Gayatri > Pranav SarkarNovember 20, 2023 at 9:02pm
Hmm, if 2 children are also there. Do you think it is good to have a divorce at this point of life.
We are not marriage counsellors here, as we don't know the exact situation.
Two people who are living together cannot adjust with each other. No marriages are successful in this world.
If they are saying they are successful and happy marriages it means they are just adjusting and committed to responsibility and so when comitted we have to maintain it.
5 fingers in a hand itself are not equal in height and they are still working as a whole unit and helping you do all works. No two people will ever be happy togther that is a lie.
Marriage is just about comittment and responsibility. Expecting things to change as per your nature is never met. If we reduce our expectations and try to see good in the other then only we can adjust in any relationship.
If you cannot adjust with this lady because she doesn't match to your mindset. Tomorrow other woman may have similar mindset as you but she wouldn't like to adjust with the mindsets of the children, again there would be some issue or another.
Just remember why you have liked this woman whom you are living with right now, there must be some reason why you liked her and married at that time. Keep reminding of the good things about her and also remember those days where she was going out of her way to help you and children. Just make a list of things which you liked and which made you chose her in those days.
Make a list of the good things positive things about your present wife. Your expectations list. What you think you are very important for her to change.
As a head of the family you should insist her to change her ( non veg- eating behavior) try to show her why it is important to make this change. How many health benefits are there. How many spiritual benefits are there. Try educating her.
With a peaceful mind and soft speech many battles can be wont where fights wont help.
If you really want to change someone's thinking you must try to lower yourself to their level of understanding.
Instead of simply enforcing the law that using the words harshly.
Try to peacefully make her realize things. If she is not able to follow your approach still. That is fine.
You tell her that I want to live according to my philosophy and try to give her time to understand.
Don't think seeing some picture perfect families and assume everything will go like that family. Come out of that imagination. There is no one out there who are so happy in this ugly
materialistic world. Just all are maintaining their families only for the sake of children.
Once you make children we must maintain it as children are major sufferers when there is a divorce between the parents. Think about their minds. How much agitated and stressed they become?
You are thinking selfishly that " I cannot adjust with her" but think from children's point of view also. Can they adjust???? with someone new so called " mother" even if she be an angel also they cannot as for the child it is always its parents that are prime how evil the mother maybe.
If it was only you two people, and it was like few years into marriage.. I would have suggested , yes go ahead.
But after two children???? No Sir.
Whatever you have right now is the duty given to you by Krishna. You must deal with it.
It is as per whatever seed you sown in your past life you got that to either suffer or to enjoy.
You cannot quit somethings which you are destined to suffer to finish the karma.
Just think you had to repay her as you had done something to her in previous life and so she is sent to your life in this way.
I am no one to judge your life, or not even an marriage counsellor.
I don't know what exactly is your situation. Who is at fault. We are just outsiders.
If you think you can make a better life with second marriage and make your children also get adjusted to your ways. ( well, I don't feel nice to give that advice) but you can go ahead as you please.
But try to save marrige for children atleast. You say you cannot adjust.. but you want children to adjust such big big changes in life that is in my OPINION a selfish act.
You married a non vegetarian knowingly now you complain after 2 children??
If she is giving importance to materialistic pleasures so are you isn't it?????
Because what do you even have to marry second time. If you really having so much vairagya and have no materialistic pleasure left in you.
You can just stay with your kids arrange a maid to take care of house and let your parents stay with you. You can be single parent to raise children yourself with the support of family and friends.
Don't just take me wrong. But no two people in this world are exact carbon copy of you. Just keep that in mind.
Adjustment and commitment is the key to successful marriage.
If I give advice to you to break your marriage only on the basis of some food habits it is silly. Bring her to ISKCON center nearby and they will teach her why non- veg is dangerous and how material pleasures will drag you down.
I am inclined to agree with Gayatri mataji. After 2 children, walking out of a marraige is not good. That too, because you have grown spiritually and she has not. This is very bad example you are setting.
Please remember, your family are all future devotees. How you behave with them will have a bearing on how soon they take to devotion. You have to lead by being the ideal devotee you want her to be. You have to be epitome of patience and tolerance. You have to be gentle and patient with her and the kids.
You can tell her you would like to be vegetarian from now on, no more even onion and garlic. Whether she and the kids take it up, is their choice. Please allow them to make that choice. Give them bite sized philosophy, that too when they are ask. Till then, you do your sadhana.
Make it a point to take them to temple/ local congregation atleast once weekly and on festivals. Then maybe you can ask them how they felt. Discuss with them and give them reasons why you are convinced. Again I am saying, let them choose. If they take even 1 step in this direction, praise them and encourage them. This way, nudge them towards KC.
Replies
I think it is not wrong.
tiny fishing
Adjustment and commitment is the key to successful marriage.
Hare Krishna,
What happened to the first marriage?
Hare Krishna
She only thinks about materialistic pleasures, she cannot follow my thinking, she is a non-vegetarian, I do not like non-vegetarians.
Hare Krishna,
So you are thinking to divorce her and marry another who is matching to your thinking? Do you have kids?
yes I have 2 kids
Hmm, if 2 children are also there. Do you think it is good to have a divorce at this point of life.
We are not marriage counsellors here, as we don't know the exact situation.
Two people who are living together cannot adjust with each other. No marriages are successful in this world.
If they are saying they are successful and happy marriages it means they are just adjusting and committed to responsibility and so when comitted we have to maintain it.
5 fingers in a hand itself are not equal in height and they are still working as a whole unit and helping you do all works. No two people will ever be happy togther that is a lie.
Marriage is just about comittment and responsibility. Expecting things to change as per your nature is never met. If we reduce our expectations and try to see good in the other then only we can adjust in any relationship.
If you cannot adjust with this lady because she doesn't match to your mindset. Tomorrow other woman may have similar mindset as you but she wouldn't like to adjust with the mindsets of the children, again there would be some issue or another.
Just remember why you have liked this woman whom you are living with right now, there must be some reason why you liked her and married at that time. Keep reminding of the good things about her and also remember those days where she was going out of her way to help you and children. Just make a list of things which you liked and which made you chose her in those days.
Make a list of the good things positive things about your present wife. Your expectations list. What you think you are very important for her to change.
As a head of the family you should insist her to change her ( non veg- eating behavior) try to show her why it is important to make this change. How many health benefits are there. How many spiritual benefits are there. Try educating her.
With a peaceful mind and soft speech many battles can be wont where fights wont help.
If you really want to change someone's thinking you must try to lower yourself to their level of understanding.
Instead of simply enforcing the law that using the words harshly.
Try to peacefully make her realize things. If she is not able to follow your approach still. That is fine.
You tell her that I want to live according to my philosophy and try to give her time to understand.
Don't think seeing some picture perfect families and assume everything will go like that family. Come out of that imagination. There is no one out there who are so happy in this ugly
materialistic world. Just all are maintaining their families only for the sake of children.
Once you make children we must maintain it as children are major sufferers when there is a divorce between the parents. Think about their minds. How much agitated and stressed they become?
You are thinking selfishly that " I cannot adjust with her" but think from children's point of view also. Can they adjust???? with someone new so called " mother" even if she be an angel also they cannot as for the child it is always its parents that are prime how evil the mother maybe.
If it was only you two people, and it was like few years into marriage.. I would have suggested , yes go ahead.
But after two children???? No Sir.
Whatever you have right now is the duty given to you by Krishna. You must deal with it.
It is as per whatever seed you sown in your past life you got that to either suffer or to enjoy.
You cannot quit somethings which you are destined to suffer to finish the karma.
Just think you had to repay her as you had done something to her in previous life and so she is sent to your life in this way.
I am no one to judge your life, or not even an marriage counsellor.
I don't know what exactly is your situation. Who is at fault. We are just outsiders.
If you think you can make a better life with second marriage and make your children also get adjusted to your ways. ( well, I don't feel nice to give that advice) but you can go ahead as you please.
But try to save marrige for children atleast. You say you cannot adjust.. but you want children to adjust such big big changes in life that is in my OPINION a selfish act.
You married a non vegetarian knowingly now you complain after 2 children??
If she is giving importance to materialistic pleasures so are you isn't it?????
Because what do you even have to marry second time. If you really having so much vairagya and have no materialistic pleasure left in you.
You can just stay with your kids arrange a maid to take care of house and let your parents stay with you. You can be single parent to raise children yourself with the support of family and friends.
Don't just take me wrong. But no two people in this world are exact carbon copy of you. Just keep that in mind.
Adjustment and commitment is the key to successful marriage.
If I give advice to you to break your marriage only on the basis of some food habits it is silly. Bring her to ISKCON center nearby and they will teach her why non- veg is dangerous and how material pleasures will drag you down.
Hare Krishna
Adjustment and commitment is the key to successful marriage.
You are right, I don't want to divorce nor do I want to walk away from my responsibilities, I just want to stay away from her.
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
I am inclined to agree with Gayatri mataji. After 2 children, walking out of a marraige is not good. That too, because you have grown spiritually and she has not. This is very bad example you are setting.
Please remember, your family are all future devotees. How you behave with them will have a bearing on how soon they take to devotion. You have to lead by being the ideal devotee you want her to be. You have to be epitome of patience and tolerance. You have to be gentle and patient with her and the kids.
You can tell her you would like to be vegetarian from now on, no more even onion and garlic. Whether she and the kids take it up, is their choice. Please allow them to make that choice. Give them bite sized philosophy, that too when they are ask. Till then, you do your sadhana.
Make it a point to take them to temple/ local congregation atleast once weekly and on festivals. Then maybe you can ask them how they felt. Discuss with them and give them reasons why you are convinced. Again I am saying, let them choose. If they take even 1 step in this direction, praise them and encourage them. This way, nudge them towards KC.
Leaving is not an option. Not at all.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
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