I am visiting family in Califoria for three weeks. And all I am finding myself to do is go to a temple and spend time with devotees. I don't have much interest in what my family does. I am up here at Big Bear Mountains. The only thing I'd like to do is go walking as is because my spiritual master instructed me to go walking everyday. My aunt wants to take me to a museum but I am not interested in that either. I miss my services back in Toronto that my guru gave to me and I especially miss doing Tulasi Puja because I honor Tulasi Puja by dedicating it to my guru when he's away travelling. It seems to please him a lot when I do Tulasi Puja, which is why I got attached. There's not much I'd like to do with my family here in California. And also I've been feeling out of place in my family since I am KC. None of them are KC just me. I hope at least one of them will get me to a temple soon so that I can see Krishna. I have pictures of Krishna with me but I want to see the Deity of Krishna in person soon to help me feel stronger. I just feel separation from Krishna, my guru, and the devotees.I am anxious for these next two weeks to go by quickly so I can return to Krishna and His devotees. I emailed my guru about this to see if he has any suggestions. I've been doing my rounds and getting up for Mangala Aarti even outside the temple, and reading Prabhupada's books to help but for me it's difficult to pictre myself back at temple doing service.
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Thank you so much. I try to keep telling that to myself that Krishna is non different from His name. It can be a challenge though especially when you are away from the temple. I've been reading about Krishna's pasttimes a lot too to help me feel like I am living with Him. But a few times I almost cried being away from the temple, my guru and the devotees in Toronto. They are all family to me there, and I have to go back to them as soon as possible! I get very emotional about a lot of things and this is one of them. I try to control my emotions but sometimes it doesn't always work. :( My guru knows I am very emotional and he says I worry too much but I guess it's just in my nature.
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