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sukanyā cyavanaḿ prāpya 

patiḿ parama-kopanam 

prīṇayām āsa citta-jñā 

apramattānuvṛttibhiḥ 

 

TRANSLATION: Cyavana Muni was very irritable, but since Sukanyā had gotten him as her husband, she dealt with him carefully, according to his mood. Knowing his mind, she performed service to him without being bewildered. 

 

PURPORT: This is an indication of the relationship between husband and wife. A great personality like Cyavana Muni has the temperament of always wanting to be in a superior position. Such a person cannot submit to anyone. Therefore, Cyavana Muni had an irritable temperament. His wife, Sukanyā, could understand his attitude, and under the circumstances she treated him accordingly. If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a woman. 

 

Even in the dealings of Lord Kṛṣṇa with His different queens, it has been seen that although the queens were the daughters of great kings, they placed themselves before Lord Kṛṣṇa as His maidservants. However great a woman may be, she must place herself before her husband in this way; that is to say, she must be ready to carry out her husband's orders and please him in all circumstances. Then her life will be successful. When the wife becomes as irritable as the husband, their life at home is sure to be disturbed or ultimately completely broken. In the modern day, the wife is never submissive, and therefore home life is broken even by slight incidents. Either the wife or the husband may take advantage of the divorce laws. 

 

According to the Vedic law, however, there is no such thing as divorce laws, and a woman must be trained to be submissive to the will of her husband. Westerners contend that this is a slave mentality for the wife, but factually it is not; it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be. In this case we clearly see that although Cyavana Muni was not young but indeed old enough to be Sukanyā's grandfather and was also very irritable, Sukanyā, the beautiful young daughter of a king, submitted herself to her old husband and tried to please him in all respects. Thus she was a faithful and chaste wife. 

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Replies

  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna to all Prabhujis,

    PAMHO.

    I am sorry, I dont think any of you are understanding my point.

    When we are preaching, we have to do so with responsibility. Do you think an ideal example of marraige is Cyavana Muni and Sukanya mata? Or do you think it is Kardama Muni and Devahuti or Lord Rama and Sita or Siva and Sati/ Parvati? My point is - both Devahuti and Sita had to undergo penances and austerities and be docile and polite to win their husbands hearts.

    Even today (atleast in India), a family runs because of the sacrifice of the woman. A woman will make sacrifices in today's world only out of love. My point is - when we all know that so many marriages are breaking all around us, whether of karmis or of devotees, when why not preach giving examples where both man and wife can learn ideals from the same example.

    Honestly speaking, I have never heard the example of Cyavana Muni and Sukanya from any woman preacher. It means that whether women read this bit or imbibed it or not, men have definitely read it and imbibed the qualities of Cyavana Muni. 

    Again I am saying, my point is - to make a marraige work, both husband and wife should be trained and should make efforts. Why always so much gyaan is being bombarded on women - that too tolerate, tolerate, tolerate. Do you know that devotees also beat up their wife, start liasons or have eye on another man's wife? All this is happening - very sad, but true.

    My note of dissent remains on this type of preaching. We are preaching with good intentions, but we have to see how the receiver is taking it.

    Only HG Mahatma Prabhu gives articles where he tells husbands also to behave. He has made mistakes in his own marraige, was chastised by Srila Prabhupada (as mentioned in his articles) and now does a lot of devotee couple counselling. We are beginners in preaching - why is he preaching like this unless he has experience that a marraige works when both make efforts.

    Haribol,

    YOur servant,

    Rashmi

    • Hare Krishna

      Dear Rashmi Mataji,

      I just read all the post you made on this topic. You have said only 100% correct statements Rashmi ji. Please do not make any apology on this. Your reaction and answer was CORRECT. I was myself stunned on the advices of the main post. I preferred to ignore it as I prefer to ignore these kind of opinions rather than to discuss these, then I saw your post and saw you just wrote what I was thinking. 

      A marriages works only when both husband and wife both gives their contributions. An ideal marriage is one in which couple live harmoniously respecting each other keeping the Lord the central point of their lives.

  • Hare Krsna
    It is indeed a sensitive discussion since even Srimad Bhagavatam speaks about the degeneration of the system of marriage in Kali Yuga.
    We need to do some soul searching before venturing out to answer such questions.
    Brajsunderdas Prabhu has made a good start. He has rightly quoted from scriptures, this is how you can conquer the heart of a husband. Although to let yourself be conquered by a woman is detrimental to spiritual perfection as stressed in the same scriptures. It is a start.
    Perhaps Matajis can similarly post after soul searching how is it possible for the husband to conquer the heart of the wife?
  • E-Counselor

    I am sorry - by the time I came to editing this text, the time was up.

    My intention was not come out so strongly on you, but to request everyone in general that we should be responsible while preaching. While we think we are doing the right thing by quoting scriptures and purports by Srila Prabhupada on the scriptures, we have to understand that the same scriptures are being read by men and women. We cannot encourage men to get the wrong message of how to be husband.

    Its not about man dominating or woman dominating - its about giving the correct advise to people trying to get married or trying to keep a marraige. It is the responsibility of both man and woman to make a marraige work, and for that they both have to behave responsibly.

    Pls dont take me otherwise. I dont know about you, but I keep hearing about great unhappiness in devotee marraiges for various reasons and am trying to help. My practical experience is that I can at best counsel the wife, when the major fault is the husband's and he needs counselling a lot more. We should not create more such uncaring and not understanding husbands by giving examples of Cyavana Muni. Women will not take to being Sukanya, but men will consider it their right to become Cyavana. That is my fear.

    Haribol. 

    • Dear Rashmi  mataji,

      dandvata pranam.  

      I am married since 7 years. Unfortunately i am also helping many grihasthas. Though grihastha life is not always a sweet experience for most of the devotees. I am very happy to receive your words & concern for the devotees. There are somethings which i have personally experienced & some which i have learned from the lifes of others while interacting with them on personal level. Many a times the husband has a dominating nature & it become difficult for the wives to manage their husband. The mood of presenting the above verse is only  to help some matajis to change their way of dealing with their husbands how ever irritating it may be. 


      As mentioned in the purport: "it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be. In this case we clearly see that although Cyavana Muni was not young but indeed old enough to be Sukanyā's grandfather and was also very irritable, Sukanyā, the beautiful young daughter of a king, submitted herself to her old husband and tried to please him in all respects. Thus she was a faithful and chaste wife.".

      It is important that husband & wife both understand each other & live in harmony but their are many such aspects in their life that they dont agree with each other. And none of them back off & it creates panic in their grihastha life. And the matajis are the one who suffers a lot. Because ven amongst the devotees the ratio of Divorce is increasing. So my request is only that the matajis can get all their work done from their husbands but they only need to change their way of dealing with their husband. If they are sweet & submissive & deal in a very humble way. The sincere devotee husband will go crazy with the sweet words, serving attitude & the tolerance shown by the wife.  This will help her to get all what is needed from the husband. How one deal in the given situation really matters.

      Thank you very much.

      As a service to the Vaishnava community, I compile articles from Srimad Bhagavatam on regular basis and also post quotes from the books of various acharyas which can encourage devotees in their Krishna Consciousness. They are all available at below links:

      Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/brajsunderdas.
      Twitter id: https://twitter.com/Brajsunder_das .

       
      Your servant & well wisher

      Brajsunder das

      Brajasundara Dāsa
      Brajasundara Dāsa, Mathura, Uttar Pradesh. 70K likes. Travels across the world presenting seminars on Srimad Bhagavatam. Vice Chairman: ISKCON Bhagav…
      • hare krishna 

        Brajsunder prabhu

        your reply is 100 % correct and i completely agree with you in all of your posts..As you had correctly noted , we shud follow what acahryas had said...like jagad guru srila prabhupada... had given...unfortunately many people are misunderstanding the instructions....

  • E-Counselor

    Haribol,

    You are obviously not married.

    No married man in his right senses would post this in today's age and times. I know you will immediately jump and say this is the purport by HDG Srila Prabhupada. That is for taht age - how many girls do you know who would marry a man their grandfather's age and put up with his irritability? Would you give your daughter / sister to such a man and still give her this piece of wisdom?

    I want to ask one question to everybody - why is it that to make a marraige work is the sole responsibility of the wife. The husband has every right to develop the attributes of Chyavana muni, but wife has to be like Sukanya - why this mentality!!! Isnt that the reason for so many divorces among devotee couples who initially got together to help each other in spiritual life. Why not give the example of Kardama Muni and Devahuti - he also a rishi and she also a princess.

    There are a series of blogs on this by HG Mahatma Prabhu in dandvats.com and in this website also. Please read them.

    I would also like to ask you one more question - where did Cyavana Muni land up finally - in Goloka Vrindavan? This is to all men - behaving like Cyavana Muni comes with a statutory warning - you will not become a good devotee.

    Why not give people practical advise on how to make a marraige work such that both can live peacefully and help each other's progress in spiritual life rathar than give insipid, irrelevant examples in the name of preaching.

    Sorry for my language - I just feel that we are getting the entire marraige thing completely wrong in ISKCON. Because of these examples only, men behave like kings (pigs if your ask me), demand dowry at the time of marraige and then mis behave with wife after marraige, all in the name of scriptures.

    If you have to preach, please preach couples how to keep Krsna in the centre of their relationship and how to weather any storms which are bound to happen in any couple's life.

    Hare Krsna.

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