i had completed electrical engineering and wanted to get a central government job.this was my aim two years before and i prepared for Gate exam and ESE exams. my preparation are not enough in the first year and therefore i failed.i never gave up. and i wanted to do it one more time as it was my habit to try and achieve. but whatever i think in my mind i am not able to put into use.every great thoughts appeared to me but was not useful to me in anyways.i faced my own guilt for not succeeding in any exams that i have attempted. during my preparations i start things great but end in a utterly fruitless ways. my mind keeps on wandering thinking about the future life. it thinks like getting job in government and it thinks on having a beautiful wife and so on. all these were good at one stage but after it worsened my conditions and made me to grieve for those things that i am to loose if i didn't get a job. after all these trauma of my mind i found myself watching Mahabharata in TV one day.then after i started to read about spirituality and quite soon i was able to read Bhagavat Gita online and it attracted me so deep and i heard all slokas and explanation in tamil by downloading them. i felt at peace and started thinking on it and my birth.i wonder i failed many govt exams for job in 2 years to read holy gita.
In my personal life i am the child who was born to my parents after 12 years of marriage and my parents tell me that for begetting me they observed austerities to lord karthikeya(lord muruga in tamil).since my childhood i pray to kuladevata and lord karthikeya and i am able to shine in studies and sports also. spiritual foretellers also tell me that i am going to be successful in life.
i know that i can do well in exams but all my efforts is going vain now and i am not able to take a better decision to where to go in my life. i feel hell in my mind that i am loosing everything to gain nothing and as the age increases my focus is also diverting towards marriage,wife relations etc and i am not able to imagine me in any way of life. when all this happens i feel like to go to forest and sit there until i die.
please help me with the problem that i have
thanks in advance