Hare Krishna!
Please accept my humble obeisances
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
I have been feeling terribly guilty the last few days because a lady I know wanted to come and stay with me in the city I live in, as she passed through to go to an event, but due to a number of reasons including work, living situation, etc, when the time came around - I let her know in very good time, but it wasn't going to be possible for her to stay. I know she had other friends she could stay with because she told me.
I feel bad because she was going to come to the temple with me. Because I told her I was unable to have her stay, she has started verbally abusing me (which was one of the reasons I wasn't willing to make extra special effort for her. She has a mental health issue & has been unnecessarily rude to me in the past, which is why I usually avoid her company.)
I did warn her in the first place that I may be working on that weekend & I kept her completely updated. I don't think I'd feel as guilty if I hadn't asked her if she'd come to the temple with me! It's been chewing me up for days. I can't work out if it was selfish of me or not to want to protect myself (I hope this makes sense).
Usually I would just move on, but I don't know if I've let Krishna down by not bringing someone to the temple when I had the opportunity to? Realistically it wasn't convenient, but if I really wanted to bring her to the temple I could have made the sacrifice?? I don't even know how to resolve this as I've tried to apologise but because of her health condition it's hard to have a sensible conversation with her.
I feel like somehow I've offended a Vaisnava because she was willing to come along. Or is that me being too sentimental??
Replies
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO. Dandvat pranam to you.
You are so pure, from your post I can make out. Rest assured, no need to be on a guilt trip. What you did is fine. If its not convenient for you, its not. If one of the factors for convenience is to protect yourself from an abusive guest, it is justified.
Why was she dependent on you to take her to the temple? She could have gone by herself if that was important to her. We are not responsible for anyone else's actions, we are responsible only for our own actions. You had a history where you knew your potential guest could be abusive, you wanted to avoid that unpleasantness, period. I see nothing wrong.
What you can do is pray for her sincerely to Krsna, to give her His mercy. Then you will feel better.
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Dear Radha Rasamayi DD
PAMHO.. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Thank you very much for your response. Yes, it's true, in the first place before I even mentioned going to the temple I really didn't want to be in the presence of someone I find insincere. She's one of those people where she's her own worst enemy. And me personally - I shouldn't have said it was a possibility when really deep down I didn't want her to..... Lesson learned!!! I'm going through a phase of life at the moment where I'm becoming more interested in spending time with devotees & moving away from non-devotees. My heart aches because I really feel for this woman of course! - I know she is struggling... But as my friend Jagadatma Das told me through Facebook - 'It’s like you see a person drowning but if you are not a strong swimmer if you jump in to save them you will also be drowned. Act accordingly.'
I took your advice & I have prayed to Krishna to give her His mercy.
One day maybe I will be strong enough.
Haribol!
Your servant,
Bhaktin Rachel