Hare Krishna!
I am a 25 year old woman. I wish to get married to a 38 year old man. He is 13 years elder to me. However, my parents are not agreeing to get me engaged with him owing to the huge age gap we have.
Having know this man for sometime now, I believe together we can lead a good life from all perspectives - spiritual, materialistic etc. Request all the devotees to share their thoughts.
Is it a crime to have a wish like that? Please advise.
Hari Bol!
Replies
Hare Krsna,
In his introduction to Bhagavad-gita As It Is, Srila Prabhupada explains that our inherent nature is to serve. In this world everyone is rendering service to someone, just as, for example, the wife serves the husband and the husband serves the wife. Both the wife and the husband can be enthusiastic in this service because, as Srila Prabhupada states elsewhere, 'Krsna is pleased when a Vaisnava is rendered service'. (Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila, 5.24) If our spouse is a devotee and we are sincerely serving that person, we will benefit spiritually. 'Anyone who wishes to advance in Krsna consciousness must try to serve the devotees of Krsna'. (Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila, 13.113)
'The central idea is that if the boy and girl were on an equal level the marriage would be happy, whereas inequality would lead to unhappiness'. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 9.18.23) 'Marriage and friendship are proper between two people who are equal in terms of their wealth, birth, influence, physical appearance and capacity for good progeny, but never between a superior and an inferior'. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.60.15) We want our life's companion to be a true peer.
Compatibility also includes living with our spouse's faults. Anyone can live with another's good qualities, but can you live with that person's weaknesses? After the initial period of guarded good behaviour, the character flaws we brought with us to the marriage begin to surface, and we face the pain of dealing with both our own and our spouse's shortcomings and the conflicts those create. No two people are completely compatible, and not all incompatibilities in marriage can be worked out. Sometimes inevitable differences can be laughed at, sometimes coped with, sometimes negotiated, sometimes accepted, and sometimes they are complementary. Sometimes waiting and praying is the answer. It is rewarding when, after thousands of these tribulations have come and gone, you know and honour your spouse despite the differences between you. By focusing on closeness, differences become manageable; by focusing on differences, closeness disappears.
Marriage is like a fortress created by the husband and wife to protect themselves from the powerful enemies of the uncontrolled senses and peacefully make spiritual advance-ment. 'The bodily senses are considered plunderers of the fort of the body. The wife is supposed to be the commander of the fort, and therefore whenever there is an attack on the body by the senses, it is the wife who protects the body from being smashed'. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 3.14.20)
'There is no difference between a good wife and good intelligence. One who possesses good intelligence can deliberate properly and save himself from many dangerous conditions'. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 4.26.16) 'One who is situated in household life and who systematically conquers his mind and five sense organs is like a king in his fortress who conquers his powerful enemies'. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.1.18) As in any battle, if they would be victorious, the fighters must first be enthusiastic.
haribol,
Thank You Jay Krishnan Prabhu for nice verses!
hare krishna,
for Dean Prabhu::: 12,13 or 15 age for marriage may be right in old ages thosands of years ago but it is not true in this age.
we should understand that the traditions need to be revised to be as per age otherwise they would only create troubles.
Most Humbly!
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
You have not mentioned the reason for attraction for this man - is it material (physical, emotional bond) or you are attracted to his spiritual superiority and sincerity.
Like Amal prabhu correctly said, parents are the best friends. They know us best and they have our best interests in mind. Therefore, the best persons to guide you are them. You could get a horoscope matching also done to predict what compatibility you have.
Age gap is common in ISKCON couples. It depends on the two people involved actually, whether they are willing to make this relationship work.
Haribol,
YOur servant,
Rashmi
Hare Krishna Divya mataji!
All glories to Srila prabhupada!
I am not in a position to advise you in this regard. I would like to mention that spiritual and material developments may not go hand to hand. If your prime goal is to advance in the spiritual path, then age doesn't matter. The main consideration would be spiritual depth of the person who you are going to accept as your partner in this material life. Besides, you would also like to openly discuss this matter with your parents why you are willing to marry that person. Your parents are your best friends. May be they will be able to open your eyes and guide you to the right path of your married spiritual life.
Above all, I believe marriage has already been determined by Krishna based on your Karma of this life and also your previous lives. You better ask Krishna while meditating upon Him and praying to Him. You will get the appropriate answer.
Wish your continuous spiritual development.
Please accept my dandvat pranam!
Hare Krishna!
Your insignificant servant,
Amal
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