• Read about Krishna, remember Him, pray to Him, secretly love Him... As a married woman who has secret lover, hiding everything  from her husband. 

    In this way, Krishna will be pleased and your husband will be satisfied to.

    SB 7.11.25 — To render service to the husband, to be always favorably disposed toward the husband, to be equally well disposed toward the husband’s relatives and friends, and to follow the vows of the husband — these are the four principles to be followed by women described as chaste.

    • Dean Prabhu,

      Husbands or Wives are very possessive about their partners and secret love, hiding etc are not required.

      First of all what is our relationship with Krishna. We are all his property and his children. I have heard many stories where a pure devotee asks his wife to sleep with other person to render devotional service. I know we are all souls and not this bodies but still it is difficult to convince our brain saying its OK to tolerate such things for the sake of devotional service. Does that mean there is no individuality for soul.

  • Volunteer

    Hare Krsna,
    My obeisances to all devotees, guru and gauranga.

    Please excuse my response if its sensitive to women. I am just giving my understanding on this topic.

    Nikita mataji, your first dharma is towards your husband. Having said that if you want to give Krsna priority then Krsna takes precedence over everything. For grihasthas, the sadhana is always challenging as we have to deal with the other parties in the family. Krsna is also pleased by the sacrifices and dedications of the grihasthas as they have to juggle their daily duties along with spiritual activities/sadhana. Krsna sees the intent and the motivation. Krsna knows that you want to serve him but you can also serve Him through your husband. As Radha mataji has mentioned. have a chat with your hubby as to why he wont allow you to do japa. Give your reasons on why and how japa can be beneficial to you and to the family and more importantly towards KC.

    My devotee friend and I were having a similar discussion and he suggested (based on a senior devotee's suggestion), try to keep the other person in the family happy first, then they will not interfere in what you do after. Even when you are trying to please the other person, see Krsna in them and that activity itself will turn into a spiritual activity. This will keep you sane and happy. It might be hard initially but Krsna will provide you the way if you keep Krsna at the centre of whatever you do.

    If you cant chant on beads, then chant while you are doing your household activities. Maybe sacrifice half an hour of sleep time to at least get some rounds on the beads if you like.

    I apologize if any of my comments upset you mataji(s).

    Srila prabhupada ki jai..

    Hare krsna

  • Hare Krsna Mataji
    Yes, please your husband so that you can do your japa. At times like this when in doubt also do your japa. Japa can take place continuously without impediment. In that you need faith.
  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Mataji,


    Are you working or housewife? If you are working, chant on your way and back and some in office (during lunch time maybe). If you are not working, chant when he has gone to office. This takes care of weekdays. Now for weekends - maybe you start on a Monday, so that by the time the weekend comes, you have already chanted 5 days and have gathered the strength to tell him that this is important to you, you were chanting before marraige and would like to continue now also. You could have a discussion with him to find out what his objections are and try to reason with him. Or involve any senior devotee you are comfortable with.

    Regarding fasts, keep them on hold for now. One thing at a time. You can discreetly find out when ekadasi is - and say that day, you are not feeling well, dont want to eat. Then eat fruits and milk, curd. Nobody cares in sasural whether you are eating or not, as long as they are getting their food. Bank on that.

    I believe your husband is a future devotee, so you have to handle him with love and care. At the same time, you would not want to disrupt your married life, so take one step at a time. This could be one approach. Another approach could be to be strong from the beginning on your sadhana - you will chant 16 and follow 4, fast on ekadasis come what may. THis way he also knows this is not negotiable. It depends on your individual situation and how strong you are - you are the best judge.

    Best of luck.

    Please chant under all circumstances - that is my advice to you. You could pray to Krsna that while I want to continue my sadhana, I would like to maintain peace in my relationships, so help me God. He sure will, rest assured.


    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

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