Failed in Deeksha Interview

Hare Krishna

PAMHO, AGTSP

I was seeking initiation from HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj, but he passed away last year. Now, I seek initiation from HH Bhakti Ashray Vaishnav Swami Maharaj.

I am regularly going to ISKCON Dwarka in Delhi.

I am also doing 16 rounds since last 5 years.

I am also attending Bhagawatam class online every day since last 5 years without fail (well almost). I am also managing the class now, coordinating book reading, hosting, making daily program presentation and weekly inviting speakers.

In the Deeksha process, the ISKCON Dwarka Management introduced below exams: -

1. Shradhavan

2. Krishna Sewak

3. Krishna Sadhak

4. Prabhupad Ashray

5. Gurupad Ashray

The exam process was so lenghy that it took almost 1 and half years to complete.

Now the temple took an interview before recommending me for deeksha, and said that you do online Bhagawatam, Dhritrashtra also did that.

They say you spend atleast one day in temple and serve there.

I do temple services sometimes, but mostly in trips and during festivals such as Janmashtami, we do book distribution, VIP Reception, Crowd Control etc.

Now Temple management is not impressed at all with Bhagawatam and insists to spend time in temple and read more Prabhupad Books.

For deeksha, they say come again after six months.

This has shattered me from within. I am feeling angry at small things. Twice I went to a 'liquor shop' but I realized I don't drink.

My body weight also has increased to 108 KG (height is 5 feet 7).

I feel totally lost and disgusted.

Please guide me and help me.

Hare Krishna,

Hmm.. I may sound harsh to you.. but let me be frank.

"This has shattered me from within. I am feeling angry at small things. Twice I went to a 'liquor shop' but I realized I don't drink.''

Do you think you are ready really ready for initiation?

One who is reading Bhagawatam daily since 4-5 yrs... who still has not got any control on anger and one who whenever gets disgusted... with life runs to liquor shop.. ( well..the vasana is supressed) you could stop from drinking.. but you went to liquor shop.. that means you still have that urge to go whenever disgusted or angered.

If I am angry or disgusted in life.. I run to Lord's feet and hold those feet and cry to Lord.. I don't run to liquor shop. If I am frustrated and nothing is going as per my plan... I take that as Plan of KRISHNA. I tell Krishna.. I sincerely worked for it. Please see that I get accepted Lord. Then I also go to the my aacharya from whom you I want to take diksha from and stand in front of His house and eat nothing.. until he agrees to accept me. I will daily give him a flower and please him and I will also try doing small small services like giving him water and serving even doing smallest seva like lifting the ( pattal) his eaten plate and washing it. and do all sorts of seva and win his heart. This is how I will show that I am das anu dasa and I will also try to impress his shishya as well. Finally one day he will shower mercy that is what is guru bhakti .. aapne woh sab karna chahiye tha!! Guru ki seva sab se important hota hai..

You may have the book 10 times or you may have done other activities..like doing japa 16 rounds etc etc. but then you have no guru bhakti or vaishanava preeti.

Well... after so much of japa daily 16 rounds for the past 5 yrs. you still ran to liqour shop as soon as small negative thing happened to you. That means you are not ready.

I am sounding so harsh na.. sorry .. But why would anyone run to liqour shop which you stopped 5 yrs back.

That means you supressed the liqour habit for obtaining diksha. But kya pata kal ko diskha mil jaaye aur tumhare office mein ya fir koi aur pareshaani aajaye.. tum rules and regulations break kar doge tho? ab liquor shop ke entrance tak gaye.. kya pata.. next time woh control bhi thod denge kanha ji .. Because Krishna is TRICKY. >. He wants to make you perfect He will surely test you time and again.. Tab kya hoga?

If something untoward happens and some disagreement in life or some frustration araise back.. you can run back to liquor shop anytime. Ab toh rok liya.. bas lekin.. just for the sake of diksha.

ek devotee jo hota hai.. woh kisi bhi sankat ya vippatti aate hi..Sri Krishna ke aashray mein hi jaayega.. SIRF SRI KRISHNA KE AASHRAY mein na ki .. ran to liquor shop.

That makes you not ready yet for diksha. THIS WAS TEST GIVEN TO YOU BY SRI KRISHNA ..TO WAIT HAVE PATIENCE. One must develop patience and should control anger and kisi bhi paristhiti mein vichalit na hote hue sirf aur srif Krishna par aadharit rahe.

One time it so happened that :-

One day Raghunatha dasa left home and went to meet Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. “I want to join You,” he told the Lord. But Chaitanya Mahaprabhu replied, “No. Don’t act like a crazy fellow. You should return home and be a good son, an expert businessman, and a proper husband, and then, when the time comes, the Lord Himself will arrange for you to become free from the bondage of family life.”

Lord Chaitanya used the term markata-vairagya. Markata means “monkey,” and vairagya means “renunciation.” Monkeys appear to be very renounced, because they live in the jungle, have no clothes or possessions, and eat only fruits and berries. But each monkey has two dozen girlfriends. Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was instructing Raghunatha dasa, “Don’t be a monkey renunciant, making a show of renunciation when you still have material desires. Return home and act outwardly as an ordinary young man. And inwardly, develop your Krishna consciousness. Be detached internally and perform your external duties.”

So, on Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s order Raghunatha dasa returned home. But within his heart he wanted to join Mahaprabhu. Raghunatha dasa’s parents were very worried that Raghunatha dasa, their only son, might leave home. So they kept guards at the gate to make sure he did not run away. One day Raghunatha dasa got the idea to meet Nityananda Prabhu at Panihati. Once there, being extremely humble, he offered his obeisances from a distance. Lord Nityananda, being very merciful and humorous, said to Raghunatha, “You are just like a thief, staying at a distance. But now that I have captured you, I will punish you. You must make a festival for My associates and Me and feed us all chipped rice, yogurt, bananas, and milk.”

Raghunatha dasa bought all the cida (chipped rice), dadhi (yogurt), dugdha (milk), and fruits and sweets that were available in the market. Preparations were made using chipped rice, yogurt, milk, sugar, and bananas, and there were mangoes, sweets, and other items. Nityananda Prabhu and all the other devotees were very pleased.

When merchants heard about the festival, they came to Panihati to sell their goods. Raghunatha dasa would buy all their dadhi, dugdha, bananas, and other items, make them sit down, and feed them the same items he had just purchased. Soon there were so many people that there was no place to sit. People began to sit on the bank of the Ganges, and when all of the space by the Ganges was occupied, they stood in the water of the Ganges and ate their cida-dadhi. At the end of the festival, Nityananda Prabhu was so pleased with Raghunatha dasa that He gave him a blessing.

---.........itte bad Raghunatha das goswami ji ko Sri Chaitanaya Mahaprabhu ne 2 baar reject kia .. 3rd time he went to Nitaai ... after he got blessing from nitaai... he got the diskha from Sri Chaitanaya Mahaprabhu ji.

Everything has a time.. Maybe your time has not yet come. You may need to learn some more lessons.. Krishna put a halt to that process momentarily!!!

Its okay.. If I were you I will go to that guru maharaj and do his service and win his heart thereby Krishna gets pleased also.

Btw... Krishna is pleased only when we do Vaishnava seva.

Vaishnava ninda will take you far far away from Krishna to the liquor shop door step.

Take care.

There is time for you diksha.. you need to fix some small small errors in you before you become a servant of servant.

Hare Krishna

Replies

Krsna das July 15, 2025 at 2:34pm

Hare krsna prabhu,

Just visit vrindavan, pray to radha rani , speak with devotees in vrindavan and then think of diksha...
- Varun Pant > Krsna das August 10, 2025 at 11:15pm
  
  Thank you Krsna Prabhu, rejection made me humble and the process of shedding my overconfidence to being submissive and humble started.
  
  I was praying regularly to Srila Prabhupad to take me out of the material world, I got a call today from temple and there was a meeting with my Ashray leader, Temple VP: HG Sri Gaur Pr, and temple President HG Pradyumna Priya Pr. My Deeksha got approved. Its all mercy of my Ashray leader HG Amal Krishna Prabhuji
- Varun Pant > Krsna das July 16, 2025 at 7:29pm
  
  Visited this Saturday. Hare Krishna, feeling much more positive now.
Gayatri July 15, 2025 at 11:37am

Hare Krishna,

Hmm.. I may sound harsh to you.. but let me be frank.

"This has shattered me from within. I am feeling angry at small things. Twice I went to a 'liquor shop' but I realized I don't drink.''

Do you think you are ready really ready for initiation?

One who is reading Bhagawatam daily since 4-5 yrs... who still has not got any control on anger and one who whenever gets disgusted... with life runs to liquor shop.. ( well..the vasana is supressed) you could stop from drinking.. but you went to liquor shop.. that means you still have that urge to go whenever disgusted or angered.

If I am angry or disgusted in life.. I run to Lord's feet and hold those feet and cry to Lord.. I don't run to liquor shop. If I am frustrated and nothing is going as per my plan... I take that as Plan of KRISHNA. I tell Krishna.. I sincerely worked for it. Please see that I get accepted Lord. Then I also go to the my aacharya from whom you I want to take diksha from and stand in front of His house and eat nothing.. until he agrees to accept me. I will daily give him a flower and please him and I will also try doing small small services like giving him water and serving even doing smallest seva like lifting the ( pattal) his eaten plate and washing it. and do all sorts of seva and win his heart. This is how I will show that I am das anu dasa and I will also try to impress his shishya as well. Finally one day he will shower mercy that is what is guru bhakti .. aapne woh sab karna chahiye tha!! Guru ki seva sab se important hota hai..

You may have the book 10 times or you may have done other activities..like doing japa 16 rounds etc etc. but then you have no guru bhakti or vaishanava preeti.

Well... after so much of japa daily 16 rounds for the past 5 yrs. you still ran to liqour shop as soon as small negative thing happened to you. That means you are not ready.

I am sounding so harsh na.. sorry .. But why would anyone run to liqour shop which you stopped 5 yrs back.

That means you supressed the liqour habit for obtaining diksha. But kya pata kal ko diskha mil jaaye aur tumhare office mein ya fir koi aur pareshaani aajaye.. tum rules and regulations break kar doge tho? ab liquor shop ke entrance tak gaye.. kya pata.. next time woh control bhi thod denge kanha ji .. Because Krishna is TRICKY. >. He wants to make you perfect He will surely test you time and again.. Tab kya hoga?

If something untoward happens and some disagreement in life or some frustration araise back.. you can run back to liquor shop anytime. Ab toh rok liya.. bas lekin.. just for the sake of diksha.

ek devotee jo hota hai.. woh kisi bhi sankat ya vippatti aate hi..Sri Krishna ke aashray mein hi jaayega.. SIRF SRI KRISHNA KE AASHRAY mein na ki .. ran to liquor shop.

That makes you not ready yet for diksha. THIS WAS TEST GIVEN TO YOU BY SRI KRISHNA ..TO WAIT HAVE PATIENCE. One must develop patience and should control anger and kisi bhi paristhiti mein vichalit na hote hue sirf aur srif Krishna par aadharit rahe.

One time it so happened that :-

One day Raghunatha dasa left home and went to meet Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. “I want to join You,” he told the Lord. But Chaitanya Mahaprabhu replied, “No. Don’t act like a crazy fellow. You should return home and be a good son, an expert businessman, and a proper husband, and then, when the time comes, the Lord Himself will arrange for you to become free from the bondage of family life.”

Lord Chaitanya used the term markata-vairagya. Markata means “monkey,” and vairagya means “renunciation.” Monkeys appear to be very renounced, because they live in the jungle, have no clothes or possessions, and eat only fruits and berries. But each monkey has two dozen girlfriends. Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was instructing Raghunatha dasa, “Don’t be a monkey renunciant, making a show of renunciation when you still have material desires. Return home and act outwardly as an ordinary young man. And inwardly, develop your Krishna consciousness. Be detached internally and perform your external duties.”

So, on Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s order Raghunatha dasa returned home. But within his heart he wanted to join Mahaprabhu. Raghunatha dasa’s parents were very worried that Raghunatha dasa, their only son, might leave home. So they kept guards at the gate to make sure he did not run away. One day Raghunatha dasa got the idea to meet Nityananda Prabhu at Panihati. Once there, being extremely humble, he offered his obeisances from a distance. Lord Nityananda, being very merciful and humorous, said to Raghunatha, “You are just like a thief, staying at a distance. But now that I have captured you, I will punish you. You must make a festival for My associates and Me and feed us all chipped rice, yogurt, bananas, and milk.”

Raghunatha dasa bought all the cida (chipped rice), dadhi (yogurt), dugdha (milk), and fruits and sweets that were available in the market. Preparations were made using chipped rice, yogurt, milk, sugar, and bananas, and there were mangoes, sweets, and other items. Nityananda Prabhu and all the other devotees were very pleased.

When merchants heard about the festival, they came to Panihati to sell their goods. Raghunatha dasa would buy all their dadhi, dugdha, bananas, and other items, make them sit down, and feed them the same items he had just purchased. Soon there were so many people that there was no place to sit. People began to sit on the bank of the Ganges, and when all of the space by the Ganges was occupied, they stood in the water of the Ganges and ate their cida-dadhi. At the end of the festival, Nityananda Prabhu was so pleased with Raghunatha dasa that He gave him a blessing.

---.........itte bad Raghunatha das goswami ji ko Sri Chaitanaya Mahaprabhu ne 2 baar reject kia .. 3rd time he went to Nitaai ... after he got blessing from nitaai... he got the diskha from Sri Chaitanaya Mahaprabhu ji.

Everything has a time.. Maybe your time has not yet come. You may need to learn some more lessons.. Krishna put a halt to that process momentarily!!!

Its okay.. If I were you I will go to that guru maharaj and do his service and win his heart thereby Krishna gets pleased also.

Btw... Krishna is pleased only when we do Vaishnava seva.

Vaishnava ninda will take you far far away from Krishna to the liquor shop door step.

Take care.

There is time for you diksha.. you need to fix some small small errors in you before you become a servant of servant.

Hare Krishna
- Varun Pant > Gayatri August 10, 2025 at 11:16pm
  
  Thank you Gayatri Mataji, rejection made me humble and the process of shedding my overconfidence to being submissive and humble started.
  
  I was praying regularly to Srila Prabhupad to take me out of the material world, I got a call today from temple and there was a meeting with my Ashray leader, Temple VP: HG Sri Gaur Pr, and temple President HG Pradyumna Priya Pr. My Deeksha got approved. Its all mercy of my Ashray leader HG Amal Krishna Prabhuji
- Varun Pant > Gayatri July 17, 2025 at 5:29pm
  
  Thank you Gayatri Mataji for your response. Yes, I am like that, but the holy name is more powerful.
  
  I may take more births but i wont give up.
  - Gayatri > Varun Pant July 17, 2025 at 9:28pm
    
    Good job. Keep going. Don't lose hope. Where there is a will there is a way.

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