Hare krishna....
I am practicing KC in last one and half year. 1 year before I saw one very seniour aged Pujari devotee in the temple and I felt very blissfull,pleasant I felt he is like my family member.Whenever he was looking at me I was also feeling that he also wated to speak with me.Slowly slolwly this attachment get increased and I hardly tried to approach him.
After associating with him I realized that he is also feeling very pleasant with my company.He tried to helped me to improve my devotional service and he shared some his problems ,sorrows of his life with me .Then might he though in devotional service too much attachment is not good so he tried to avoid me.But forcefully I went to him and asked him about that but he did't tell me anything real.When I realized he is really avoiding me I became very disturbed and I did't go to the temple for 3-4 days.After associating with him I realized that he is also feeling very pleasant with my company.He tried to helped me to improve my devotional service and he shared some his problems ,sorrows of his life with me .Then might he though in devotional service too much attachment is not good so he tried to avoid me.But forcefully I went to him and asked him about that but he did't tell me anything real. I told him about this attachment indirectly.When I realized he is really avoiding me I became very disturbed and I did't go to the temple for 3-4 days.He also perceived the reason that why I m not coming.But After one two days I shown him that I have changed my mood and now I m very enthusiastic for bhakti and I m trying to forget him,ignore him.But then I seen same emotions in his eyes.And I ignored him.He get disappointed and now he is not coming to temple at all.I think since last 20 yrs he regularly serves temple do deity worship.As I offended him I feel I m great offender.I have done great Vaishnav Aparadh.I disturbed him in his peaceful devotional life.I am feeling very sorrowfull.My all bhakti is lost.I could chant single round.I go to temple regularly but not for krishna but my eyes only search for this devotee. Because of me only may he maybe got fall down.I m frustrated very badly.I have taken lot of my bad habits that I was use to do previusly.I m not able to concentrate on my job atall.I am feeling very very bad guilt..please give some suggestions...
haribol
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Replies
i think better not to lament but to stand up and move forward.
by just associating few days with that Devotee and think that he left the Temple because of You is not intelligent.
we have to pray for him but try to chant attentively and improve our sadhana.
we have to try not to depend on others but only on Krishna's mercy.
Only Krishna can solve problems.
If we chant our 16 rounds and read Srila Prabhupada's books also attend Kirtans, associate with Devotees by following Vaishnava etiquette then everything will be all right.
Your servant,