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I know that our service to Krsna is not supposed to be conditional on us receiving anything in return and purely because of a loving relationship. But Krsna does make promises and we are supposed to be able to take Him at His word. What if one sacrifices everything he has in order to serve Krsna and Krsna leaves him homeless and penniless? Or surrounded by people who hate him? Our relationship with Krsna is supposed to be loving and reciprocal but how long can one wait for reciprocity before he comes to the conclusion that the other one in the relationship doesn't love them as well?
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
Having faith that Krsna will not let us drown, will always save us, be by our side is one of the levels of surrender.
We human beings are so selfish that unless we get reciprocation, we cannot even love God. For someone who has been doing sadhana (in whatever form), it is not possible that there is no reciprocation. Only the sadhaka's heart will know the reciprocation. There are so many realisations, big and small, that one keeps having on this path. That is the entire beauty - the journey is as interesting (full of rasa) as the destination.
Have faith prabhuji. Krsna will always reciprocate. His ways are strange and known to Him only. Somehow He communicates to the sincere soul His reciprocation.
To argue on the other side, suppose we are not feeling any reciprocation. And we are frustrated, how long to continue like this... at that time, try to remember how many lifetimes after lifetimes we have ignored Krsna and made sense gratification the purpose of our life. We did not reciprocate with Krsna then, He still loved us, provided for us and waited for us to turn to Him. So if He is taking time now, can we complain? If He had also decided, no reciprocation, so let me forget this jiva, where would we be?
Persevere prabhuji, with faith, on the path of loving devotion.
Radha Rasamayi DD
Thank you Radha,
Your reply is insightful and helpful as always. To be completely honest I know I am struggling with selfishness and have not been anywhere near satisfied with my practice of devotional service. God still shows me mercy by giving me vision to see my mistakes and how to correct them. He continues to touch my heart and keep me humble. What has caused me worry lately is my living situation. It is not as desperate as what I wrote in my original post but has been consuming my thoughts lately. I am in a city which I wish to leave and surrounded by people who are unusually cruel including my family who are the worst. I am still fairly young and have been trying for years to get a career and move away and start my own life but am continually met with blockades. This might be just an excuse but I also feel that if my career and living situation were better maybe I could get my mind out of this rut I am in and get back to practicing as I once did and hopefully improve. Trust is not something that comes easily to me and I am surprised how much I have been able to give the Lord. Now it is waning and I just want to get everything back on track. Why am I getting so much resistance when all I am trying to do is fix my life?
Thank you again,
Your humble servant,
Sharing, thinking if this could be of some help (last 3 min of this video): https://youtu.be/iPDaUApVFBU?t=56m8s
- Jai Shri Krishna !! Jai Bhakt Prahlad ki Jai !!
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
Sorry for late reply. I saw this post now only.
If you are surrounded by people who hate you, esp family members, maybe you need to examine your own behaviour. Maybe you are rubbing them the wrong way. I dont know anything - I am just thinking that sometimes when we start on the path of KC, we become so uptight that we are on the right path, that we start to belittle others choices in everything, whether it is faith or eating or clothes. Obviously nobody likes it. Then the situation becomes difficult.
If you are continually met with blockades, then there is a lesson in that also. My experience of life is that obstacles teach us much more than smooth roads. Obstacles are there to make your resolve towards bhakti stronger, because at this time, if you are allowed to go your way, you may decide that life is now comfortable and there is no need for Krsna. I dont know - I am saying that obstacles in my life have helped me grow spiritually, mainly because I was looking for a lesson in all my struggles.
This is the time to strengthen the faith, rather than let it dwindle.
Radha Rasamayi DD
Thank you for your reply,
I know that I have struggled with being intolerant with others' behavior since I have become a devotee and it is something I strive to change. I hate cruelty and it is hard for me to be kind and compassionate to those who don't care who they hurt but I am trying to change. As for my family I truly have done nothing wrong and I don't say that lightly. I can accept responsibility for my mistakes. I have given them more forgiveness than they deserve. I'm almost positive they are all psychopaths. And if not all then definitely a few. My point is these are not relationships that can be fixed with love and understanding. The best thing I can think of is to just cut ties. I just want to be a good person and become a devotee worthy of Krsna's love. I just really need His help to move forward. I guess sometimes all we can do is worship and wait. When I first started down the path of Bhakti I saw huge changes in my character and I was proud of the person I was becoming. Then setback after setback came and fatigue set in and I am no longer the devotee I was. I am worried I am only going backwards at this point.
Thank you again,
My sympathies Anthony prabhu. Please try to get out of there as soon as possible. Since you are already trying, and are not successful, I am sure there is a lesson in that also. Please look for that lesson and learn the lesson. Automatically, either the struggle will go away, or it will stop bothering you.
Life is a continous struggle to convert an adversity into an opportunity.
Hare Krishna Prabhu ji
Have Faith , The Most Important Thing is that Krishna Loves you , he preserves what the devotee has and provides what he Requires. If you are having Free time in your day right now devote that time to krishna , Do More Rounds (keep increasing by 4 rounds) ,Japa is like you are talking with krishna increase your Bhakti and youll see many Realizations along the way during your Sadhana
Hare Krishna prabhu,
I went through all the points you mentioned. I can totally feel for you as I too go through such situations often. But by Krishna's grace, I do get inspired. Let me share with you some of the points which I learned.
Hope these helps you to overcome the problems.
Hare Krishna , you should have unflinching faith ,
I know its difficult to say then being done , I always remember Srila Prabhupad how at the age of 71 he went to america and spread Krishna Consciousness .