Marriage with non-devotees

I'd like to hear from other people who's spouse is not self realized and how you make it work. We seem to no longer have anything in common or share the same interests, values and goals, especially in parenting. Any words of advice or encouragement?

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  • Hare Krishna

    The fact is that everyone thinks their way is the best and only way. This is natural, but this does cause conflict. Even within Sanatan-Dharma, there are so many paths and they all think their way is the best.

    I have done a lot of research and thought into this issue of getting others to understand the Vedic religion based on their own religion.The only way to avoid conflict is to show them a link between the Vedic teachings and theirs.

    I have written 'The Vedic Elements in Islamic Teachings'. I am developing similar writing for Christians.

    Send me email for my writings.




  • E-Counselor

    Hare Krsna Mataji,


    Firstly, my sympathies. I understand how difficult it can be, but you still have to make it work That is called marriage.

    FOr your spouse, if he is following some other faith, you should show respect, even go to Sunday church or some such thing with him, with the understanding that he will come with you for the Sunday Feast program in your temple - you can have a pact to do this once a month. Preaching to him will not have any impact, you have to demonstrate, preach without opening your mouth, which is always the more difficult thing to do.

    Secondly, regarding children, obviously your way of bringing up will be very different from his. You can show him things like - if children learn Sanskrit, it increases their brain power. So maybe we should teach them some shlokas. The advantage is - our scriptures are timeless. We have to simply adapt them to our modern times, so that children find it relevant. Before going to bed, make them read one story from Krishna book. If your spouse objects, tell him anyways children read fairy stories before going to bed, this is another type of fairy story - it is character building at the same time. He doesn't agree, just do it on the sly.

    I can understand the confusion that can arise in the mind of the child when they hear one thing from you and another radically different from your partner. Maybe you could have a chat with him on how the children need to be brought up and who has the upper hand in bringing up children, mother or father. In India, these things are sorted. Men seldom take part in bringing up children - it is the job of the mother and elderly to give them values.

    Mataji, maybe if you open up a little and give few examples of incidents, I would be better placed to say what can be done.

    Remember one thing, we cannot change anyone else. We have to work on changing ourselves.

    Whatever the situation, you be firm on your personal sadhana, even if you are not able to teach your children anything. The kids will look at you and learn mataji. Krsna will make your path smooth, these obstacles are just to make your resolve stronger.

    Best of luck mataji.

    Hang on there, in the marriage as well as in the devotion.


    Your servant,

    Radha Rasamayi DD

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