Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

Can wife change a husband? Can she help him so that even if he is little bit less intelligent become the opposite? (and as we know less intelligence means attachment to the body which means trying to enjoy through it, but intelligence means to yearn for spiritual taste as like a bird chakora yearns for the rain water only).

What are the steps? 

And is there any example of this from the past?

Hope very much to get very needed answers from each of You!

Thank You!

Your servant, bhaktin maral

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      • Volunteer

        Dear Mataji Maral,

        Please accept my humble obeisances.

        All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

        I would say, husband needs to do at least some duties of husband. There may be some emergency when they both need work for some time. Or maybe it happens that the wife is more qualified professionally and can earn more, then maybe they can make the agreement that husband takes care of children? Because babysitters and daycares and kindergardens are not so cheap, are they?? And the emotional interaction of the family, which is one of the most important aspects of family life gets greatly reduced if both parents work.

        But if the wife has to do everything then what would she need the husband for? Then her husband is more like another kid to her! If the men are irresponsible, then women intelligently ask that what they need the men for and create a feminist movement. Because it is true that better be alone that with a foolish, irresponsible man. But women are not happy alone because they need that interaction. So men also have to do their part...

        Your humble servant,

        Madhavi-lata d.d.

      • Hare Krishna Madhavi-lata devi dasi

        "So if the wife is not on the level of Mirabai or somebody like that, better try to maintain family."

        As per your above statement, does that mean while trying to maintain a materialistic family , while you(wife) being a little spiritual person, will that prevent us from fall down (even if we are in a materialistic environment).

        It's being clearly stated/mentioned everywhere , that a bad association will hamper your Bhakti/KC. So in case of a Krishna devotee wife and a materialistic husband this statement(bad association) doesn't apply.

        Please clarify and advise.

        Hare Krishna

        • Volunteer

          Dear Alka Mataji,

          Please accept my humble obeisances.

          All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

          We should honestly see how much is our own material need for a family. If we are highly surrendered and leave family, then there will not be a problem. But otherwise we will just look for another family and create disturbance in society... But if we recognize that we ourselves have some need for it and thus try to serve our family for the purpose of gradually purifying our attachment, then we will advance. But it is important to separate by intelligence our spiritual life and sadhana from our emotional needs in the family.

          Even if husband is materialistic, if he is doing at least some duties of the husband, he is representing Krishna in that way. If he is protecting and maintaining the wife, that can be appreciated. And again, we should try to separate our emotional needs from our spiritual life. We only take the association as much as required, and try to have devotee association in some other way.

          I left my parent family to join temple. Before I had very nice relationships and protection in my family, but when I was attracted to Krishna consciousness, my family was completely unable to appreciate it. For some time I tried to practice at home, but it was a big frustration that I could not share with them the most important thing of my life. So I decided to join temple in spite of my parents' objections. So in temple I had a more conducive environment for Krishna consciousness, but that protection I had at home was not there. I did make spiritual advancement and was able to remain in the temple for several years. But eventually I encountered big problems due to that insufficient protection and was suffering greatly for some time until I was peacefully settled with my husband. So the problem was not that I tried to serve Krishna, but that I still had some material needs and prematurely left an environment that was required for me. So we should really think carefully before making such radical decisions. Krishna's service will never go in vain, but due to our attachements we may suffer and make offenses to Krishna and devotees if we do not choose a proper environment for our practice!

          I hope this is of some use to you, sorry if useless.. 

          Your humble servant,

          Madhavi-lata d.d.

  • Please accept my humble obeisances.

    A wife cannot change her husband, only Krishna can change. The most anyone can do is to beg Krishna for mercy. Such thoughts can only change (increase) false pride.

    And what can Krishna change?  He can do much more than anyone can ever conceive.


    • Volunteer

      please accept my humble obeisances Prabhuji,

      It is for sure, true. But in order to assist Krishna we also need to do something, isn't it?!

      If that was like that then we would not paste this question here and always pray, pray and pray. 

      Maybe sometimes Krishna wants us to use our intelligence also. 

      As like one man was in one island and prayed to Krishna to save him brining to another shore. After some time a ship cam and people on the ship called him to join them. But he refused saying that Krishna will save me. In this way 4-5 times. And at least he died out of hunger and thirst. After death he asked Krishna why it happened so. God told that He sent to him all those ships but he ignored them...

      Your servant, 

  • Volunteer

    Another Article From Same Place may this also helps ..

    The great devotional classic, the Srimad Bhagavatam (5.11.4), compares the mind to a wild uncontrolled animal. Srila Prabhupada uses this analogy in the context of a circus. Just as ferocious animals can be controlled by training, so can the mind.

    Interestingly, in this kind of inner training, we are in a sense both the trainer and the trainee. Objectively, we are eternal transcendental souls who are covered by the gross body and the subtle body. The subtle body includes the mind and the intelligence. The mind is the subtle inner entity that usually prods us towards short-term pleasures, whereas the intelligence is the subtle inner entity that normally guides us towards our long-term interests. Extending the mind-animal analogy, we can say that the intelligence is like the trainer. As we identify ourselves sometimes with the intelligence and sometimes with the mind, we are in that subjective sense both the trainer and the trainee.

    Significantly, the intelligence is not the sole trainer of the mind. Our spiritual master is the chief trainer and is assisted by our other spiritual teachers who are like assistant trainers. And all these trainers are the representatives of Krishna, who is the universal spiritual master, the ultimate trainer. Krishna, through all these trainers and through his message in the scriptures, gives us the broad action plan for training the wild mind. To the extent our intelligence understands, accepts and applies this guidance, to that extent it can train the mind effectively. Because on a practical, moment-to-moment basis, it is the intelligence that has to deal with the mind, so it is the hands-on trainer. The Bhagavad-gita points to such a trainer role of the intelligence when it recommends (03.43) that we use our intelligence to control the mind and situate ourselves on the spiritual platform.

    If we are to thus train the mind with the intelligence, we must align ourselves with the intelligence, not with the mind. For this, we need to be convinced about the foundational truth that we are not our mind, that its impulses and cravings are not our true desires. We don’t have to accept this truth on faith alone. All of us can think of many occasions when something within us pushed us to act against our best interests. Gita wisdom enables us to identify this mysterious malevolent force: the animal-like mind.

    With this background philosophical understanding, let’s now look at the two steps for training the mind: restraining and relearning.

    Restraining: Animals are usually trained through controlling their food quota. They are placed in cages that prevent them from acquiring food in their normal predatory ways. The mind’s food is, in a sense, pleasure. So the mind’s training involves controlling its pleasure quota. The mind is placed in the metaphorical cage of the four regulative principles, no meat-eating, no gambling, no intoxication and no illicit sex. This cage prevents the mind from seeking material pleasures in immoral ways. The Bhagavad-gita (06.26) recommends such restraint of the mind by urging us bring the mind under control whenever and wherever it wanders due to its unsteady nature.

    We need to beware of a danger in this restraining stage. When an animal is starved, it demands food by growling more and more ferociously. A perceptive trainer knows that though the roars of the animal may be becoming louder, it is actually becoming weaker. Knowing this, the trainer doesn’t stop the restraining due to the animal’s threats.

    Similarly, when we don’t give the mind immoral material enjoyment, it demands that enjoyment more and more fiercely. If we are regularly empowering our intelligence by studying Krishna’s words, that is, if the hands-on trainer is seeking guidance from the master-trainer, then our perceptive intelligence will be able to see through the threats of the mind. It won’t be cowered into believing that the enjoying mentality is too strong to be restrained and so won’t give in to the mind. Instead, knowing that though the mind may be shouting louder, it is becoming weaker, the intelligence will patiently continue the restraining process.

    Relearning: When the caged animals cooperate with the training, they are provided food. Over time, this training leads to such dramatic relearning that instead of pouncing on human beings, the animals learn to perform for the pleasure of human beings. Of course, this relearning doesn’t happen overnight; it requires planning, patience and perseverance on the part of the trainer.

    Similarly, within the cage of scripturally-recommended regulation, we train the mind to engage in the activities of devotional service and thereby focus on Krishna. As Krishna is the reservoir of supreme spiritual happiness, connecting with him internally through our thoughts and externally through our services enables us to relish higher happiness. Thus when the mind cooperates with the devotional training, it gets its food of pleasure in the form of spiritual fulfillment. Over time, this training leads to such a dramatic relearning that instead of wanting to grab worldly objects for getting material enjoyment, the mind starts desiring to use them for serving Krishna and thereby attaining devotional enrichment. Of course, this relearning doesn’t happen overnight; it requires planning, patience and perseverance on the part of the intelligence.

    There’s a caveat in this relearning stage too. If we merely go through the motions of devotional activities without striving to connect with Krishna, then we don’t experience any substantial spiritual happiness. At such times too, the mind becomes like an animal maddened by starvation and starts howling for material enjoyment because it mistakenly equates enjoyment with material enjoyment. Again, if our intelligence is attuned with Krishna’s wisdom, then it will arrive at the right solution. It won’t give in to the mind’s demands for material enjoyment, for doing that will only undo the relearning of the mind. Instead, it will encourage us to increase our remembrance of Krishna while doing our devotional activities, for that will take ahead the relearning of the mind. How will this promote the relearning? Through the conscious intensification of our Krishna consciousness and the resulting experience of spiritual happiness, the mind will learn that spiritual happiness is real and accessible if one just goes deep in one’s relationship with Krishna.

    There is a heartening difference between the training of animals and the training of the mind. For the animals, to be deprived of their forest habitat and to be made to perform in a circus is unnatural. But for us as spiritual beings, to seek material enjoyment is unnatural, even if it seems natural due to the past habits of the mind. As souls who are eternally parts of Krishna, to delight in his devotional service is natural for us; in fact, that is our eternal spiritual nature.

    That’s why we need to persevere in training the mind in spite of its objections. During the course of the training, the mind learns through experience that spiritual happiness is far more pacifying and gratifying than material enjoyment. As this lesson sinks in, the mind starts cooperating with the training. Thereafter, we return to our spiritual nature of seeking happiness only and fully in loving Krishna.

    Thus, by the twofold training involving restraining the default tendency to seek material enjoyment and by relearning the dormant nature to seek spiritual fulfillment, we can control the mind.

  • Volunteer

    A Article By Chaitanya Charan Prabhu ,

    Must Read .. I hope it helps in some way , it inspired me ,hope it inspires you .

    Question: When we strive to live according to principles, why do we often fail? What can we do to avoid such failures?


    When we strive to lead a principle-centered life, our heart becomes the arena for a fierce war between our spiritual principles and our materialistic impulses. The result of this war depends not just on our past conditionings or present conditions but also primarily on the side we take.

    We may say that we obviously side with our principles and want them to win, but honest introspection often reveals a different story. We are still quite fond of our impulses and we still hope that indulging in them might just give us pleasure that we don’t want to miss. That’s why, though in public we live according to principles, in private we frequently give in to our impulses. When we re-emerge in public, we hide all telltale signs of our lapse and continue our principle-centered act.

    The Bhagavad-gita (03.06) warns us that if we lead this kind of double life, we are not just cheating the world (mithyacharah) but are also cheating ourselves (vimudhatma).

    How are we cheating ourselves ?

    Because we are fighting for our enemy instead of against it and so are wounding ourselves grievously and unnecessarily. Our short-sighted materialistic impulses are our enemies; they not only deprive us of eternal spiritual happiness but also sentence us to miserable material existence life after life. Each time we let those impulses win over our principles, we voluntarily let the enemy wound us. And each time we cover up the lapse, we conceal the wounds that need urgent treatment. This concealment causes the wounds to worsen, thereby making us even more vulnerable to future attacks and further wounds. Thus by helping our impulses in winning the inner war in effect we fight for our enemy instead of against it.

    If we seriously want to lead a principle-centered life, we need to firmly stop fighting for our impulses and consistently start fighting against them. This doesn’t mean that we publically display our wounds, but that we do whatever is necessary to treat the present wounds and prevent future wounds. This curative and preventive program necessarily centers on intensifying our strength-enhancing devotional practices and possibly includes consulting a competent spiritual doctor, a trustworthy devotee-guide. Often the mortification involved in confessing to someone whom we love and respect is the impetus that we need to stop siding with our impulses. Sometimes when the wounds are not too serious, just contemplating unflinchingly on that mortification may also serve the same purpose. Whatever be the specific program that we adopt, we need to ensure that we fully commit ourselves to fighting for our principles.

    When we thus offer our heart to our principles, our head will naturally follow and we will thereby get many more ideas for winning in various specific inner battles. All these victories in the daily battles will contribute to our eventual triumph in the lifelong war when we remember Krishna at the time of death. Then we will go forever beyond the malevolent reach of all materialistic impulses and be fully free to delight in a life of selfless and endless love.

    Thus, by understanding clearly how our impulses are our enemies whose side we need to abandon and by planning intelligently to do all that is necessary to fix ourselves on the side of our principles, we can succeed in leading a principle-centered life.

  • Volunteer

    Hare Krishna ,

    Place where Man and Women co-exist , intelligence to enjoy each other

    is at very huge height , intelligence makes very good plans and executes them to enjoy

    on material platform i.e sense gratification .

    As Srila Prabhupada says marriage is not license to have sex .

    If after marriage anyone feels that let me enjoy in night , and worship in morning ,

    then he is not a devotee ,he is cheater of himself and of those who trusted that person .

    Sometimes i wonder how can we stand in front of Radha Krishna in morning ,

    when enjoyed having sex or other sense pleasure in night or at any other time .

    The sense want to act independently ,but if someone follows senses then he is go-das not goswami

    If i was married i would have cried literally and asked to krishna for help ,

    and this could have been possible only when i was sincere ,but i know i am the biggest insincere person .

    So if i act like devotee ,but in back i do sense gratification than i is very sad .

    I would like to add a purport of SP from BG 6.13,14

    One has to practice controlling the mind and avoiding all kinds of sense gratification, of which sex life is the chief. In the rules of celibacy written by the great sage Yājñavalkya it is said:

    karmaṇā manasā vācā

    sarvāvasthāsu sarvadā

    sarvatra maithuna-tyāgo

    brahmacaryaḿ pracakṣate

    "The vow of brahmacarya is meant to help one completely abstain from sex indulgence in work, words and mindat all times, under all circumstances, and in all places."

    No one can perform correct yoga practice through sex indulgence.

    Brahmacarya is taught, therefore, from childhood, when one has no knowledge of sex life.

    Children at the age of five are sent to the guru-kula, or the place of the spiritual master, and the master trains the young boys in the strict discipline of becoming brahmacārīs. Without such practice, no one can make advancement in any yoga, whether it be dhyāna, jñāna or bhakti.

    One who, however, follows the rules and regulations of married life, having a sexual relationship only with his wife (and that also under regulation), is also called a brahmacārī.

    Such a restrained householder brahmacārī may be accepted in the bhakti school, but the jñāna and dhyāna schools do not even admit householder brahmacārīs.

    They require complete abstinence without compromise. In the bhakti school, a householder brahmacārī is allowed controlled sex life because the cult of bhakti-yoga is so powerful that one automatically loses sexual attraction, being engaged in the superior service of the Lord.

    In the Bhagavad-gītā (2.59) it is said:

    viṣayā vinivartante

    nirāhārasya dehinaḥ

    rasa-varjaḿ raso 'py asya

    paraḿ dṛṣṭvā nivartate

    Whereas others are forced to restrain themselves from sense gratification, a devotee of the Lord automatically refrains because of superior taste. Other than the devotee, no one has any information of that superior taste.

    If my answer if not to the point please pardon me for everything including offences also .

    I am also in search of this answer , because if unmarried people have problems , than married people will have

    naturally due to association of each other ( Male and Female ) .

    Hari Bol ..

  • Hare Krsna PAMHO AGTSP

    Can wife change a husband? She can certainly deeply influence him. 

    Lord Krsna is the source of all generations, and he is called the most efficient cause of everything. He says, "Because everything is born of me, I am the original source of all. Everything is under me; no one is above me." There is no supreme controller other than Krsna.

    One who understands Krsna in such a way from a bonafide spiritual master, with references from Vedic literature, engages all his energies in Krsna consciousness and becomes a truly learned man.

    In comparison to him, all others, who do not know Krsna properly are but fools. Only a fool would consider Krsna to be an ordinary man. A Krsna conscious person should not be bewildered by fools.

    The ability not only to read many books on different subject matters but to understand them and apply them when necessary is intelligence (medha), another opulence.

    What are the steps?

    The ninefold process of Bhakti begining with hearing and chanting.

    And is there any example of this from the past?

    There could be many but someone can always do something unprecedented (That has never happened before).

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