Hare Krishna,
Please accept my humble obeisances all senior devotees!
All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga!
I have a question regarding respect. What respect is exact means? How we can give respect to our superior? Respect is the base of our spiritual qualities. But I want to know What we can do for our superiors to give respect to them?
Please forgive me if my question seems not good for answering. but I need to know about respect.
If one can ans this question on the basis of Prabhupada teachings... then this will be good for me in understanding RESPECT...
Krishna's Servant's Servant
Radhika.
Replies
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
Marraiges break when both are at fault - whether karmi or devotee.
I have tried to get atleast one temple management to have special counselling for couples, and the answer was someone has to be there to guide properly. In most cases, the guides themselves need guidance.
In case of ISKCON, marraiges break because people have very 'romanticised' version of how they want to marry the best devotee they can find, without realising whether they will be able to live with such a devotee. This is true for both - prabhujis and matajis.
To give you some examples - one prabhuji recently requested my help in finding a devotee girl for him. He said he has no expectations - she should look after my aged parents and she is free to do as much devotion as she wants. I immediately asked him - what if you come back from doing your duties in the temple and she says, I was so busy doing my sadhana that I could not cook for you today. Will you accept? Predictably, his response was - no no, how is that possible?
I could prove to him that what he actually expects from his wife is everything, what is he compromising on - she should take care of him, his parents, the house and do devotion also. Nothing wrong in that - all I am trying to point out is that this is not clear in his head, therefore he will not communicate clearly while negotiating marraige and then theres trouble brewing....
Another devotee wanted to marry a known person - wanted freshly cooked food thrice a day, she should work also, bring in money for the household expenses, take care of house and be at the beck and call of husband and also bring a fat dowry! Thats ALL he wanted. According to him, this is as per shastra....
I am aware of another so called devotee who married a foriegner lady and made her do all the household work, without any help from maids, take care of his parents and even regularly beat her up. When the mataji finally left the house, her mother in law was raising hell how dare the lady leave? Who needs to be trained in this case? In the name of shastra, we should not encourage men to ill treat and take advantage and expect satyuga wives when they are not able to be satyuga husbands.
Marraige is made out of mutual respect, sacrifice and adjustment by both the parties involved. Thatis my understanding of life as well as of shastras. No relationship is complete, because we are ourselves not complete. We have to accept what we get. Only if we keep Krsna inthe centre of the relationship, it will be fulfilling and give some joy, otherwise it will lead to misery only.
Haribol,
Rashmi
:O so fearful of marriage now...
Hare Krishna dear Radhika Mataji, please accept my humble obeisances!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
It says that even if husband has some bad habits or some bad qualities wife should not disclose them to others. If she has problem with him which she cannot solve herself first she should tell it to her husband.
For example, wife does not like that husband keeps his soaks everywhere and anywhere. So no need to tell others that he is doing so. But to explain to him first politely that this is bringing disturbance in Your mind.
In the reality there should organized heart opening day once in a week. That day both partners stay at home, switch off the phones, send children to relatives, they cook for each other, and sit together and open their hearts. Explain what what things hurt You and him. Even they can cry, even man can cry.
Then afterwards they feed each other with food which they cooked to each other. It may seem funny, but it was the culture.
In this way husband and wife could stay together whole life. Why?
Because there is understanding.
One person maybe doing something not knowing that thing which i am doing is bringing pain to other party. So when they explain the things to each other then both of them will act properly, according to the desires of other person not according to our own.
Another magic thing is that whatever wife thinks of a husband, he becomes like that. It is a magic.
So if wife always tells about his bad qualities to others...as a result what we speak about that we will think so in this way husband will be degraded more and more.
So she should try to find at least a small good in him and meditate on that and tell others about that and have to have faith that husband will become, will become good.
So that is a respect to a husband.
Also wife never should keep some secrets from her husband.
She can keep in secret of how she decorates herself, applies cosmetics (no need to do such things before a husband but for him, but in separate room) but whatever thoughts she has, what problems she has in her mind, with her health...with some other people ...she has to open that to a husband.
Otherwise husband will suspense her chastity.
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Husband's respect to a wife is that he no matter what is ready to protect her. Lord Rama organized whole war to protect Sita. King Harishchandra even when he lost all his wealth, was ready to serve to a chandala but give protection to his son and wife...so it is called as a perfect husband.
So his respect to a wife is that he allows her to be at home and allows her to do job which she loves to do, does not force her to earn money and support the family financially.
He tolerates her emotions, he gives advice to her, he helps with her decisions, he speaks with her politely as if a senior person speaks with child, he remembers important dates like birthdays...; he gives gifts, flowers, inquires about her feelings, thoughts, problems, and listens her, reminds her about her beauty, good qualities...
...
Your servant,
Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
When we are observed too much in ourselves we become inattentive to others.
Inattention is the sign of disrespect.
When we think that we are better than others we do not respect desires of others. We do not consider them as persons or even living beings. That is a pride.
In order to respect others firstly we have to know that I am eternal, blissful, wonderful and unique soul. And all other living entities are also unique souls who are adored by Krishna.
Some peoples' bodies may look homage but when we have true knowledge we see their soul and because of that respect them as souls.
Also when Devotee sees a living being he sees the Super soul in the heart. So he is very respectful not to hurt in any way that Paramatma.
When one has knowledge of the laws of karma then one will have some fear of reactions. Because when we dis respect others, time will come we will get reaction.
We can be respectful to our superiors by being obedient to them, if they are worthy for that, being polite, tolerant, using polite speech, not debating, and in Vaishnava etiquette it says that junior person never should guide a senior.
As an example, i will write about wrong action i did.
There was a senior Devotee Pujari in our Temple....i was new pujari. So we had to cook for Deities in the Kitchen. Once i saw senior Devotee using wooden board for chapatis as a covering to dhal (soup). It was not good to wet that wooden board because if it swallows we won't be able to make nice chapatis.
So immediately i told him not to use that. He became little bit angry and did not tell anything but continued to use. Next day also i saw he using the same board. Now i became angry and told him not to spoil Krishna's plates. Now he did not pay attention even to me, silence.
So in this way i made an offense. He was so senior to me, but out of pride i instructed or even ordered him to do something.
So one should be very careful. It is like wife also should not teach or guide husband as a teacher does with students.
But junior person can tell about it to other seniors and they can approach a senior Devotee and when they tell him to do this and that he will accept. But not from a junior Devotee.
...
so please Radhika Mataji if You desire to learn more about this read Vaishnava etiquette.
http://vaishnavaetiquette.com/
That will help You much.
Your servant,
Hare Krishna Radhika Mataji!
To add some extra thoughts - Lord Chaitanya teaches us an excellent message in his Sri Sikshastakam:
Text 3
trinad api sunichena
taror api sahishnuna
amanina manadena
kirtaniyah sada harih
One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street; one should be more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and should be ready to offer all respect to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly.
======================
Now even though these instructions are on how to be chant nicely, it can also be applied to our life as well.
In other words, respect also means to push away the vices of this material world (for example pride, greed, false ego, etc.) and not let them touch you or those around you (through your actions). We should simply accept and follow the good qualities (mode of goodness that Krishna describes in the Gita).
For example, if I boast that I am better than you because I am this, this, and that. That's pride. It's already affected me, but now through my actions it might affect you in that you might respond saying "oh yeah, I'm this, this, and this"... and essentially it would start a chain reaction.
Your servant,
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
I once came across an aspiring sadhaka who came to the ISKCON temple in Kolkata, was hysterical and was insisting that she be allowed to touch the lotus feet of the lord with her hands. We then called the head priest who came and gave her permission to touch the lord's feet in a photo in a calendar. She again insisted that she be allowed to touch the lotus feet of the deity. Then the prabuji explained that we all want to touch the feet of lord. What does that mean? That means that if we follow the teachings of the lord and imbibe the way of living prescribed, then it means that we have taken the teachings to ur head. In other words, we have touched the feet of the lord.
That, according to me, is respect. When we follow the teachings of our superiors and try to imbibe their service attitue. Of course, we have to bear in mind that our senior need not be a pure devotee yet, so use our intelligence to discern which qualities to imbibe and which to ignore. We should not indulge in gossip or criticize anyone's faults. If at all we have to, it must be with the purpose of improving that devotee. In the case of seniors, its a good idea to simply tolerate.
As Srila Prabhupada propounded the concept of dasanu das, servant of the servant and of guru parampara, we should follow our seniors. This is what I understand by respect.
I hope I have made some sense to you.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi