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Pamho, Dandabat to all the devotees

Actually it started with an incident which I am trying to brief.

I was active in a Ritvik tg online program(Iskcon Inc), Actually there used to be regular online classes, Sp Book Reading and per month a very nice QnA session by the main Prabhuji who used to be regarded as Siksha Guru by all the members of that grp. In that tg program who were senciere devotees and used to read SP books daily and chanted sixteen rounds daily there were also used to be given online diksha and names.

So it was a very nice and uplifting period for my spiritual progress.and I liked the main Prabhuji also and his explanations but my mind couldn't cope up with the Ritvik theories and the methods of online diksha but I liked to be in there as it was very helpful for a neophyte to get spiritual guidance round the clock. And the prabhujis were also very loving and helpful. Then one night all went ashtray by a  mistake from me. In a tg grp of that association the main prabhuji was having a debate with others on the credibility of existence of satellites and he was wanting video proofs and around night Igot provoked to join the debate so with my tiny knowledge I tried presenting some proofs of images and things from internet and meanwhile the Prabhuji took my attempt to debate on this as a challenge as by that time all others accepted him that there is no credible proof of rotating satellites and seeing me trying to proof its existence going against the Prabhuji was I think seemed affronting.

So his all devoted students  got active and started reproaching me and started saying to ask for forgiveness then I got very bad feeling and felt like an atheist who is defaming their spiritual master and I was bewildered all along hundreds of messages were being written by different students to reproach me I had never faced such huge condemnation from others.

And at night in a video chat the main Prabhuji rebuked me for not having proper manners and I was also told that if I remain  like this  I will lose all my bhakti and being a teen age boy hardly rebuked by an unknown just for trying to say what we've learnt as true all these years.  And also told me that who tries to defame him  or challenge him he doesn't spare the man.this particular reaction from the guru made me feel very abominable.

Actually I believed the man was to be a loving man towards his students but this made me feel there is actually no one loving in this world except Ma Rdah Krisna and my family.

But through out the whole conversation I maintained a submissive tone But they thought I have lost my enthu and broken into parts and out of nervousness talking in that tone(but my voice seems like that).

So on the next day also After posting a sorry msg for 108 times as they told but then I also asked for some more days to see if really there exists any videos proofs of satellite.

Which I found later but couldn't send them anymore 

http://https://youtu.be/q_ADBlrIRsM?si=bm3FkR6ybzgKLax2

It triggered them a lot to go against me and more hate comments kept coming the next day too.. And on the next day I had a chat with the Prabhuji whom I thought would understand me shared my ill feelings and sthe suppression I felt by the continuous messages of his students ( who're mostly matajis) so I told the prabhuji I am ready to accept whatever you say but I am not ready to accept those matajis who were constantly portraying me as  a threat.So after this I was removed from all the groups and I was banned in the communities...

And I got really nervous by that and the threat from the Guruji of losing all my bhakti in near future was making me very tensed.

And gradually  these things happened 

• I was caught chanting in my room by my mother and my all staffs were confiscated and I was oppressed hardly.
• I got  provoked into  a relationship and which  also became a failure (I discussed in my previous blogs)
• I am still unstable in my bhakti and lost all the confidence I retained in the past days .. And mind  has also becoming very turbulent and it has become quite impossible to control.
• Also got degraded a lot in my material performances.

I would look forward for your advices and response... Forgive me fir any offence.