Stay-at-Home Mothers

Hare Krishna Dear Devotees,

I am a home maker who quit working a year back to take care of my toddler. My baby will turn 2 soon. This past 1 year have been the happiest moments of my life and I completely cherish being the primary caretaker of my kid.

Today, as usual, I took my daughter to the park to play where I met another toddler with his grandfather. The grandfather asked me what do i do. I said im a home maker. Then he said why are you still at home now that your daughter is almost 2 and has grown up. I said i dont feel like going back to work. He said very soon she will start schooling, how will u kill time. I didnt know what to reply. The man had his son as well as daugter in law working and probably wasnt appreciative of ones who dont work outside.

When i decided to quit working it wast an easy decision. It was a very high paying job and i had to kill my ambitions. But i dont regret my decison at all. But somehow, the conversation today made me feel depressed. I am unable to express my feelings as I myself am unable to understand the exact thoughts running through my head. Is it that my sacrifices have no value at all in the eyes of society? is it that my daughter would have had as much a beautiful childhood she is having now had I been working? Do kids of working mothers have the same level of emotional, mental and physicall stability as those of stay at home moms?

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  • Radhey Shyam,

    Every parent loves their child a lot, how anyone raises their child is nobody's else's business. All kids grow up nicely and turn out to the individuals God decided them to be (as this is all decided by GOD) whether their parents stay at home or go to work, it does not matter, whatever the child has to become he/she will become that person.

    Whether to work or leave your job is also a very personal decision. Today you might feel that this right for you... but as the Man said, tomorrow when the child goes to school, you might think that let's try working again. Plus see there are sooo many aspects to it, that really nobody knows what is right. If your financial situation requires you to work, then YOU WILL WORK, believe me. If you think everything is taken care of for your future and your family's future, then you might think, "why work" just stay at home and enjoy my life with my beautiful child.

    Again, its your Karma, if tomorrow you get a great job offer that is very close to your house and some great perks, you might start working. You see karma is the task you are presented with or situation you are presented with, you just accept that situation and act accordingly.

    I left work, then again started working for sometime, then had to leave then again started looking.. so there is no right or wrong way.

    Nobody will give you a medal if you leave your job, how can an outsider appreciate it and do not expect appreciation, you are doing it for yourself and your family (in fact I can say for sure, if there isn't enough money in the household, your own kids will not appreciate any such sacrifice from you). Also nobody will give you a medal if you work really well and your kid has to go to daycare (that is also a sacrifice), AGAIN you are doing it for your self and your family's future.

    As times come adjust accordingly and adapt. All the best

  • Volunteer

    Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

    Firstly, woman should organize her life according to the advice of her husband.

    Secondly, true for Krishna we can do more - not only be a mother but we can do more.

    It is true for a woman it is very nice if she sits at home, cleans it, takes care of kids, cooks...these things are very nice. But in Kali Yuga so many people are suffering. And we got this Chintamani gem of Holy Name.

    So besides being only a mother of a single child we can try to help to others also.

    By assisting in this or other way in preaching mission.

    Like I know Mothers who do jobs as doctors at the  same time nicely take care of their children; At the same time in their job places they preach, help people, and those who get nice money they support Temples, food for life, book publishing...

    For sure when one is a mother of a small kid she will have extra free time - when child is sleeping or after she starts to go to kinder garden, free time will be there.

    So at least 2-3 hours a day Mothers can spend their time for doing jobs or services which they love to do.

    I know Matajis who daily do services at the Temple; Some come for cooking to Deities; some for dressing Them; some for making dresses...but some others as we told before do some other jobs - part time jobs and help Temple financially.

    Help to cow protection;

    Food for life;

    Other preaching programs...

    so so many things to do.

    Not only we be mothers, won't we?!

    Or at least Mothers can cook little extra food and make a habit of distributing Prasadam to neighbors, to the people we meet in the parks, to poor ones; invite guests...feed other kids as our own ...

    Your servant,

  • Mataji,

    If you are materially in a good position,There is no need to work frankly. Your daughter's childhood is more important. You can spend your time in Krishna Conscious Activities and inculcate the right KCon value system into your daughter. Thus you will always remain protected by Krishna all the time. What more does one want?


  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Mataji,


    I think what that old grandfather did was kindle your latent ambitions. It may bother you for sometime. You can utilise this time to analyse what you want from life - you may go for another baby, you may decide to go back to work...What you do need to understand is that it is indeed very fulfilling to be a mother and take care of your children. There need not be any guilt in being a mother - the guilt is in being a working mother.

    Think of it like this - Krsna has entrusted one soul to you and given you the responsibility of ensuring this soul understands the purpose of human life and goes back to Godhead. Children, as you very well know, never listen to what you say, they always follow what you do. Therefore, whatever time you are getting now, you must devote to devotional service in front of the kid and involve her also to the extent she likes to. It will be a lot of fun and she will grow up to be a devotee.


    Your servant,


  • do not justify your motherly desire; this is something that nature has given you...

    society has come to such a state that a old man who is clearly not working is asking a woman taking care of her children why isn't she working?

    my dear, thanks for allowing him to introspect into his own life decisions. 

    he probably feels he could be doing something other than a woman's job hahahaa

    i love u much mataji; my person i love the most is my mother; i have but tremendous admiration for her and her decisions, some children need their parents more than others, but some parents need their children as well. i can tell u, i am thankful for every loving moment my mother and my family gave me... beyond I can even share in this modest message.

    that grandfather was and is confused, first by his own situation, that of a grandmother taking care of a child; and he has spread his confusion to u, by virtue that his dissatisfaction is like a spreading virus haha a;

    allow me to praise your loving devotion to ur child which was given to me by my motherly guru, my mother; this praise which i give u is the praise that ur 2 year old child cannot give u beyond a smile and a hug.

    hahahaha, mataji, in the end, it is true that ur child will move away; and ur goal as a mother, u know it, i guess... who am i to tell u...

    if there is no other happiness for u at this time, what is the point of questioning u?

    thats like talking to someone about God during a moment of orgasm... and yet, women do this all the time... God oh God oh God. hahahaha

    mataji, take today as a test and a lesson. aging and death is inevitable, separation is inevitable, disease is inevitable, enjoy ur healthy child/baby; they are not babies and fully surrendered unto u at all times. 

    spend these precious days decorating other peoples homes, and benefit of the money that gives u, 

    maybe then u'll be able to afford those very expensive picture frames, to fill ur house of pictures from moments so scant in ur life as a moneymaker, that u couldn't recall anything past the pictures on the walls? :-/

    it is not a tough call. mother is the first guru. you have duty towards ur child. it matters not if 99.999% of children who live with their parents are retarded. ur child is ur own mission. now; if u have no one to help u economically, then u may have to sacrifice some of that time, but u are ur own judge.

  • ask that old man; can he take that money with himself when he dies?

    u should have said; i'll have another baby then.

  • Hare krishna..

    First thing, I really appreciate your decision of being at home for taking care of your baby. I feel you must have been happy these two years watching your baby grow up in front of your eyes. There are some things in life which you shouldn't miss and one among that is your kid's childhood.

    Maybe the grandfather didn't know the importance of what you have sacrificed. Just because he is a grandfather, doesn't mean he is right always. Dad is busy, mom is busy and the child is left alone, maybe with some maid or with grandparents. But why do you have to sacrifice that happiness? This life is short lived and running after things is not as important as taking care of your kids. So, please don't be depressed. You did the right thing. Maybe you can catch up with your work when your kid has grown up. Just be peaceful and happy and enjoy with your kid at home.

    And please leave the society for good :)



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