Hare Krishna, dear devotees...please help me through your valuable guidance...
My faith in God has decreased dramatically, and one part of my brain wants to just forget i was ever introduced to something like Bhakti Yoga…but another part of my intelligence is telling me, no i should stick to it no matter what…so please help me
Since childhood, being educated in a convent school, it was imprinted in my mind that Lord is always with me, he always guides me personally, he is there for me, i can always rely on him. That was very innocent yet genuine faith in Lord. I used to pray daily, with so so much conviction that yes Lord listens to my prayers and he is "personally" helping me, being always present before me.
But now i have totally lost faith in praying..i dont think Lord listens at all…for the following reasons:
•being introduced to the truth, reading several verses from Gita where Lord discloses who is dear to Him; several talks/lectures where we are convinced that Lord only takes personal interest in the lives of pure devotees, also that he is personally available with only the pure ones…..is theoretically understood by me to be true, but it disturbs me very much.
•Also the thing that, we are not eligible to directly offer bhog to Lord, we first offer it to the spiritual master and then Lord accepts it from Him…is another imprint in my mind that Lord is far far away from me. He doesn't directly reciprocate with me.
Although i understand this is to convey the importance of spiritual master..still..i dont feel very much freeness in sharing my feelings with spiritual master in mind..but with Krishna i used to
•Also, we say that we shouldn't ask for any material desires from Lord…but desires are there(and they are not always related to lower ways of sense gratification…but instead related to studies, responsibilities etc)….in that case…just from whom to ask?
Earlier the faith was very simple, Lord is my everything, i must depend on Him. Now it is like, i shouldn't ask, oh i shouldn't ask from him….it is very very disturbing
•Also somewhere it is written…that when we ask something from Lord Krishna to be particular…he fulfills it in a way that we loose taste in that…and give up that desire. This is in many cases very fearful…
I understand this fear is due to not enough faith in Krishna, that he will expertly handle me and my needs... But my faith has decreased because of reading & learning too much philosophy. Although i 💯 agree that it is true, & we must follow it…but it is taking me away from Lord.
• Another reason my faith has decreased, is we say Lord is not sentimental. I dont know what it's real meaning is…but where i read this and the way my shiksha guru had explained…seemed to point out more that for every small reason we cant go to Lord and ask for help, and hope that he will understand and help us…
I am feeling tooo much distanced from Lord. And I don't at all like this feeling. This is first time, that before sharing this with Lord himself in my prayers, i am sharing with devotees, so that i get guidance.
Then what should be my approach…that i dont deviate from/ adulterate the truth revealed in scriptures and acharyas also…and yet be peaceful that Lord is present with me..?
Sorry for long question…i am sincerely worried my faith might decrease more if i dont ask…
Hare Krishna 😊🙏
Replies
Hare Krsna dear Mataji,
PAMHO.
I will attempt to answer your doubts one by one:
being introduced to the truth, reading several verses from Gita where Lord discloses who is dear to Him; several talks/lectures where we are convinced that Lord only takes personal interest in the lives of pure devotees, also that he is personally available with only the pure ones…..is theoretically understood by me to be true, but it disturbs me very much.- let me put it in opposite way. Suppose you were one of the pure devotees. Then if you read that for the lord, everyone is equal, doesnt matter whether they are devotee or demon. Would you not think that in that case, why do so much austerities and become devotee. May as well do my own thing, fulfill each and every wish and become a demon. Anyways, for the lord, I am as good as a devotee.
The example is given of a mother who has say 4 children. THe child who is most obedient and who cares the most will always be more dear to the mother, right? That does not mean that the other children are not dear.
•Also the thing that, we are not eligible to directly offer bhog to Lord, we first offer it to the spiritual master and then Lord accepts it from Him…is another imprint in my mind that Lord is far far away from me. He doesn't directly reciprocate with me. - LOrd is as far away from me as I want Him to be. He is as close to me as I want Him to be. Just because we have parents, does that mean that we dont have any relation with ggransparents If we appraoch the lord via his pure devotee, or guru, what happens is:
1) the pure devotee acts like a mother and corrects whatever is wrong in our offering and adds whatever is missing in our offering to the lord. This way, we are assured that what is offered to the lord is as per His standard and that He will accept.
2) By surrendering to the lord, we are more assured that lord's mercy will flow to us. One, we will be recommended by the guru. Second, Lord has Himself said thatthe way to reach Him is through His devotee.
Though we are approaching the lord through His pure devotee, already accepted child of lord, we still have our individual journey and individual relationship with the lord. This is to be experienced to be understood. The closest example I can think of is parents and grandparents, that I mentioned already.
Will answer your other points gradually.
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Although i understand this is to convey the importance of spiritual master..still..i dont feel very much freeness in sharing my feelings with spiritual master in mind..but with Krishna i used to
Hare Krishna,
I am assuming that you are quite young from the questions and innocence in the questions asked. Your questions are cute, innocent and genuine. I am sure even Lord Krishna might be amused reading all these doubts. You are trying so hard to connect to Him somehow.
Firstly, I would say that when you were young your faith was pure and innocent, that time you framed an idea that Lord is our friend, or brother or someone very close. But now you are not able to see that innocence and connection .. Because you came to know about HIS Opulence and grandeur . Now you are seeing Lord is Supreme Personality of Godhead. Someone who is unreachable by common people. You came to know the Supremacy of Lord and How big is HIS stature.
Well, That is how Supreme Lord Narayana is. But as far as Lord Sri Krishna is concerned He is most easily available to those who love HIM. Ya, He tests a lot because its a matter of LOVE.
We jeevas' have always prayed to Lord but we proved HIM always wrong, whenever some immediate satisafaction of the painful, stressful condition we got engrossed in the wordly happiness and forgot Lord so many times that He became somehow averse to us. He listens to you all the time. But Did you anytime listen to Little Krishna? What He wants? What He needs?
We were all the time busy in asking oh God pls. give me this... oh God pls. solve this Problem..Oh God help me I am in trouble. Have you wondered anytime How Little Krishna is feeling?
Love means only giving mata ji not expecting anything in return.
We made Love into Business these days.
YOU give me this I will pray to you. You give me that.. I will chant.. Prayer is also now a business dealing.
I want Goloka I want to escape from this dukhalayam Pls. save me. I will chant 16 rounds for that sake ( IS THERE ANY IOTA OF LOVE IN THIS PRAYER). It is selfish interest only for which you are doing. You want to escape this Dukhalayam now because It is painful, troublesome for us. Such selfish prayer is not at all liked by God.
Meerabai sang.. "Mere Nainan Mein Baso Nand LaaL'' She never said...mujhe bachav ....mai apna boriyan bistar bandh ke aa rahi hoon Goloka.. ab yehan nahi rahna hota Krishna .. Aaisa toh nahi gaya???? hai ki nahi? She never craved for Goloka or escaping from the tortures of the world. She said.. in her poems... tith bithavu uth hi baithu.. jo deve so khaau... Wherever you keep me I shall sit.. Whatever you give me I will wear.. Whatever you feed me I wont complain and ask more..." But Oh Nand ke Laal pls. come and stay in my eyes., in my heart.
But what are we doing now a days? We pray for all our basic needs.. we ask him to give us this that..( every normal thing from food, clothing, shelter to daily needs to passing exams to getting married to having children).
But Krishna needs only one thing from us.. After giving all these things atleast one time you will ask .. Krishna tu kaisa hai? tumko kya chahiye.. ? We treat Lord Sri Krishna as having body and personal form. We offer bhog.. thinking He is there sitting accepting our food. But we forgot that He might also feel pain. He might also feel sad.. He might also feel lonely and needs company. We never asked.
Lord is Sentient or I would say Supremely Sentient. Only that which is needs is Our care. Are we so caring that He reciprocates like he does to advanced devotees. What is lacking is us?
The thing that is lacking is we made it a one sided business dealing.. ( Asking Him to give give give us something or other ... and like humans dealings we made a pact with HIM you give me this I will pray).
We have not made it two sided Love. God is very caring and loving highly merciful He gives whatever you ask.. But never excepts that you care for HIm. But we should realize how selfish we became.
He wont complain like us. He wont cry for attention. He wont say a word. But it is time we realize.
Then there will be reciprocation.
If you treat Krishna as Supreme Personality of Godhead then, He is far from you. You cannot have direct contact with him. If you treat Him as your own kith and kin. He will be right with you all the time. Krishna is present in every being as Parmathma ...then why fear?
For a child who knows nothing but the mother and father.. For that child guru is mother and father only.
We must learn everything read all scriptures and learn to unlearn them and become meek and humble and innocent inside. Look the gwal baal and Vraj wasi's they didn't know what is Gita. they didn't know what is Srimad Bhagwatam. . they didn't know anything. All they know was only one thing. Kanniah will save us somehow from all troubles. If there was any small trouble also they all went to Nand baba's house and seeked Krishna's help. That is complete surrender.
All Pustak Book gyan should finally come to one stand point. After reading all books we must know the essence of all books is only One thing. Krishna will save us somehow thats all. Nothing else is needed.
NO Tark-Vitak ( arguements agreements and disagreements) is useful. they wont lead us anywhere. After reading all books also we must develop that humility and innocence of Braj Vasi's., that is the essense of all bhakti.
Don't feel distanced from Lord. Lord always said I reside in the heart of my devotees. He also said In Chaitanaya Charitamrita time and again many times.. that.. I am non different from My pure devotees and I reside in them and they reside in Me.
Mai tumne basa hua hoon and Tu mujh mein basa hua hai.. Phir mai kahan hoon ..??? sab kuch toh tum hi ho. Mai toh hoon hi nahi.
If you offer to Guru/Aacharaya or you offer to Krishna .... IS there any difference then?
Krishna resides in Guru and non different from Him and guru resides in Krishna and is non different from Krishna. toh tum Krishna ko bata sakti ho kuch bhi. You can approach Krishna or guru they are both non different and one and the same.
It is just that you want to see Krishna in Guru's form He will appear so. If you want to See Krishna In His original form well .. then also no problem.
Pothi Padh Padh Kar Jag Mua, Pandit Bhayo Na Koye
Dhai Aakhar Prem Ke, Jo Padhe so Pandit Hoye ( Kabir das doha)
Kabir das says.. those who read books without realization have not understood anything. They cannot be called pandits. The one who has read and understood the 2 and half word ( prem) that person is called the wise.
Books can teach us ...How Krishna was at those time.., how devotees attained His abode.. We can read and know many things .. But to realize what we read.. we must follow the foot steps of aacharyas and Gopi's of Vrindavan.
The braj wasi simpletons they didn't know anything. If there was torrential rain they all came under the shelter of Govardhan giri and simply they abided by Sri Krishna. those simpletons they thought they were helping Krishna lift the Govardhan giri by supporting the mountain with their canes and sticks. When there were attacks from demons.. those Braj vasi's they didn't care for themseleves.. All they feared was the evil eye on Lord ..and tried to take off the evil eye on Krishna by doing doing various mantra chantings ... Now How can we compare our bhakti to them?
We are always in begging position from Lord .. Lord give this Lord save me.. Lord give me Goloka...But we don't care and Love Krishna genuinely.
The day we start Loving Krishna that day we will see Him reciprocate to us also. We will see he will be sentimental also. Now He wont reciprocate as we are so selfish in our dealings. But don't call Him insentient or not sentimental.
If you are dependent on Lord like the Braj wasis' for everything then Definitely He will recirpocate also.
ये यथा मां प्रपद्यन्ते तांस्तथैव भजाम्यहम् |
मम वर्त्मानुवर्तन्ते मनुष्या: पार्थ सर्वश: || 11||
BG 4.11: In whatever way people surrender unto me, I reciprocate with them accordingly. Everyone follows my path, knowingly or unknowingly, O son of Pritha.
This is proof that He will recirprocate depending on the level of surrender.
If you have 10% surrender then His recirprocation also will be of the same level. If you have 100% surrender then He will recirpocate and be sentimental also just as much as you put in your love.
We stress on the point that Krishna has a form. That means He is also like us. He is lively. He is Sentient.
One Story:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H8wIKE_a3I
Thank you very much mataji, i read this 3 times so as to fit it in my mind. I tend to forget, and thus keep getting confused. I understand what you have said about all the points my query was about. Especially, that few things from Scriptures we need to learn and unlearn, and primarily focus on whether our love for Krishna is increasing or no. I will try to mould my lifestyle in a way,that i include krishna as my own family member. And thus serve him lovingly. I get that, i need to remember lord is loved by many people yet, at the same time remember He is special to me when i serve Him, or when i pray to Him. This will solve my problem, thank you very much. And yes, i will try to decrease my selfishness, i know this is true we pray to ask something from lord.. gradually i will stop this.
Hare Krishna,😊🙏
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
YOu need personal association of devotees. Please write to me.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD