Your honest statement tells me that you are a real devotee of Krishna. How many of us have ever cried for Him out of spiritual emotion? Please don't feel bad for what happened inside your mind. All conditioned souls sometimes derailed because of the influence of the modes of material nature. What we need to do is just to come back to the path of Krishna consciousness. When we drive a car, it may lean towards another lane or may enter into another lane by mistake which can cause an accident. To avoid such an accident we just have to bring our car back to the right (appropriate) lane and continue drive carefully. Since you are back to the right path, you will certainly get blessing of Krishna and make progress towards our real home, back to Godhead. In this regard, I would like to remind you what Lord Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita (9.30):
api cet su-duracarobhajate mam ananya-bhak sadhur eva sa mantavyahsamyag vyavasito hi sah
Even if one commits the most abominable actions, if he is engaged in devotional service, he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated.
He quickly becomes righteous and attains lasting peace. O son of Kunti, declare it boldly that My devotee never perishes.
Dear Mario Prabhu, I hope and pray that you feel better and continue the devotional service you have been doing out of your devotional love for Krishna. Please remember that Krishna always remains within us as the Super soul even when we forget Him. Think how merciful He is!
jyotisam api taj jyotistamasah param ucyate jnanam jneyam jnana-gamyamhrdi sarvasya visthitam (S.B. 13.18)
He is the source of light in all luminous objects. He is beyond the darkness of matter and is unmanifested. He is knowledge, He is the object of knowledge, and He is the goal of knowledge. He is situated in everyone's heart.
If by 'going back' you mean going back home back to GodHead, then in order to reach Goloka Vrindavan the topmost planet in the spiritual creation then you MUST be a Gaudiya Vaishnava. Because in Kaliyuga without the mercy of Guru and Lord Gauranga and Lord Nityananda it is impossible to reach Krsnaloka, as confirmed in many Gaudiya scriptures. Other sampradayas may take us upto Vaikuntha or maybe higher planets but definitely not to Goloka Vrindavan.
If by 'going back' you mean you want to again start practicing Bhakti, then you most certainly can. In scriptures we can see the example of Ajamila who went back to practicing Bhakti when he realized the benefit of chanting the Holy Name of Lord Narayana just once. Please don't feel discouraged, just like its okay for small children fall while they are still learning how to walk Krsna forgives devotees who feel repentance for their misdeeds in the past.
Seems like you want experiencial religion. Experiencing other religions is not bad by any means. General rule of thumb is to stick to one and take it to the end. Why wouldn't you be able to go back? God loves you and your inquisitive mind.
Replies
Hare Krsna!
Just chant Hare Krsna Mahamantra & leave all other aside. It will show you the path.
Hare Krishna Mario Prabhu!
Your honest statement tells me that you are a real devotee of Krishna. How many of us have ever cried for Him out of spiritual emotion? Please don't feel bad for what happened inside your mind. All conditioned souls sometimes derailed because of the influence of the modes of material nature. What we need to do is just to come back to the path of Krishna consciousness. When we drive a car, it may lean towards another lane or may enter into another lane by mistake which can cause an accident. To avoid such an accident we just have to bring our car back to the right (appropriate) lane and continue drive carefully. Since you are back to the right path, you will certainly get blessing of Krishna and make progress towards our real home, back to Godhead. In this regard, I would like to remind you what Lord Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita (9.30):
api cet su-duracaro bhajate mam ananya-bhak
sadhur eva sa mantavyah samyag vyavasito hi sah
Even if one commits the most abominable actions, if he is engaged in devotional service, he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated.
In next verse Krishna confirms his blessing:
ksipram bhavati dharmatma sasvac-chantim nigacchati
kaunteya pratijanihi na me bhaktah pranasyati (B.G. 9.31)
He quickly becomes righteous and attains lasting peace. O son of Kunti, declare it boldly that My devotee never perishes.
Dear Mario Prabhu, I hope and pray that you feel better and continue the devotional service you have been doing out of your devotional love for Krishna. Please remember that Krishna always remains within us as the Super soul even when we forget Him. Think how merciful He is!
jyotisam api taj jyotis tamasah param ucyate
jnanam jneyam jnana-gamyam hrdi sarvasya visthitam (S.B. 13.18)
He is the source of light in all luminous objects. He is beyond the darkness of matter and is unmanifested. He is knowledge, He is the object of knowledge, and He is the goal of knowledge. He is situated in everyone's heart.
With good wishes,
Your servant,
Amal
Hare Krsna Prabhu,
If by 'going back' you mean going back home back to GodHead, then in order to reach Goloka Vrindavan the topmost planet in the spiritual creation then you MUST be a Gaudiya Vaishnava. Because in Kaliyuga without the mercy of Guru and Lord Gauranga and Lord Nityananda it is impossible to reach Krsnaloka, as confirmed in many Gaudiya scriptures. Other sampradayas may take us upto Vaikuntha or maybe higher planets but definitely not to Goloka Vrindavan.
If by 'going back' you mean you want to again start practicing Bhakti, then you most certainly can. In scriptures we can see the example of Ajamila who went back to practicing Bhakti when he realized the benefit of chanting the Holy Name of Lord Narayana just once. Please don't feel discouraged, just like its okay for small children fall while they are still learning how to walk Krsna forgives devotees who feel repentance for their misdeeds in the past.
I hope this helps
YHS
HariBol!