So, the situation my friend is facing is, he either has to choose between his parents or his girlfriend (who is pregnant right now). There is no chance for his parents to accept the girl. Is there any similar situation that is in gita? Which would be the righteous path to choose? Any help is highly appreciated.

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  • E-Counselor

    Hare KRsna Prabhuji,


    YOur question has already been answered by other devotees. When I read your post, I was reminded of the purport of Srila Prabhupada's Bhagavad Gita As It Is - Ch 18 verse 37. 

    “vishayendriya-sanyogad yat tad agre mritopamam
    pariname visham iva tat sukham rajasam smritam”


    “Happiness is said to be in the mode of passion when it is derived from the contact of the senses with their objects. Such happiness is like nectar at first but poison at the end.”

    Scriptures do not permit illicit sex, nor does it permit ignoring aged parents. 

    What your friend has to do has already been explained by Gayatri mataji - own the child, marry the girl friend. Try to mend fences with parents and take care of them. 


    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

  • Hare Krishna,

    In olden times people never faced that situation because they respected parent's decision and hiding from parents enjoying with gf ( without marraige) making babies is not done. It is a big mistake as per Sanatana dharma.  After marriage planning for kids is regular norm. If your friend did this bad karma of sexual gratification with gf and making her pregnant. He must be prepared to face its consquences also. 

    Aborting the fetus is just like killing a person. So it is more henious and sinful karma. He must at any cost avoid aborting the child. 

    These days woman are also so careful when enjoying sex they take precautions why did they take this step itself if they didn't even want to go ahead with marriage?? If they wanted only causal sex they should have taken precautions so many ways are there to avoid this situation.

    Surely Lust was so much strong in both of them that they behaved like animals forgetting all norms and consequences of what is going to happen.  One paap already comitted by these people..If they abort the fetus they would add ( MAHA PAATAK Paap) Major sin.  Sin of killing unborn child ( is called Bruna hatya) . Bruna hatya is not so easy to cleanse in one life time. 

    ONLY way left is to persuade the parents and marry the girl. Or If the parents say no to this. Then the guy needs to stand by the girl whom he enjoyed with and give her shelter and name to the baby. He must pay for the sin committed and make it legally accepted by society.

    Because Parents are always Parents they will someday come back to their child. Only few days or max. 1 yr. parents can live away from their son. At start the parents may fight they may say go away from our home. But one day soon they will come back to their son and accept the bride as their daughter in law and also accept their grandson. It just a matter of time and transformation of heart of elders will happen with time. But RIGTH NOW your friend should stand by the girl and make the relation acceptable by the society and give the baby a father's name. It is must to correct this sinful karma which your friend did in haste!  Otherwise many more sins he will add.

    Hare Krishna.

  • Sevak

    Hare Krsna 

     Is there any similar situation that is in gita? 


    Which would be the righteous path to choose? 

    To not make girlfriend pregnant without knowledge of parents. But that is a moot point now. It seems that a considerable distance has been traversed exactly in the opposite direction of the righteous path. 

    Irreversible damage has occured. There are no good choices left, but the worst would be kill baby in womb.

    Please remember that  Ajamila was born in a pious brahamana family. He betrayed his chaste wife, respectable parents and elected to have sexual affair with a prostitute. Despite his oldage he was sexually active with the prostitute. Ultimately at time of his death, he was saved by the holy name of Narayana 

    This is the ultimate shelter for us sinful people in Kali yuga. 

    harer nāma harer nāma
    harer nāmaiva kevalam
    kalau nāsty eva nāsty eva
    nāsty eva gatir anyathā

    In this age of quarrel and hypocrisy, the only means of deliverance is the chanting of the holy names of the Lord, the chanting of the holy names of the Lord, the chanting of the holy names of the Lord . There is no other way. There is no other way. There is no other way. ( CC Madhya 6.242)

    Hare Krsna

    • Thanks for the reply. From my pov, right now killing baby isn't an option. if he chooses his parents and does not marry her, wouldn't the child and mother be left alone, The child would be raised fatherless, wouldn't that be adharma? Isn't raising a child higher purpose rather than giving importance to parents or taking no stand?

      If he does choose to marry her, his parents would banish him from his family.





      • Sevak

        Hare Krsna 

        Right now killing baby isn't an option.

        Thank you

        The child would be raised fatherless, wouldn't that be adharma?

        At this point there are no dharmic options letft. Ghastly adharmic activities have already been performed. So what is remaining to choose is the way in which the person accepts his bad karmic reactions. If he chooses to leave the pregnant woman, then the bad karma will haunt him in the form of the child and the woman. If he chooses to leave parents then the same bad karma will haunt him in the form of parents' curses. Both are extremely dangerous. 

        We sometimes get clouded between various options while making decisions and make wrong decisions despite making right selection. Let's say I am deciding to choose a car, I have plenty of things to consider - Which type, engine capacity, seating capacity, boot space, transmission type, company, model, etc etc etc. but none of these things are as important as what the car will be used for or what the destination is. When there is clear focus on destination/purpose, then the means cannot create confusion. 

        Lord Sri Krsna mentions this in Bhagavad Gita 

        vyavasāyātmikā buddhir
        ekeha kuru-nandana
        bahu-śākhā hy anantāś ca
        buddhayo ’vyavasāyinām

        Those who are on this path (bhakti) are resolute in purpose, and their aim is one. O beloved child of the Kurus, the intelligence of those who are irresolute is many-branched. ( BG 2.41)

        vyavasāyātmikā buddhiḥ
        samādhau na vidhīyate

        In the minds of those who are too attached to sense enjoyment and material opulence, and who are bewildered by such things, the resolute determination for devotional service to the Supreme Lord does not take place. ( BG 2.44)

        Which is why the only real option is to take shleter of the holy names. Will this person take to devotion or not ? That is the only real decision he needs to make. Whether he is with parents or with the pregnant woman, his life will be very miserable. Actually all of their lives will be miserable. The boy, his girl friend, the unborn child, the parents of the boy and girl, future wife, future children etc. 

        While it may seem that there could be a way to minimize the damage and misery, it is a big illusion. Karma will haunt. Which is why Lord Sri Krsna has recited this extremely important and hopeful shloka 

        sarva-dharmān parityajya
        mām ekaṁ śaraṇaṁ vraja
        ahaṁ tvāṁ sarva-pāpebhyo
        mokṣayiṣyāmi mā śucaḥ

        Abandon all varieties of dharma and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear. ( BG 18.66)

        Please very carefully styud the above shloka. Lord Sri Krsna told Arjuna to abandon all dharma and surrender unto Sri Krsna. And Krsna promises to deliver us from ALL SINFUL REACTIONS. DO NOT FEAR

        The best and direct way to surrender to Sri Krsna in this age of Kali is to chant the holy names of Sri Krsna. 

        While the above may not have helped you in answering if the boy should choose parents or pregnant girlfriend, it is like the car selection decision. First choose the destination and purpose. Then the means.

        If destination is Sri Krsna then we should surrender to Him and He will do the needful. It will be painful no doubt, but Krsna will be there with us and for us.

        If the destination is not Sri Krsna then irrespective of what the boy chooses - it is misery.

        Hare Krsna

        • Is this what you meant for "Sri Krishna as destination"?, achieving self realization through renunciation? 

          if, he could help more people by doing good deeds when he chooses to marry and raise the baby. Can he choose to marry her?


          • Sevak

            Hare Krsna 

            Is this what you meant for "Sri Krishna as destination"?, achieving self realization through renunciation? 

            No, Sri Krisha as destination means to practice Krsna consciousness or bhakti - Sambandha, Abhideya and Prayojana 

            Sambandha is knowledge that we all have a unique and permamnent relationship with Sri Krsna at a spiritual platform.

            Abhideya is the practice of devotional service to revive our relationship with Sri Krsna. 

            He could help more people by doing good deeds when he chooses to marry and raise the baby. Can he choose to marry her?

            He can choose to marry irrespective of anything. That is his personal choice. Doing good to others, will happen when he knows who he is, what he is. A person who can't help himself, how or how much can he help others ? if he is looking for reason to marry her, justify it and think that he is going to help others, it is well and good. But he needs to see THE REALITY.

            Hare Krsna

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