How do we handle or react to the situations when our house members are not following krishna consious ways ir obstructiing us from doing the same offering prasadam or attending programmes at devotees places. Do we just concentrate on chanting or what do we do
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hare krishna,
similar problem i am facing.... i am the youngest one at home... and everyone at home they just hate iskcon..... my father dont like srila prabhupad..... and what they most dont like me becoming vegan.... as we r from north east india... ppl there just cant think of leaving fish... my parents think.... becoz of my attitude i,e. by doing mala and becoming veg , i wont be able to get gud husband. for the past 10 mtnhs i have been refraining from eating fish, egg, chicken... but few days back i was forced by all to eat egg biryani.... before eating i removed my tulsi mala..... that night i dint sleep and was just crying and was praying to krishna....
Hare Krsna Sonika Mataji,
PAMHO.
Extremely sorry to hear about your plight.
What I can say is - certain things you have to be extremely firm - like chanting your dedicated rounds and following the 4 regulative principles. Others, become more flexible than you ever were. If your family wants you to watch a movie, go with them. Nobody can control your thoughts - you can think of Krsna sitting in that movie also. You can have your private chat with Krsna telling Him your problem and asking for His mercy.
Never ask for anything more than His mercy or bhakti. The moment you ask for something specific, you limit His mercy. Then Krsna knows that you will be satisfied with just that much. But if you leave to Him, you will not be able to gauge the limits of His mercy, He can give so much.
Regarding marraige, there are marraige websites of ISKCON. You can register there and look for a devotee husband. I know of 2 - 3 websites - www.grihasta.com; www.marryadevotee.com; www.vivahamitra.com.
While choosing a devotee allaince, be very careful. Please exercise due diligence, involve some senior devotee couple who know you personally and can guide you and can find out about any prospective alliance that you come across. As you mentioned, you are the youngest and maybe its not time for your marraige now, then maybe you can inform your parents that such a thing as devotee marraige websites exist and its possible to marry a like minded devotee. Still, for that, exercise discretion and mention only if it will help you.
Maybe you can discuss with them and ask them why they hate Srila Prabhupada and ISKCON and get some senior devotee to visit your house (in plain clothes, not devotee clothes) and discuss a little about the philosophy with them. I know I am making it sound a lot simpler than it must be.
Whatever it is, continue chanting sincerely and whenever they force you to eat non veg and you have to eat, you cry in front of them and if possible, vomit. They will become tired of you and give up.
You take up more responsibility at home mataji, take care of all members personally and show them your love for them. Its a longer and more painful process for you, but they are sure to melt.
You have to convince them that it is not a timepass or a passing fancy for you. Its something much deeper and you cannot live without KC. If they love you, they are sure to come around, else Krsna will show you the way.
I sincerely feel for you and pray for you.
One recommended reading - the book The Salted Bread. It will give you strength and inspire you.
Always stay in the association of devotees and keep seeking help. Its ok. Krsna will surely help you.
Haribol,
Best of luck to you,
Your servant,
Rashmi
thank u so mataji for the good suggestions.... i was also thinking the same i have to improve my japa also read srila prabhupad's books... hoping to get krishna's mercy and praying to him continuously so that i can serve him better.
hare krishna....
Hare Krsna mataji,
PAMHO.
I completely understand your situation. In my opinion, we should tread very carefully and always strike a balance. See, we are not of the level of Jada Bharata. If we try to give up family ties without being detached mentally, we will end up like Bharata Maharaj and develop attachment for someone or something else. At the same time,we will anatagonise our family - who are all future devotees.
It is the way you behave and interact with them which will bring them to KC. You cannot actively preach, nobody listens to preaching by a family member, that too female. What you can do is chant without fail, your committed rounds every day. That will give you strength and direction on how to handle each individual situation. By chanting, you will get purified and your nature will become more sadhu like. Family members are sure to notice this and then they change. Atleast, they will approach you whenever there is any crisis and ask you to pray, because Krsna will listen to you.
In India, family is generally not against puja paath because everyone knows it is a good thing. So if you do things in moderation, or balance their requirements and your bhakti, gradually, you will bring them to KC. Even if they do not become active devotess, they will become favourable atleast. THat itself will be an achievement.
To guide you more, I will need to know more about you - are you married or single? What are you doing and a hint of what kind of obstacles you face?
Regarding not allowing you to offer food to Krsna, you simply offer mentally your plate of food before you start eating. I know this is not recommended, but Krsna eats your love, not the food you offer. He understands your situation and accepts your endeavour by clearing the obstacles in your path.
Regarding attending programs at devotees places, you have to see the time of the day, the frequency of programs, whether someone will pick or drop you and assure your family of your safety first. Bring your devotee friends casually home and introduce them to family without rubbing it in that they are devotees. Then mention that you are going out with that friend or to her house and mention the duration of stay and picking/ dropping facility. There are a lot of times I was not allowed to attend programs by my parents. They would tell me Krsna is everywhere, only if you go there, you will find Krsna, is nonsense. I listened to them and would stay at home and pray - chant, read, sing bhajans, whatever. You have to sometimes give in, and sometimes they will give in when they see your flexibility.
A woman cannot anatagonise her family and do bhakti. That is not pleasing to Krsna. You have to always find a middle path. Krsna is in your heart, He sees your sincerity and endeavour. He will make the path clear for you, have faith.
Mataji, sometimes obstacles are good, it firms up our belief and clarifies our priorities to us.
I hope I have been able to answer your queries and have not offended you.
Your servant,
Rashmi
teyHare krishna mataji, Thanks a ton for your advice will surely