I feel so unworthy to be in association with Krishna, so impure compared to His perfection, yet I am falling so in love with Him... I desire to see my love but I am conflicted. I feel comfort in His presence sometimes but today I feel so separated from Him even though I have spent all day thinking of Him and praying and reading and chanting. I feel like Radha when she said something like "perhaps I should just disregard Krishna, if he is going to put me through such tests!"I feel upset and angry at Him for leaving me all alone here and feel like trying to find comfort in the material world like listening to music and eating nonprasadam food and not thinking of Krishna because it makes me so upset. But I can't help it. I feel so terribly afflicted by this longing and feel like I am being split in two. I don't have any gurus or anything other than Prabhupada's books and I've come to this stage of Krishna consciousness by my own fortune, and the supreme mercy of Krishna.I pray to Him, "My dear love Krishna, all the living entities are all suffering just for You Krishna, all their suffering is a result of their separation from You. Let their suffering be sacrificed unto You, Krishna, who is the fountain of transcendental bliss and the pure epitome of relationship satisfaction. I am so unfortunate that I am stuck in this material existence, in ignorance, apart from You. Please come to me, my Lord..."And then I feel like I am not being sincere enough in my prayers and I just feel so much intesity that it is already overwhelming. To imagine the terribly heart wrenching separation the gopis and caitanya must have felt... It scares me a little.Hare Krishna,May my sweet Lord bless you always.I just had to say something. I couldn't keep it inside.
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Radha Rasamayi,
I visited the temple today and was fortunate to find that a congregation was celebrating the appearance day of Lord Caitanya. I came back when they were beginning the service and joined them in chanting, reading and discussing. One devotee made garlands and offered flowers to the deities of Lords Caitanya and Nityananda. There was incense and some auspicious rituals I don't know the names of. The kirtan was especially nice and I learned about a temple 2 hours away, which is very large, so I will be going there to worship, probably on Saturday. I borrowed "The Nectar of Devotion" from the temple which, I was told, would answer some of my questions about the gopi and dwarka rasas.
Walter, thank you for your kind words. I hope you are right and my dharma will lead me to awaken at least one other person to Krishna consciousness. As you said, Krishna is in everyone's heart, we just have to realize this.
resist for very`long The sound of the Holy names of Hare.
Also as He tells us to consider Him as the Lord within the hearts of everyone
He is never really vary far away. So it becomes really a matter of attracting His attention /conchusness
rather than He's person. I think you have a wonderful chance to deliver all of your ancestors from what I hear from you about your approach to this practice and you intellectual mood. good luck (young master) Namaste!
Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya sarvam iti mahatma sudarlabha " I offer my humble respects to Sri Vasudeva who is the Cause of all causes. May He be merciful to me.
We are not separated from Krishna. He is always there within our hearts. He is the Paramatma ( Conscience ). If He bothers you, criticizes you, tells you nice things, tricks you into doing you don`t like. It`s Him! Take a peek or try to hear what Krishna has to say to us every second, every minute, every hour, every year, every life after life using a stethoscope. You place the diaphragm of the stet on your chest. You can hear the sounds, " Lub...Dub...Lub ...Dub." The sounds you think you hear are actually this way, " Lub..Gud..Lub...Gud. ". Krishna always tells us to love Him. If you feel separation from Krishna. It`s simply because you do not know where to find Him.
Haribo always,
Krsnaraja Melvin
Jake Jah Rose > Krsnaraja MelvinMarch 23, 2016 at 6:42pm
Walter,
I appreciate your words of wisdom. Please reference me to where it has been said that it is more worthy to chant out loud instead of in the head. If I'm not terribly mistaken, great sages and Thakurs and such often practiced chanting 1/3 of the rounds out loud, then 1/3 whispering, then finally 1/3 in their head, in that order. Why would they do this if it is more worthy to chant out loud?
Jake Jah Rose > Krsnaraja MelvinMarch 21, 2016 at 6:36pm
Krsnaraja Melvin,
PAMHO.
This is a beautiful thing to remember, that Krishna is always with us, it is only our imagination which makes us think we are separated. Still I have always felt like I don't belong in this material world and now that I have begun advancing in Krishna consciousness I definitely feel like I don't belong.
It takes practice to be able to see Krishna in relation to everything. Much practice. But I try and will continue to try.
Separation is after all, some-what unavoidable as Krishna is Head God & even Bhaktas compete for His favor. Hence to avoid that you might consider becoming more skillful in performing the service that is (the chanting)? in that way reciprocation will be even more forthcoming.
I always remember that the vary nature of Krishna's Name & Fame poses gravity, this at first seem to feel heavy and awkward to endure but I find that if I
/one can accept that (heaviness) and continue to be alert and active in mind & movement the results of chanting are greatly enhanced! After all one can't Likely embody something/an energy if one can't somehow attract, Marshal, & recreate that energy? So it is not overreaching' for a devotee to think-
of the (Maha Mantra) as a vehicle or tool for attracting the attention and eventually the Love of the Head God! Because not even He can resist the (Sag & or the vibrations created when the/His holy names are chanted. We can rest assured that if we are serving/chanting nicely with good intentions. We will receive some degree of recognition from the Lord from within our hearts. As a (footNote) it has been said' that as far as credits or merits are concerned (silent mantras are Not, as worthy as those mantras that are verbally sounded, so, I will suggest whenever possible (verbalize it.) jie Tulasy MahaRoni
Secondly, beautiful thoughts!!! Dandvat pranam to you once more.
Please visit your nearest ISKCON temple prabhuji and find out what is the congregational preaching they are doing. Get into the congregation. I dont know how many books of Srila Prabhupada have you read - please read all if you have not read all. Seocndly, please increase your chanting from 5 to 16, gradually, as you are comfortable.
From your posts, is appears that you are already vegeterian, eating prasadam. Please continue the good work.
Best of luck prabhuji,
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Jake Jah Rose > Radha Rasamayi DDMarch 21, 2016 at 6:30pm
PAMHO
Namaste, Radha Rasamayi,
Thank you for the welcome. Do not praise me for these thoughts in my head for they are the work of Krishna only.
To share where I am at in regards to your (very welcome and appreciated) suggestions, I have begun increasing my chanting but have not reached 16 rounds a day, however I chant in my head a lot, often subconsciously. However I have made considerable progress in my desire to chant since a couple months ago when I rarely chanted an entire round at once. Krishna has begun revealing Himself to me gradually and urging me to continue chanting so I have tried to please him. (in all honesty when I wrote "5" rounds a day, I thought it meant "5 maha mantras" not 5 times 108 mantras. But now I have actually increased my chanting to about 5 rounds a day and will continue to gradually increase.)
I have read these books by Srila Prabhupada (all obeisances to him):
- Bhagavad Gita
- Perfection of Yoga
- Sri Isopanisad
- I have just started reading Sri Bhagavatam in pdf format online.
I have visited the temple in my town a few times but never has there been any congregation because it's a small temple and I was unfortunate to have come when no one else came. But when I did go, I came back with books and with prasadam, so I will return; I just kind of wish there was a bigger and better temple near me. I should just appreciate what is given to me.
Yes I am a vegetarian. Even when I eat nonprasadam I will never stoop to eating meat again. Not unless it is the will of Krishna. That's how strongly I feel right now.
I am currently living with my mom and brother who are nondevotees and don't know I worship Krishna like I do. I don't think they would understand but they are decently open minded so I try to tell them a little thing about my life every once in a while. I try to be subtle to not scare them away from these practices and I'm trying to set an example for them as best I can while I am together living with them. But because of these reasons I have few people I can talk about Krishna with, so thank you for being here.
Thank you for your reply. Next time you visit the temple prabhuji, the prabhu serving you prasadam, the pujari/ priest in the altar giving you tulsi leaf, absolutely any devotee you see there, please talk with them and ask about the congregational preaching in that place. If they say there is nothing, find out what is the timing for the Sunday feast/ Love feast - as per convenience, each temple will have once a week, it could be Saturday evening or Sunday lunch or Sunday evening. So find out and go at that time, you will see what congregation is there. Try to find out from them.
If still you find there is nothing, please speak with teh temple president (ask who is that prabhu) and show your interest in learning more and being part of a congregation. I am sure he will be able to help you.
The idea is that with association, your belief will become firm and you will progress faster.
YOur approach to your family is the most matured and best approach I have seen on this portal so far. Correct - preach with your behaviour, not with heavy philosophy.
Replies
I visited the temple today and was fortunate to find that a congregation was celebrating the appearance day of Lord Caitanya. I came back when they were beginning the service and joined them in chanting, reading and discussing. One devotee made garlands and offered flowers to the deities of Lords Caitanya and Nityananda. There was incense and some auspicious rituals I don't know the names of. The kirtan was especially nice and I learned about a temple 2 hours away, which is very large, so I will be going there to worship, probably on Saturday. I borrowed "The Nectar of Devotion" from the temple which, I was told, would answer some of my questions about the gopi and dwarka rasas.
Walter, thank you for your kind words. I hope you are right and my dharma will lead me to awaken at least one other person to Krishna consciousness. As you said, Krishna is in everyone's heart, we just have to realize this.
Hare Krishna
Peace and love
Krishna (Can~Not)
resist for very`long The sound of the Holy names of Hare.
Also as He tells us to consider Him as the Lord within the hearts of everyone
He is never really vary far away. So it becomes really a matter of attracting His attention /conchusness
rather than He's person. I think you have a wonderful chance to deliver all of your ancestors from what I hear from you about your approach to this practice and you intellectual mood. good luck (young master) Namaste!
Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya sarvam iti mahatma sudarlabha " I offer my humble respects to Sri Vasudeva who is the Cause of all causes. May He be merciful to me.
We are not separated from Krishna. He is always there within our hearts. He is the Paramatma ( Conscience ). If He bothers you, criticizes you, tells you nice things, tricks you into doing you don`t like. It`s Him! Take a peek or try to hear what Krishna has to say to us every second, every minute, every hour, every year, every life after life using a stethoscope. You place the diaphragm of the stet on your chest. You can hear the sounds, " Lub...Dub...Lub ...Dub." The sounds you think you hear are actually this way, " Lub..Gud..Lub...Gud. ". Krishna always tells us to love Him. If you feel separation from Krishna. It`s simply because you do not know where to find Him.
Haribo always,
Krsnaraja Melvin
I appreciate your words of wisdom. Please reference me to where it has been said that it is more worthy to chant out loud instead of in the head. If I'm not terribly mistaken, great sages and Thakurs and such often practiced chanting 1/3 of the rounds out loud, then 1/3 whispering, then finally 1/3 in their head, in that order. Why would they do this if it is more worthy to chant out loud?
PAMHO.
This is a beautiful thing to remember, that Krishna is always with us, it is only our imagination which makes us think we are separated. Still I have always felt like I don't belong in this material world and now that I have begun advancing in Krishna consciousness I definitely feel like I don't belong.
It takes practice to be able to see Krishna in relation to everything. Much practice. But I try and will continue to try.
Hare Krishna,
Jacob
Separation is after all, some-what unavoidable as Krishna is Head God & even Bhaktas compete for His favor. Hence to avoid that you might consider becoming more skillful in performing the service that is (the chanting)? in that way reciprocation will be even more forthcoming.
I always remember that the vary nature of Krishna's Name & Fame poses gravity, this at first seem to feel heavy and awkward to endure but I find that if I
/one can accept that (heaviness) and continue to be alert and active in mind & movement the results of chanting are greatly enhanced! After all one can't Likely embody something/an energy if one can't somehow attract, Marshal, & recreate that energy? So it is not overreaching' for a devotee to think-
of the (Maha Mantra) as a vehicle or tool for attracting the attention and eventually the Love of the Head God! Because not even He can resist the (Sag & or the vibrations created when the/His holy names are chanted. We can rest assured that if we are serving/chanting nicely with good intentions. We will receive some degree of recognition from the Lord from within our hearts. As a (footNote) it has been said' that as far as credits or merits are concerned (silent mantras are Not, as worthy as those mantras that are verbally sounded, so, I will suggest whenever possible (verbalize it.) jie Tulasy MahaRoni
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
Firstly, welcome to this website.
Secondly, beautiful thoughts!!! Dandvat pranam to you once more.
Please visit your nearest ISKCON temple prabhuji and find out what is the congregational preaching they are doing. Get into the congregation. I dont know how many books of Srila Prabhupada have you read - please read all if you have not read all. Seocndly, please increase your chanting from 5 to 16, gradually, as you are comfortable.
From your posts, is appears that you are already vegeterian, eating prasadam. Please continue the good work.
Best of luck prabhuji,
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Namaste, Radha Rasamayi,
Thank you for the welcome. Do not praise me for these thoughts in my head for they are the work of Krishna only.
To share where I am at in regards to your (very welcome and appreciated) suggestions, I have begun increasing my chanting but have not reached 16 rounds a day, however I chant in my head a lot, often subconsciously. However I have made considerable progress in my desire to chant since a couple months ago when I rarely chanted an entire round at once. Krishna has begun revealing Himself to me gradually and urging me to continue chanting so I have tried to please him. (in all honesty when I wrote "5" rounds a day, I thought it meant "5 maha mantras" not 5 times 108 mantras. But now I have actually increased my chanting to about 5 rounds a day and will continue to gradually increase.)
I have read these books by Srila Prabhupada (all obeisances to him):
- Bhagavad Gita
- Perfection of Yoga
- Sri Isopanisad
- I have just started reading Sri Bhagavatam in pdf format online.
I have visited the temple in my town a few times but never has there been any congregation because it's a small temple and I was unfortunate to have come when no one else came. But when I did go, I came back with books and with prasadam, so I will return; I just kind of wish there was a bigger and better temple near me. I should just appreciate what is given to me.
Yes I am a vegetarian. Even when I eat nonprasadam I will never stoop to eating meat again. Not unless it is the will of Krishna. That's how strongly I feel right now.
I am currently living with my mom and brother who are nondevotees and don't know I worship Krishna like I do. I don't think they would understand but they are decently open minded so I try to tell them a little thing about my life every once in a while. I try to be subtle to not scare them away from these practices and I'm trying to set an example for them as best I can while I am together living with them. But because of these reasons I have few people I can talk about Krishna with, so thank you for being here.
Hare Krishna
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
Thank you for your reply. Next time you visit the temple prabhuji, the prabhu serving you prasadam, the pujari/ priest in the altar giving you tulsi leaf, absolutely any devotee you see there, please talk with them and ask about the congregational preaching in that place. If they say there is nothing, find out what is the timing for the Sunday feast/ Love feast - as per convenience, each temple will have once a week, it could be Saturday evening or Sunday lunch or Sunday evening. So find out and go at that time, you will see what congregation is there. Try to find out from them.
If still you find there is nothing, please speak with teh temple president (ask who is that prabhu) and show your interest in learning more and being part of a congregation. I am sure he will be able to help you.
The idea is that with association, your belief will become firm and you will progress faster.
YOur approach to your family is the most matured and best approach I have seen on this portal so far. Correct - preach with your behaviour, not with heavy philosophy.
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD