The daily depression.

Pranam to all Prabhus, and Devotees,

I am suffering through a bad phase in my life, and undergoing a great depression. I can't focus on anything and seek some direction and guidance. 

Little about myself. I am new to the Krishna devotion and have started learning Bhagwad Gita recently to find solution on my life trouble.

The problem I am facing is an emotional distress due to unhealthy relationship between my mother and my wife.

I am in US & my old parents are in India. I got married (arrange) a couple years back in India to an indian girl and my wife came to US with me.

But things didn't go well between my wife and my mother when I was in India for marriage and then after marriage.

Now I am here in US, but whenever she gets a chance my wife talks trash about my mother.

She uses bad words talks about how my mother is bad.

Whenever I think of bringing my parents here to stay with me, things go south with my wife.. she picks fight with me, uses bad words for my mother and also threatens me of divorce.

Her point is I should either choose her or my parents.

I love my parents, I love my mother...  I understand the chillness behavior of my wife.

I do understand that my mother knowingly or unknowingly must have hurt her...  

It hurts when she uses bad words while talking with my parents, she talks of taking a revenge on my mother. I wanted to bring my parents to US to give them a better life, but my wife is not leaving any chance for denying them this opportunity.

It is stressful, my parents suffered a lot for raising me, then sacrificed lot of things to get me here.

But now when it is my chance of giving them happiness and better life I have  been blocked.

I love my parents and my wife... but I am getting hurt by seeing behavior of my wife towards my old parents.  

Memories, thoughts of my parents their sacrifices hunt me every now and then.. I am getting into depression.

I tried to explain this to my wife hundred of times, but she does not understand, she is full of revenge thoughts.

Prabhuji's please help me... I am going through a daily stress. Thoughts of my parents and my unstable married life is hunting me and killing me from inside.

 

You need to be a member of ISKCON Desire Tree | IDT to add comments!

Join ISKCON Desire Tree | IDT

Email me when people reply –

Replies

  • There is a series of 5 classes called "spiritualizing our relationship" by HG Chaitanya charan prabhu. Plz do hear it, it will giv u understanding of how relationship works.

    https://www.thespiritualscientist.com/?s=spiritualizing+relationship

    This is the link
    You searched for spiritualizing relationship - The Spiritual Scientist
  • Hare krishna , I feel this Issue cannot be resolved here , You can do your self , Meet both your wife and your Mother together as you love them both , Talk to them and resolve , We cannot get all in the relationship as we expect more from others , I would sincerely advice to listen other advices from Senior devotees but finally you have to do it 

    Hare krishna dandavat pranam 

    • Hare Krishna!!

      I feel this Issue cannot be resolved here :  Prabhuji, I feel it is all our belief. I believe this platform can help me in reaching and realising the lotus feet of Krishna. This platform is like the guru-tattva for me as I have no one else to guide me. The advice from pure devotees here helped me a lot so far. I think others too will get all solutions to their problem on this platform, if they believe.

      Senior devotees here are the real eye openers for the ignorant souls like me!!

      -haribol !!

  • Dear Prabhuji's 

    Thank you for your guidance and suggestions.

    I have a question though, please tell me what you think.

    I know that there is only one supreme power the one almighty bhagwaan krishna.

    We should leave our concerns behind and devote ourselves to Krishna Consciousness.

    But Prabhu, aren't our Mata, Pita Gods too??

    These gods has give me life, love throughout my life.

     

    Now if anyone (including my wife? ) holds a grudge & ill fate for my god's... Why shouldn't I leave this person? 

    Should I break away from my wife? and devote my rest of the life to services of my parents and take care of them?

    • Volunteer

      Hare krsna prabhuji,

      All glories to Srila Prabhupada!!!

      I think the answer is quite simple but maybe a bit hard to implement mainly because men of this generation are not as strong as the previous generation in terms of maturity.

      Mother-daughter in law issue has been there for ages and will continue into the future. Be a man and stand up for your relations both for your parents and for your wife.

      When your wife scolds your parents, take her to task and ask her to stop being disrespectful towards your parents. She might have some bad experience with your mother but that doesnt mean that she can hold it forever. Same goes to your mom too. You have to step up at both ends to control the situation.

      If you want to take care of your parents which is your right, then your wife has to understand and cooperate with you to make it happen. If she doesnt, then let her go. You are better off without her. Having said that, if your wife allows them to stay with you and then your mom creates issues, then send them back. 

      You still have options to make it work. As I said, the solution is simple, but implementing it will take some time and compromises.

      Now, where does your strength come from to handle this situation? it is from Krsna. Krsna is with you if you are with Him. Devote your time away from this on going saga. He will show you the way. Continue chanting and do whatever service you can from your end. Keep your sadhana strong. the rest will fall in place. Krsna knows your life better than you do. Let Him lead.

      Hare krsna.

    • E-Counselor

      Hare Krsna Prabhuji,

      Now I will ask a couple of questions which you need to answer to yourself, not to me.

      Are you happy with your wife otherwise, apart from mother issue?

      Why will you leave your wife - for parents? Do you think a broken marraige, for their sake, will give them happiness?

      Suppose you leave her and be with your parents and eventually marry again, what is the garaunteee that the new lady will be ok with your parents?

      Life is a compromise prabhu, no situation is ideal or permanent. There will always be some issue, somehow or the other. 

      Yes, parents are to be worshipped, One has to take care of parents. In your case, somehow or the other, you could not communicate the importance of your parents in your life to your wife early on in the relationship. Thats why she is in a dominating position now. What can you do? Leaving just for this is not advisable. We always advise people to keep their relationships intact. Marraige is a huge sacrifice, a compromise where both have to compromise. 

      You could put embargo like not allowing her parents to visit because yours are also not allowed. Ultimately, it is nothing prabhuji.

      What my advise to you is - please get into devotion, these 2 souls are your parents in this lifetime. Their relationship with you is limited to about a year more than your age. So many lives, so many parents....Take care of them, there are alot of ways prabhuji.

      Haribol,

      YOur servant,

      Radha Rasamayi DD

    • HareKrishna,

      As per my understanding, we need to purify us first to see things clearly.

      Bg 2.7 — Now I am confused about my duty and have lost all composure because of miserly weakness. In this condition I am asking You to tell me for certain what is best for me. Now I am Your disciple, and a soul surrendered unto You. Please instruct me.

      -- Haribol !!
  • Hare Krishna

    In this situation, don't leave Prabhu's name. Please chant Hare Krishna mantra atleast one round.

    For situations at your home, place Radhe Krishna Murti in your temple. 

    Pray 1 lesson from BhagwadGita either daily or once a week. Things will start changing. 

    Prabhu is with all of us.

    Haribol !

  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Prabhuji,

    PAMHO.

    I understand your situation and sympathise with you fully. 

    There are a couple of things you can do in this situation:

    1) Get into Krsna Consciousness and introduce your wife also.

    2) Ensure you eat without onion garlic veg food, offered to the lord, before eating. Make sure your wife also does the same. This will go a long way to calm her down.

    3) Stop meat eating, intoxicating, gambling.. basically, follow 4 regulative principles. 

    4) Read Gita religiously. Ideally, both of you read together.

    5) Send money regularly for your parents and ensure their comfort materially atleast. 

    I understand that your wife has been hurt a lot and she is today's generation - no tolerance. When she is in a happy mood, ask her about her parents, their dealings with her and whether she had any fights with them (I am sure she did. Part of growing up). Then gently put a thought in her mind - has she given up all relations with her parents for that? Its like hammering a nail, it will not give results at the first time. You have to keep on doing this, then one day the nail will enter the wall. 

    Just keep praying prabhuji, things will work out.

    Haribol,

    YOur servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

  • Hari bol
    Atul brother
    Bro, you left everything to lord Krishna. Whenever your wife will scold or harass you, Just remember lord Krishna and chant maha mantra from inside. But you should do this with love. Take your wife to isckon temple..teach her also bhagvat Gita....whatever u r eating, put in front of lord Krishna and have it. It will definitely
    helps in purifying her mind. Last but not the least.. U must trust god. If u bleive he is there with you all the time . Then definitely he will help you. Try to chant 16rounds per day .
    Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare hare hare Rama hare Rama Rama hare hare.
    Suppose lord Krishna helps u, then you should not forget him. Make a good relationship with him like brother, friend or father anything u like and maintain the relationship forever. Just follow all the rules and regulations given in the bhagvat Gita.
This reply was deleted.