Hare Krishna
I am a student pursuing 3rd year of Engineering. By Krishna and all His Devotees mercy I have been blessed to have received the divine knowledge. I keep listening to lecturers of many Gurus on Youtube. It's been five years since all these started. Things which I thought were never meant for me such as visiting famous Krishna temples and change in my behaviour from being a dumb person to trying to become Krishna Devotee are all happening in my life. I have understood that this human life is extremely rare and it is a sacred chance to go back to godhead.
However, I keep deviating from this path often. I have few doubts and questions bothering me from many days. I humbly request any Devotee to please bless me with their mecry by answering and clearing my doubts.
- Because I am not following bakti seriously, I get scared that after I'll lose this body, I'll not get any Devotees association and the knowledge that I have received now. I'll fall prey to maya and once again enter the cycle of Birth, Disease, Old age and Death for millions of lifetimes. There will not be any Devotee to guide me.
- I listen to the lecturers of my Guru because of which I have changed a lot. But I feel that I have not worked on myself enough(as 5 yrs of this journey is a long time. I should have uplifted my character a lot by now). Because of this I feel I have cheated my Guru and all other Devotees. Many a times I have broken the promise that I have made to them. I read somewhere that 'Even if Devotees forgive, Krishna will not forgive those who have hurt his Devotees'. I fear that Krishna no longer loves and trusts me. I will never be able to get His blessings. Is this true that Krishna will never accept me with love and trust again despite cheating His Devotees?
- I often repeat my mistakes knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly. I even expect for the fruits of my works. Yesterday I had my sem exam. I promised Krishna that I will dedicate this exam for His Devotees. But when I realised that I will no be able to score good marks, I felt sad and even questioned Krishna that why it happened to me. Aftersomtime, I felt disappointed that I have been selfish and didn't really work for the sake of His Devotees. At times, dirty thoughts too attack me. I try not act upon it but sometimes I give in to it. What should I do?
- I have got goals in life to achieve all for the sake of Krishna but I'm not working towards it. Because of all such flaws in me, I feel that I'm the greatest sinner ever. There is no way Krishna will forgive me. I'm trying to over come my flaws, but these thoughts keep haunting me. This also makes me to not chant Krishna's name because I feel that I'm unqualified. Am I still a Krishna Devotee?
I understand that mistakes do happen and this is a constant learning process. There will be flaws when I'm practicing Krishna Conscious. But I see that I'm being more lazy, attacked by lustful thoughts, scared by the thougths that I'll never succeed in this journey much more than before. Am I still a Krishna Devotee? I only want to live a successful Krishna Conscious life. Live and work for the sake of Krishna and His Devotees.
Please help me to overcome all this and bless me in my journey.
Replies
Hare Krishna,
Mata ji.. all I want to say is yes you are a devotee of Krishna eternally. With this body you are doing sinful activities.. But your soul is actually pure and it always belongs to Krishna. There is no doubt about it. Original swaroopa of the soul is not know because of the maya which is covering and making you not able to see it.
Overcoming lust is the biggest challenge it is not easy to deal with it
great sages like Vishwamitra and Jaimini have fallen prey to it.
What are we.
Committing sinful deeds is a way to rectify it..is another thing
We maybe faulty but we should take baby steps when we are trying to improvise ourselves.
day 1 itself no one can become perfected.
one step at a time.
Like bring in changes to ur daily routine.
Sleep time should be regulated.
Keeping urself busy at all times.
Stop using too much of social media
Stop watching movies which are making you too much involved into lusty things.
talk to people who are devotees
Make good devotee friends who inspire you to be in bhakt all the time leave all those friends who are into material enjoyiment.
cut down all those foods like onion, garlic, coffee tea, non veg ( if you have) or eggs ( if are eating)
whenever you feel lusty leave that place and go out for a walk or talk to devoteee.
chanting when you have lusty desires usually helps.
last but not the least is whatever desires you are having make it spiritual desires.
Offer everything at the feet of Krishna be it any desire...He will solve it in due course of time.
Turn every material thing into Krishna's service.
Don't see Krishna conscionsciousness are a ritualistic activity
Be conscious of Krishna at all time even when you are feeling lusty is the change needed. Krishna please solve it. I am unable to do it myself. Bring Krishna into picture when your are lonely.
If you have some company.. be with them.. don't be idle.ABCD should be included as a daily activity
Association, Books, Chanting and deitary restrictions
plus..preaching if possible try to answer to the questions here and keep busy.
I do this activity here so that I keep opening books and reading and replying.. It makes me keep me busy busy . when I have excess time in hand
hare krishna
Thank you so much Mataji. I'll try my best and at the same time, I'll depend on Krishna for help.
Hare Krishna
Hare Krsna
Am I still a Krishna Devotee?
This is not a good question to ask. Great devotees who are devotees of Sri Krsna, never think they are devotees of Sri Krsna. Those who go about declaring or proving they are devotees of Sri Krsna, are often not.
I'll never succeed in this journey much more than before. I only want to live a successful Krishna Conscious life.
You are looking at Krsna consciousness an achievement rather than a purificatory process. You are looking at Sri Krsna as a judge.
Better to see Sri Krsna as the one who actually inspires us and purifies us. We have to depend on Sri Krsna to overcome all our flaws. We depend on Sri Krsna by serving Sri Krsna and Serving Hare Krsna Mahamantra.
daivī hy eṣā guṇa-mayī
mama māyā duratyayā
mām eva ye prapadyante
māyām etāṁ taranti te
This divine energy of Mine, consisting of the three modes of material nature, is difficult to overcome. But those who have surrendered unto Me can easily cross beyond it.(BG 7.14)
We have to practice depending on Sri Krsna's names to remove our shortcomings. We have to take shelterof the sound vibration of Sri Krsna
Hare Krsna
Thank you for the valuable insights prabhuji
Hare Krishna
Hare Krsna Mataji
The answer is yes. You are still a Krishna devotee. Some tests we pass easily but it is where we fail that we really need to learn something. That is alright, nothing to get anxious about, you will not loose bhakti.
Hari Bol
Thank You
Hare Krsna Prabhuji