sukanyā cyavanaḿ prāpya
patiḿ parama-kopanam
prīṇayām āsa citta-jñā
apramattānuvṛttibhiḥ
TRANSLATION: Cyavana Muni was very irritable, but since Sukanyā had gotten him as her husband, she dealt with him carefully, according to his mood. Knowing his mind, she performed service to him without being bewildered.
PURPORT: This is an indication of the relationship between husband and wife. A great personality like Cyavana Muni has the temperament of always wanting to be in a superior position. Such a person cannot submit to anyone. Therefore, Cyavana Muni had an irritable temperament. His wife, Sukanyā, could understand his attitude, and under the circumstances she treated him accordingly. If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a woman.
Even in the dealings of Lord Kṛṣṇa with His different queens, it has been seen that although the queens were the daughters of great kings, they placed themselves before Lord Kṛṣṇa as His maidservants. However great a woman may be, she must place herself before her husband in this way; that is to say, she must be ready to carry out her husband's orders and please him in all circumstances. Then her life will be successful. When the wife becomes as irritable as the husband, their life at home is sure to be disturbed or ultimately completely broken. In the modern day, the wife is never submissive, and therefore home life is broken even by slight incidents. Either the wife or the husband may take advantage of the divorce laws.
According to the Vedic law, however, there is no such thing as divorce laws, and a woman must be trained to be submissive to the will of her husband. Westerners contend that this is a slave mentality for the wife, but factually it is not; it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be. In this case we clearly see that although Cyavana Muni was not young but indeed old enough to be Sukanyā's grandfather and was also very irritable, Sukanyā, the beautiful young daughter of a king, submitted herself to her old husband and tried to please him in all respects. Thus she was a faithful and chaste wife.
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Replies
Dear Ratikala devi dasi, Hare Krishna, dandavat pranams.
I am very happy to hear your sweet words that give encouragement to all the devotees.
This subject matter is very important and needs serious study and sincere application.
Both husband and wife are to work together peacefully so the children will be strong physically, emotionally and spiritually.
That is the fruit of family life to produce children who will be of great benefit to the world.
And then the children of such children will be even more strong.
Great souls, pure devotees who can change this world.
That is our hope that all you young devotees will hear this Srimad Bhagvatam with great faith.
Have full faith that if you chant Hare Krishna and follow it as it is without twisting it you will get the greatest happiness in this life and the next.
That may mean becoming very humble and submissive to husband and the husband must become very humble and submissive also.
And both work under the direction of gurudev and shastra.
Because the wife is devotee husband must offer obeisances to the wife and serve her.
Also the children are devotees so I must also serve them and give them proper respect.
They are not my servants, they belong to Krishna and i am just a caretaker of Krishna's property.
They are for Krishna's enjoyment not my enjoyment.
But I still must act as there guide and sometimes discipline them if needed for there benefit.
Seeing Krishna is in their hearts I offer them affection because Krishna is there.
So this family life can be transcendental and full of bliss and knowledge when Krishna is the center and you keep Srimad Bhagavatam and Gurudev as teacher and guide.
Hare Krishna.
Hare Krishna
Dear Jagadatma Das ji,
It was a great pleasure to read your so-correct and simple but very valuable opinions. We all have so much to understand and learn from this.
Both examples of Kardama and Cyvana are about the good qualities of a chaste and submissive wife and how by humbleness and sweetness their husbands were so pleased to fulfil their wives every need.
Cyavana regained his youth and was as beautiful as the ashvini kumaras and was no longer an irritable old man.
The points Srila Prabhupada are making in the purports Brajsunder Das has quoted are very relevant to our modern era.
Because of modern education and propaganda there is this women's liberation idea which is against the real interests of women.
Women have become so Independent that in uk where I presently stay 50% of the women have no husbands.
The family unit is almost destroyed.
This is not the fault of the women .
So we should take lessons from Srimad Bhagavatam on how to live a peaceful family life chant Hare Krishna and go back home back to Godhead.
Hare Krishna.
namaskaram
pranama's jagadatma das Ji
yours is a very nice reply ,
growing up in the west I have seen and had to live through this illusion that independance means happiness , woman blames man and man blames woman for their unhappiness , but in truth their unhapiness comes from their excessive desires , man and woman are well suited to work together , to assist eachother , to care for and protect one another and to support each other towards true liberation , you are correct to say that it is not the fault of women nor is it the fault of the man , but it is the illusion of maya .
if we are to work well together it means rationalising our excessive material desires and expectations and extending tollerence toward one another this is the true path of happiness in wich man and wife can share the sucesses and the sorrows of material life and strengthen each other to make steps towards spiritual advancement as it is spiritual advancement that brings the truest of happinesses .
Jai sri Krsna
hare krsna ratikala mataji,
PAMHO... i completely agree with you...i tried to convince one good mataji...in this regard....but she never agrees...to be frank...in my personal life also...i felt the truth of srila prabhupada's statements regarding women...my wife also was surprised in the beginning...even me and my wife had quarelled many many times severely..but still as we made krishna the centre of our lives...i prayed to krishna that she can become humble...now whenever i become very angry ( sometimes) she carefully understands my mood and respects me a lot...in the beginning she was very arrogant...but later on she won my heart several times...she expresses herself very nicely with me and humbly keeps quiet..when i was angry...this attitude had won my heart and we both serve krishna deities properly in our house...i tried to convince my sister ( who is a good mataji and woships krishna, preaches krsna consciousness)...but i failed...because she misunderstood me ...even my sister thinks that my wife stopped expressing herself without knowing the actual situation...but i tried to convince her that my wife is very humble and submissive..thereby she wins my heart everytime very nicely...now we are blessed with a son just 6 days back....please kindly pray for my sister mataji...
yours servant
das
Hare Krsna to all Prabhujis,
PAMHO.
I am sorry, I dont think any of you are understanding my point.
When we are preaching, we have to do so with responsibility. Do you think an ideal example of marraige is Cyavana Muni and Sukanya mata? Or do you think it is Kardama Muni and Devahuti or Lord Rama and Sita or Siva and Sati/ Parvati? My point is - both Devahuti and Sita had to undergo penances and austerities and be docile and polite to win their husbands hearts.
Even today (atleast in India), a family runs because of the sacrifice of the woman. A woman will make sacrifices in today's world only out of love. My point is - when we all know that so many marriages are breaking all around us, whether of karmis or of devotees, when why not preach giving examples where both man and wife can learn ideals from the same example.
Honestly speaking, I have never heard the example of Cyavana Muni and Sukanya from any woman preacher. It means that whether women read this bit or imbibed it or not, men have definitely read it and imbibed the qualities of Cyavana Muni.
Again I am saying, my point is - to make a marraige work, both husband and wife should be trained and should make efforts. Why always so much gyaan is being bombarded on women - that too tolerate, tolerate, tolerate. Do you know that devotees also beat up their wife, start liasons or have eye on another man's wife? All this is happening - very sad, but true.
My note of dissent remains on this type of preaching. We are preaching with good intentions, but we have to see how the receiver is taking it.
Only HG Mahatma Prabhu gives articles where he tells husbands also to behave. He has made mistakes in his own marraige, was chastised by Srila Prabhupada (as mentioned in his articles) and now does a lot of devotee couple counselling. We are beginners in preaching - why is he preaching like this unless he has experience that a marraige works when both make efforts.
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Rashmi
Hare Krishna
Dear Rashmi Mataji,
I just read all the post you made on this topic. You have said only 100% correct statements Rashmi ji. Please do not make any apology on this. Your reaction and answer was CORRECT. I was myself stunned on the advices of the main post. I preferred to ignore it as I prefer to ignore these kind of opinions rather than to discuss these, then I saw your post and saw you just wrote what I was thinking.
A marriages works only when both husband and wife both gives their contributions. An ideal marriage is one in which couple live harmoniously respecting each other keeping the Lord the central point of their lives.
I am sorry - by the time I came to editing this text, the time was up.
My intention was not come out so strongly on you, but to request everyone in general that we should be responsible while preaching. While we think we are doing the right thing by quoting scriptures and purports by Srila Prabhupada on the scriptures, we have to understand that the same scriptures are being read by men and women. We cannot encourage men to get the wrong message of how to be husband.
Its not about man dominating or woman dominating - its about giving the correct advise to people trying to get married or trying to keep a marraige. It is the responsibility of both man and woman to make a marraige work, and for that they both have to behave responsibly.
Pls dont take me otherwise. I dont know about you, but I keep hearing about great unhappiness in devotee marraiges for various reasons and am trying to help. My practical experience is that I can at best counsel the wife, when the major fault is the husband's and he needs counselling a lot more. We should not create more such uncaring and not understanding husbands by giving examples of Cyavana Muni. Women will not take to being Sukanya, but men will consider it their right to become Cyavana. That is my fear.
Haribol.
Dear Rashmi mataji,
dandvata pranam.
I am married since 7 years. Unfortunately i am also helping many grihasthas. Though grihastha life is not always a sweet experience for most of the devotees. I am very happy to receive your words & concern for the devotees. There are somethings which i have personally experienced & some which i have learned from the lifes of others while interacting with them on personal level. Many a times the husband has a dominating nature & it become difficult for the wives to manage their husband. The mood of presenting the above verse is only to help some matajis to change their way of dealing with their husbands how ever irritating it may be.
As mentioned in the purport: "it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be. In this case we clearly see that although Cyavana Muni was not young but indeed old enough to be Sukanyā's grandfather and was also very irritable, Sukanyā, the beautiful young daughter of a king, submitted herself to her old husband and tried to please him in all respects. Thus she was a faithful and chaste wife.".
It is important that husband & wife both understand each other & live in harmony but their are many such aspects in their life that they dont agree with each other. And none of them back off & it creates panic in their grihastha life. And the matajis are the one who suffers a lot. Because ven amongst the devotees the ratio of Divorce is increasing. So my request is only that the matajis can get all their work done from their husbands but they only need to change their way of dealing with their husband. If they are sweet & submissive & deal in a very humble way. The sincere devotee husband will go crazy with the sweet words, serving attitude & the tolerance shown by the wife. This will help her to get all what is needed from the husband. How one deal in the given situation really matters.
Thank you very much.
As a service to the Vaishnava community, I compile articles from Srimad Bhagavatam on regular basis and also post quotes from the books of various acharyas which can encourage devotees in their Krishna Consciousness. They are all available at below links:
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/brajsunderdas.
Twitter id: https://twitter.com/Brajsunder_das .
Your servant & well wisher
Brajsunder das
hare krishna
Brajsunder prabhu
your reply is 100 % correct and i completely agree with you in all of your posts..As you had correctly noted , we shud follow what acahryas had said...like jagad guru srila prabhupada... had given...unfortunately many people are misunderstanding the instructions....
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