning of the grihastha ashrama
I feel sometimes we portrait things excessively.....not as what it really is
Most karmis do. For parents of bride & groom it is a social ceremony to showcase their status, riches, presetige etc. For the attenders it is entertainmaint, with music orchestra, food nice sense gratification. For the bride & groom it is license to pursue sexual sense gratification, the zenith of material pleasure.
So considering the above, the misunderstanding, divorces, etc is not surprising.
when ur married to a devotee, you go through the same suffering...sad to say, sometimes even more....so where does the spiritual factor go?
The spiritual factor is Krsna himself. Krsna spontaneously when there is loving devotional service. So the individuals have to ask where has their loving devotional service gone ?
There is however adversities within devotional service like what was faced by Prahlan maharaj etc. These are situaltions which were created by Krsna to test his devotee. Prahlad maharaj simply remembered Krsna and Krsna empowers to come across the greatest difficulty.
So firstly the individuals in a marriage must have clear purpose, goal & understanding of marriage. Entering marriage is not like entering a disco club with drinks, food, song and dance. Entering marriage is like entering a gym - hardwork, sweat, pain and fitness.
With this understanding one must endeavour to serve krsna within framework of marriage. There will be adversities, during which one must take shelter of Krsna. The Krsna purifies and helps. Then the individuals make advancement.
YS Bharat
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
I completely empathise with what you are trying to convey. I will give my views:
1) Marriage is auspicious because it is bringing two souls together on the journey of life - in case of devotee marriage - to serve Krsna together, to help each other on the path of devotional service, in the case of non - devotees - to go through the journey of life together.
Like everything else in life, marriage has its plus and minus points - its not that all is negative and neither is all positive. Its just that when two people are coming together, everyone wishes them good understanding and bonding so taht they can go through the ups and downs of life together.
Like how when a child is born, absolutely nobody laments that this world is so bad, with so many struggles, why this soul has come to the world in the form of this child to struggle and suffer. That same way, when a marriage is happening, nobody laments - people wish the couple well.
2) Now coming to why people suffer in devotee marriages - each individual has his or her own concept of devotion (mostly it is based on convenience), in terms of what aspect of devotion one has accepted and waht aspects one has not yet accepted, its not even on the cards to accept.
Secondly, we are all on the path of devotion - nobody is a devotee yet. We are at best aspiring sadhakas. Thats why we have the material contamination to think that our way of devotion is the best, that we are very good devotee and everyone else is still learning. Thats why we try to impose our views on the other - recipe for conflict.
I have seen enough horror stories at close quarters - which I would not like to recount here. My conclusion at the end is that - devotee or sadhaka or not, we are still getting reactions of our past karma. Tahts why we suffer because we are destined to suffer so much. Someone is just the medium. We can change the medium, not our destiny to suffer unless we become so dear to the lord that He takes over our sins and eliminates our suffering.
I have another point to share - if we suffer and our suffering brings us closer to Krsna and we learn that we are fully dependent only on Krsna, then our suffering is worth it. What is wrong with suffering? What is the purpose of our life as sadhakas - to live a life free of suffering or to aim to reach Krsna? Once we are clear of our goal - this suffering will not matter. We will simply use it to become more detached from family life/ worldly affairs and become more and more dependent on Krsna for everything.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi
-as we all know, in vedic grihasta ashrama divorce doesnt exist .
-for vedic brahmanas ,kshatriyas and vaishas marriage cant be broken no matter what reason can be,
but in kali yuga almost all are shudras, therefore divorce it seems just normal thing to do.
Hare Krishna Mataji,
Bitter truth is that ISKCON has seen many broken marriages than outside society.
There should be compatability between two people for marriage doesnt matter
devotee or non-devotee. You are lucky if you get some devotee wife or husband who
is simple minded and caring but if you end up with some one who is egoist and
over flown with scriptural knowledge then you will witness hell. Most of the devotees
are helpful and good at heart but there will be some who think everything they do
is correct and feel superior in knowledge to their partners. They do all wrong and
will be still confident that krishna will take care of them. Its all about compatability,
if you have nice partner who can connect you emotionally and treat you with love then
no way your marriage is in trouble. Understanding , sacrifice and patience is key in
any relation as per my understanding. Thank you.
Your servant
Aakash
scriptural knowledge
very well said....true...too much of knowledge definitely makes our life and others miserable too.....and there is ego..... aren't we supposed to be humble?
The issue is they read and learn a lot....but practise nothing......knowledge is used only for preaching purpose...not for themselves.....
SAD......