Hare krishna to all devoteesAll glories to Srila PrabhupadPlease accept my humble obeisancesIts been almost 2years now that I became a devotee of krishna. Just two month before I joined Iskcon youth forum(Juhu). Im regularly attending Sunday fest but from fews days i'm noticing that my mom started getting disturbed because of my devotion. I'm 20years old and I'm a dropout student, So that's y my mom so worried about me and my career, due to motherly affection towards me, last Sunday I had quarrel with her because she was taunting me for going to iskcon, she said to me if this much focus i would have give to studies than i wont be a dropout student anymore. I got little angry at this and told her Do not stop me from going to iskcon. The knowledge I getting from devotees is far best than this so called material educational books, which can't makes a student life peacefull but only entangle him in nescience. And what to say about nowadays competition among students to become a topper?.My some relatives also started taunting me that what's wrong with me, why I getting so much into iskconJust few days before my aunty ask me that I don't feel ashame by seeing many of my relatives started taunting me?I said I'm not going to iskcon for any material benefits or I'm not thinking like if I worship the Supreme personality of Godhead, than he reward me with material opulence. I'm just trying to be a devotee of lord through mercy of his pure devotees, I'm just goin there to provide my devotional service.She couldn't question me back.I want to ask one thing why nowaday's parents became so much concerned about kid's career instead of makin their kids spiritually developed from their young age. I think mostly parent says this, that how much struggle or inconvinences they had or seen in their life. they don't want their childrens to be suffer from the same situation that they've been through in their past.Well, obviously its nice thoughts but doesn't it make a kid more materialistic. In case in the future if that kid bears failure in his life than he will directly blames his parent for that, because of expectations and pressure from them.It happens in India, Indians still prefer to have joint family instead of nuclear family like western countries. So later Parents don't get good treatment from their kids in old age.So is it ryt decisions of parent to ignore their kids spiritual development,???? surely not.So now I'm trying to contemplate what should I Do?My mom said to me, she want me to get settled down in life(materially) and she said its not my age to practice Krishna consciousness now at this age. thus I joined some typing courses. because I don't want any hindrance in my devotion.But I fear if later when i will started working, than I won't be able to think about krishna, because I would be spending more time there. I really fear of this, its not because I fear to work.So please guide me how to convince my mom that Krishna is my ultimate goal of life.Srila Prabhupad said a true vaishnav will take pain to himself but he will never hurt others.So please tell me what should I Do?But I want to give my more and more time to develop my krishna consciousness. becuz I'm the most fallen soul.hare krishna
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You can see the inner scripture right here. What would krishna tell Aruna to do with his prescribed duties? Whatever they may be. Where does your heart want to lead u? It is not about negating material life. U can do your duties and still of krishna. So that is not your concern. Do what will make toy happy in the long run. Go where u think you will find peace. Remember time had us all. And what stability is ever assured to us. Is there any guaranteed per menace in money or economy or material things? Go forth to that which you believe will give you per meant happiness. Time has us all so do not fear that you will take the wrong route. Follow heart not mind. Your mom will not be able to decide this for you.
Just. Know how consciousness works. It is only when you notice the ways of the path that you even notice the ways that limit your progress. It is actually just normal part of your changing perception. At each point u seemingly reach you'll notice more deficiencies...All perceived of course. As you are already truly divine.
Hare krishna mataji
Pls accept my humble obeisances
thnk u very much,
nw i understand it at greater extend.
nxt year i will study to clear my drop, and hopeless by mercy lord i will clear it this tym,
if i again fail to do it, even though i try it again,
As u said sum devotees forced to left full time duty of temple for their survival, then why they took full time duty? exactly like this my questions is,
There are compulsions that any one may have to face in life. It is very common that full time devotees join ISKCON as brahmachari, therefore no need for any material education, then by the time they reach 35-40, they realise or guru suggests that they should enter grihasta ashram, then get married to a devotee girl thinking little money is ok, after all devotion is what both want. When they actually enter grihasta ashram, then they realise that reality is something different. Then the moment they go the family way, there is no way they can sustain in what the temple is giving. Then what to do? They have to go out and earn. Nobody can predict the future prabhu.
To create its easy, to destroy its easy, but to maintain is most difficult part, indeed the most difficult part, that's y my main focus is to maintain my devotion, this my first priority, second priority will be my survival in material world, as u guided me I try handle it simultaneously. i have habit of observing things, i have face the reality may be or may be not, in this case which reality is greater, Material or spiritual reality?
Why are you differentiating between the two? The trick is to keep Krsna in the centre of all activities and all relationships. Once you understand how to do that, the rest falls in place. By all means, be steady in devotional activities, chant your rounds diligently everyday, do mangalarti, read atleast an hour every day, eat only prasadam. Still you can do normal prescribed duty everyday.
Regarding handling competition - if you read Gita regularly and understand that there should be no hankering and no lamenting and can apply that to your life , the competition factor doesnt enter your life at all. Whatever you are doing is a duty to Krsna, where is the competition. Regarding competition in studies, you study as a duty to Krsna, give your exams properly and leave the results to Krsna. If you get good marks, it is the mercy of the lord. If you get bad marks, that is also the mercy of the lord. Then there is no competition in your mind. If your focus is Krsna, will you look at your peer group to see that this friend got an offer of Rs. 2 lakhs, therefore he is a failure and another got an offer of Rs. 10 lakhs, therefore success. You will see it as a service to Krsna, whatever He thinks fit, you will get. You will neither hanker after 10 lakhs nor lament over 2 lakhs.
I am sure I am not able to make you understand. You have to do it yourself, the realisation has to come from within. One thing you remember, whatever money has to come your way, it will come. Not a penny more, or less. You have to work for it of course. Work for it as duty to Krsna, thats all.
It is true that to preach in the material world, one's qualification in terms of degree or position in society counts. People respect leaders in society since time immemorial. If you are one of the leaders, it is much easier to preach. Otherwise, yuor devotion better be so great that looking at you, people only remember Krsna, not that you have not even completed graduation. Eg - HH Radhanath Maharaj. He didnt complete his college also, but he gives lectures in British Parliament, HSBC Bank headquarters. You be that level prabhu.
In the spiritual world, it doesnt matter to Krsna whether you are educated at all or not. Remember Radharani and the gopis were uneducated village belles, but they are considered highest devotees of the lord.
Pls dislike not only the education system, the whole material world. That is good if you dislike the material world and are not attached to it. Develop attachment for Krsna and His abode, that is good. But as long as you are in the material world, you have to do your PRESCRIBED DUTY.
Dont look for reasons to not do. I am not asking you to run behind a 1 cr house, or car, or wife or whatever. You do your duty and let Krsna guide your life. Right now, you are taking all decisions and justifying them.
It is important to complete your education at all costs. Pls do that for starters.
hare Krishna mataji
Pamho
yeah that's a fact 2 ppl will prefer will listen educated person, so that's y i didnt abt to left my studies, and i will do it, bt this requirements for materialists person ryt?
but wat abt a devotee's point of view, for devotees it doesn't matter ryt, if one is expert in the science of Krishna than devotee will listen to him ryt, even if that person dont have degree?
bt lord Krishna wants pure devotion more than anything, ryt?
honestly i really dislike indian educational system, i dnt have much knowledge abt western countries system
and i dont think material education helpful in development of KC
bt v dnt have any option too, :D :D
thnx a lot for guiding mataji
hare Krishna mataji
pls accept my humble obeisances
thnk u very much for guiding me, i really straight forward answers.
Well, my drop is nothing to do with iskcon, i think u gave answers by that point of view, As I said from few days my mom is disturbed becuz of my devotion, May be she thinks I will take sanyaasa or sum thing, And its not permanent dropout, just temporary drop until I clear my A.T.K.T
I'm also pretty much concern abt my prescribed karmas, and I will do even if its troublesome.
"Anyone who gives up prescribed duties as troublesome or out of discomfort is said to have renounced in the mode of passion. Such action never leads to the elevation of renunciation."(BG.18.8)
So m keeping this verse in my mind when i feel like to avoid karma. im nt an ignorant.
As u said sum devotees forced to left full time duty of temple for their survival, then why they took full time duty? exactly like this my questions is,
To create its easy, to destroy its easy, but to maintain is most difficult part, indeed the most difficult part, that's y my main focus is to maintain my devotion, this my first priority, second priority will be my survival in material world, as u guided me I try handle it simultaneously.
i have habit of observing things, i have face the reality may be or may be not, in this case which reality is greater, Material or spiritual reality?
i wud lyk to tell u sumthing abt competition in educational system of india, may be u have idea abt it.
Pls mataji dnt find me offending, at ur tym competition was not so much, bt currently competition among education has crossed its limits, for eg, nowadays everyone want to pursue engineering or M.B.A, likewise if u notice it in campus interviews company provides two types of salary packages, 2lacs and sum companies also provide more than 10lacs packages, so actually engineer is that who got high salary packages, those who got 2lac packages how could v consider him as engineer, just becuz he have tag on him as engineer, in the form of degree? this is what competition is, and this is serious problems, and what to tell abt suicides statistics among youth? lets suppose one have high salary, bt nowadays its not a cake walk to buy house in Mumbai which crossing amt of 1cr probably. these is also serious quest if v consider it.
these reality makes me perturbed, I don't know if m only observing it or others too.
So mataji pls tell me how to handle these situations
and basically m nt obsessed abt my car, my wife , my life, my demands and desires.
m nt giving excuses bt m looking for instructions abt how overcome this tendency of competitions
U r a senior and learned devotee that's y u can handle ur prescribed duty and ur devotion, so pls enlighten abt this also, how u handle it.
Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Many times in our life we have to be careful of what others are saying to us. Be them non Devotees.
It maybe Krishna is using those people to tell us something.
So we have to be respectful to everyone and be attentive.
Of course i was not a drop out from school. It would be a big shame for my parents. What to speak of my Supreme Parent Krishna. Simple school with simple subjects and to drop that out...it is not so nice.
After my school i did not want to achieve more in education but my mother forced me that i take up the exam and study, get degree.
I had to agree be it was very painful. But as a result i shifted to a city where there was a Temple and many more Devotees. So there i saw Krishna's hand: 'yes, He used my mother to force me to come to study in this city and be in the association of Devotee.'
So that was wonderful.
So Krishna may use even simple people to tell us something. Since we cannot hear the voice of Paramatma He has to use such like ways.
So please what Your parents are saying is nice for Your future only Prabhu.
Money we need even in devotional life. What if i have a PhD degree and i will do 3-4 hours teaching job in a cool room and get lacs of Ruppees and other hours use for preaching, Kirtans, yatras...?
Rather than working whole day long for maximum 10 thousand per month with my school drop out certificate?
Which is better?
If i am a PhD then whatever i speak people will consider it and accept it easily. But who will hear a person who could not even study well at school?
So please, Bhakti is not leaving things in material life, but acting even more eagerly and honestly but FOR THE PLEASURE OF KRISHNA. Not for sense gratification.
In this way we glorify Krishna. He will be proud when He sees His Devotee becoming famous, well educated, ...
@ Rashmi Mataji
WOW! I greatly appreciate your reply, I don’t know how much it will help Siddhesh Prabhu ji but you really opened my eyes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Since when you became 'drop out student'? Your family had no problems with you dropping out of studies as long as you were not involved in ISKCON? Or is it that you dropped out of studies out of influence of ISKCON 2 years ago?
See, from the point of view of parents - it is very natural that they will be concerned that the child (esp son) is able to stand on his own feet and sustain himself financially. I cannot find fault with that concern. Being interested in Krsna is fine, how does that stop you from doing your prescribed duties? Have you stopped eating, sleeping, talking, associating with people simply because you are interested in Krsna Consciousness? I am sure the ans is no. You may have regulated these activities to align with KC activities, as in eating only prasadam, associating only with devotees, but still youare doing everything na.
It is a very harsh fact of life - money is BIG in anyone's life. To be fair to your parents and extended family, they are trying to guide you to be able to be financially independent, there is absolutely nothing wrong in that. There are so many IIT students and PHDs in ISKCON, does that mean that they are any less spiritually, simply because they have got a degree materially that makes people of the world look upto them? I will encourage you to get a proper degree and not just get into some typing course. How much will typing help you feed yourself, your family, pay for house rent, conveyence, medical and other incidental expenses that are bound to happen in anyone's life.
The reason parents are unable to guide their children onto the spiritual path is because they themselves do not know the path. Most people in the world are materialistic and have not figured out the purpose of life. If they themselves dont know, how can they show you that way. Since you know the purpose of life, it is your duty to show them the path. The way to do this is to be more obedient, more caring, more responsible. Get into a proper degree course and do your devotion side by side. That is the best way to preach to them. When they see the change in you, not only will they be reassured that you are on the right path materially, they will also understand that you are on the right path spiritually and start following your path. Wont that be wonderful? Dont you think that is the best service you can render to Krsna.
Just to tell you - I am aware of devotees who are forced to leave full time temple duties and get into some kind of job or business to sustain themselves and their families simply because the temple is not paying them enough and their family is growing, therefore financial needs are growing.
Be practical prabhu. Dont get carried away by the so called romanticism of spirituality. Once reality hits you, it may be too late. Spirituality is a way of life, working does not mean that one cannot think of Krsna anymore.
I am a Chartered Accountant. I started my ISKCON journey before I started the CA course and chanted throughout my studies and am today a General Manager in a reputed corporate. I am working, am married - therefore doing all the cooking myself and taking care of full family responsibilities, I am also doing little seva in the temple on weekends and festivals and am also doing my bhakti. I am not trying to brag - i am telling you everything to let you know it is possible. Krsna consciousness is a way of life we choose, for taht we dont need to sit in one corner and think of Krsna. The lord Himself says - whatever you do, whatever you eat, ...do that as an offering to Me, keeping Me in the centre. Do that prabhu. Dont get into externals, internalise your bhakti and DO YOUR PRESCRIBED DUTY AT ALL COSTS.
Replies
pls accept my humble obeisances
I didn't get it, can u pls elaborate it little bit
Pls accept my humble obeisances
thnk u very much,
nw i understand it at greater extend.
nxt year i will study to clear my drop, and hopeless by mercy lord i will clear it this tym,
if i again fail to do it, even though i try it again,
Hare krishna, thnk u so much again
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
As u said sum devotees forced to left full time duty of temple for their survival, then why they took full time duty? exactly like this my questions is,
There are compulsions that any one may have to face in life. It is very common that full time devotees join ISKCON as brahmachari, therefore no need for any material education, then by the time they reach 35-40, they realise or guru suggests that they should enter grihasta ashram, then get married to a devotee girl thinking little money is ok, after all devotion is what both want. When they actually enter grihasta ashram, then they realise that reality is something different. Then the moment they go the family way, there is no way they can sustain in what the temple is giving. Then what to do? They have to go out and earn. Nobody can predict the future prabhu.
To create its easy, to destroy its easy, but to maintain is most difficult part, indeed the most difficult part, that's y my main focus is to maintain my devotion, this my first priority, second priority will be my survival in material world, as u guided me I try handle it simultaneously.
i have habit of observing things, i have face the reality may be or may be not, in this case which reality is greater, Material or spiritual reality?
Why are you differentiating between the two? The trick is to keep Krsna in the centre of all activities and all relationships. Once you understand how to do that, the rest falls in place. By all means, be steady in devotional activities, chant your rounds diligently everyday, do mangalarti, read atleast an hour every day, eat only prasadam. Still you can do normal prescribed duty everyday.
Regarding handling competition - if you read Gita regularly and understand that there should be no hankering and no lamenting and can apply that to your life , the competition factor doesnt enter your life at all. Whatever you are doing is a duty to Krsna, where is the competition. Regarding competition in studies, you study as a duty to Krsna, give your exams properly and leave the results to Krsna. If you get good marks, it is the mercy of the lord. If you get bad marks, that is also the mercy of the lord. Then there is no competition in your mind. If your focus is Krsna, will you look at your peer group to see that this friend got an offer of Rs. 2 lakhs, therefore he is a failure and another got an offer of Rs. 10 lakhs, therefore success. You will see it as a service to Krsna, whatever He thinks fit, you will get. You will neither hanker after 10 lakhs nor lament over 2 lakhs.
I am sure I am not able to make you understand. You have to do it yourself, the realisation has to come from within. One thing you remember, whatever money has to come your way, it will come. Not a penny more, or less. You have to work for it of course. Work for it as duty to Krsna, thats all.
It is true that to preach in the material world, one's qualification in terms of degree or position in society counts. People respect leaders in society since time immemorial. If you are one of the leaders, it is much easier to preach. Otherwise, yuor devotion better be so great that looking at you, people only remember Krsna, not that you have not even completed graduation. Eg - HH Radhanath Maharaj. He didnt complete his college also, but he gives lectures in British Parliament, HSBC Bank headquarters. You be that level prabhu.
In the spiritual world, it doesnt matter to Krsna whether you are educated at all or not. Remember Radharani and the gopis were uneducated village belles, but they are considered highest devotees of the lord.
Pls dislike not only the education system, the whole material world. That is good if you dislike the material world and are not attached to it. Develop attachment for Krsna and His abode, that is good. But as long as you are in the material world, you have to do your PRESCRIBED DUTY.
Dont look for reasons to not do. I am not asking you to run behind a 1 cr house, or car, or wife or whatever. You do your duty and let Krsna guide your life. Right now, you are taking all decisions and justifying them.
It is important to complete your education at all costs. Pls do that for starters.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi
Pamho
yeah that's a fact 2 ppl will prefer will listen educated person, so that's y i didnt abt to left my studies, and i will do it, bt this requirements for materialists person ryt?
but wat abt a devotee's point of view, for devotees it doesn't matter ryt, if one is expert in the science of Krishna than devotee will listen to him ryt, even if that person dont have degree?
bt lord Krishna wants pure devotion more than anything, ryt?
honestly i really dislike indian educational system, i dnt have much knowledge abt western countries system
and i dont think material education helpful in development of KC
bt v dnt have any option too, :D :D
thnx a lot for guiding mataji
pls accept my humble obeisances
thnk u very much for guiding me, i really straight forward answers.
Well, my drop is nothing to do with iskcon, i think u gave answers by that point of view, As I said from few days my mom is disturbed becuz of my devotion, May be she thinks I will take sanyaasa or sum thing, And its not permanent dropout, just temporary drop until I clear my A.T.K.T
I'm also pretty much concern abt my prescribed karmas, and I will do even if its troublesome.
"Anyone who gives up prescribed duties as troublesome or out of discomfort is said to have renounced in the mode of passion. Such action never leads to the elevation of renunciation."(BG.18.8)
So m keeping this verse in my mind when i feel like to avoid karma. im nt an ignorant.
As u said sum devotees forced to left full time duty of temple for their survival, then why they took full time duty? exactly like this my questions is,
To create its easy, to destroy its easy, but to maintain is most difficult part, indeed the most difficult part, that's y my main focus is to maintain my devotion, this my first priority, second priority will be my survival in material world, as u guided me I try handle it simultaneously.
i have habit of observing things, i have face the reality may be or may be not, in this case which reality is greater, Material or spiritual reality?
i wud lyk to tell u sumthing abt competition in educational system of india, may be u have idea abt it.
Pls mataji dnt find me offending, at ur tym competition was not so much, bt currently competition among education has crossed its limits, for eg, nowadays everyone want to pursue engineering or M.B.A, likewise if u notice it in campus interviews company provides two types of salary packages, 2lacs and sum companies also provide more than 10lacs packages, so actually engineer is that who got high salary packages, those who got 2lac packages how could v consider him as engineer, just becuz he have tag on him as engineer, in the form of degree? this is what competition is, and this is serious problems, and what to tell abt suicides statistics among youth? lets suppose one have high salary, bt nowadays its not a cake walk to buy house in Mumbai which crossing amt of 1cr probably. these is also serious quest if v consider it.
these reality makes me perturbed, I don't know if m only observing it or others too.
So mataji pls tell me how to handle these situations
and basically m nt obsessed abt my car, my wife , my life, my demands and desires.
m nt giving excuses bt m looking for instructions abt how overcome this tendency of competitions
U r a senior and learned devotee that's y u can handle ur prescribed duty and ur devotion, so pls enlighten abt this also, how u handle it.
hare krishna
Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Many times in our life we have to be careful of what others are saying to us. Be them non Devotees.
It maybe Krishna is using those people to tell us something.
So we have to be respectful to everyone and be attentive.
Of course i was not a drop out from school. It would be a big shame for my parents. What to speak of my Supreme Parent Krishna. Simple school with simple subjects and to drop that out...it is not so nice.
After my school i did not want to achieve more in education but my mother forced me that i take up the exam and study, get degree.
I had to agree be it was very painful. But as a result i shifted to a city where there was a Temple and many more Devotees. So there i saw Krishna's hand: 'yes, He used my mother to force me to come to study in this city and be in the association of Devotee.'
So that was wonderful.
So Krishna may use even simple people to tell us something. Since we cannot hear the voice of Paramatma He has to use such like ways.
So please what Your parents are saying is nice for Your future only Prabhu.
Money we need even in devotional life. What if i have a PhD degree and i will do 3-4 hours teaching job in a cool room and get lacs of Ruppees and other hours use for preaching, Kirtans, yatras...?
Rather than working whole day long for maximum 10 thousand per month with my school drop out certificate?
Which is better?
If i am a PhD then whatever i speak people will consider it and accept it easily. But who will hear a person who could not even study well at school?
So please, Bhakti is not leaving things in material life, but acting even more eagerly and honestly but FOR THE PLEASURE OF KRISHNA. Not for sense gratification.
In this way we glorify Krishna. He will be proud when He sees His Devotee becoming famous, well educated, ...
Your servant,
WOW! I greatly appreciate your reply, I don’t know how much it will help Siddhesh Prabhu ji but you really opened my eyes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Harbol
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
Since when you became 'drop out student'? Your family had no problems with you dropping out of studies as long as you were not involved in ISKCON? Or is it that you dropped out of studies out of influence of ISKCON 2 years ago?
See, from the point of view of parents - it is very natural that they will be concerned that the child (esp son) is able to stand on his own feet and sustain himself financially. I cannot find fault with that concern. Being interested in Krsna is fine, how does that stop you from doing your prescribed duties? Have you stopped eating, sleeping, talking, associating with people simply because you are interested in Krsna Consciousness? I am sure the ans is no. You may have regulated these activities to align with KC activities, as in eating only prasadam, associating only with devotees, but still youare doing everything na.
It is a very harsh fact of life - money is BIG in anyone's life. To be fair to your parents and extended family, they are trying to guide you to be able to be financially independent, there is absolutely nothing wrong in that. There are so many IIT students and PHDs in ISKCON, does that mean that they are any less spiritually, simply because they have got a degree materially that makes people of the world look upto them? I will encourage you to get a proper degree and not just get into some typing course. How much will typing help you feed yourself, your family, pay for house rent, conveyence, medical and other incidental expenses that are bound to happen in anyone's life.
The reason parents are unable to guide their children onto the spiritual path is because they themselves do not know the path. Most people in the world are materialistic and have not figured out the purpose of life. If they themselves dont know, how can they show you that way. Since you know the purpose of life, it is your duty to show them the path. The way to do this is to be more obedient, more caring, more responsible. Get into a proper degree course and do your devotion side by side. That is the best way to preach to them. When they see the change in you, not only will they be reassured that you are on the right path materially, they will also understand that you are on the right path spiritually and start following your path. Wont that be wonderful? Dont you think that is the best service you can render to Krsna.
Just to tell you - I am aware of devotees who are forced to leave full time temple duties and get into some kind of job or business to sustain themselves and their families simply because the temple is not paying them enough and their family is growing, therefore financial needs are growing.
Be practical prabhu. Dont get carried away by the so called romanticism of spirituality. Once reality hits you, it may be too late. Spirituality is a way of life, working does not mean that one cannot think of Krsna anymore.
I am a Chartered Accountant. I started my ISKCON journey before I started the CA course and chanted throughout my studies and am today a General Manager in a reputed corporate. I am working, am married - therefore doing all the cooking myself and taking care of full family responsibilities, I am also doing little seva in the temple on weekends and festivals and am also doing my bhakti. I am not trying to brag - i am telling you everything to let you know it is possible. Krsna consciousness is a way of life we choose, for taht we dont need to sit in one corner and think of Krsna. The lord Himself says - whatever you do, whatever you eat, ...do that as an offering to Me, keeping Me in the centre. Do that prabhu. Dont get into externals, internalise your bhakti and DO YOUR PRESCRIBED DUTY AT ALL COSTS.
Haribol,
Best of Luck,
Your servant,
Rashmi