Hare Krishna!
PAMHO
I have been thinking about this for very long and i finally decided to ask this question... i have heard in hari kathas that our coming in spirituality isn't our choice, it lord krishna's but i couldn't understand one thing... then why would he choose me?
i am bad at anything i try to do, my self esteem is reallly low, i can't even make proper friends, and my mental health is very bad even though it should be good atleast at my age, it bad enough that i have resorted to means of self harm too (i scratch my hand all the time.) it's not that i'm good at spirituality either, the only thing i can do in spirituality is think of lord krishna and ever since i got to know that he's the supreme personality of godhead, it gets awkward for me to think about him. i would have consulted a therapist for my self harming but i can't do that either because after coming in spirituality i realised that i have to act that i'm happy all the time because otherwise people ask me "you are a devotee of krishna! how can you be sad?" so now i just have to keep it all inside me all the time otherwise i'll become a negative brand ambassador of bhakti
see how hopeless i am? i understand how big of a thing it is to love krishna ji so why would he give that opportunity to me when i can't even get my own act together? is it some sort of lucky draw through which lord krishna choose who will get the chance of becoming a devotee? if not, then how does he choose?
Hare Krishna
(sorry about my rant in between😅 just wanted to show how there could have been better choices)
Replies
Hare Krishna,
What is this new angle. I didn't expect that you are going down in mental health scrating hands etc. when stressed. Not able to make friends.. You are just 14-15 yr old girl. What stress you will have? If you were a middle aged woman I would say okay. ( lot of stress, handling family, handling job, handling kids, inlaws so many things). This is just a start of ur life. You should just see world explore new things. Play and study. Max.. your life have only two things to focus.. play nicely exahust urself and study well get good grades..
Is that so stressful to get good grades?? And pls. don't tell me I have no friends? You are making this a big scene. As if friends are only life? Became an adult now.. learn to accept things they are. You have biggest friend of all times.. Lord Sri Krishna with you. You have Radharani too.
Why you should even feel Lonely or sad? You are speaking here to me, to Radha Rasmai DD Mata ji, to Anusha TR, to Prachi Sharma. You urself don't add us ..
Do one thing make a whatsapp group or... make a discord channel.. Add us all. We shall all talk to you. Be ur friends. I don't understand What makes u feel you are lonely.
These days Real time playing outside in parks is gone. kids playing vid. games and enjoying online.. so only no one is really becoming close friends..
Iphone, ipad and different apps have become best friends for the kids then real life friends.
Virtual world is dominating real friendships.
So don't think you are the only one who is suffering and you are the only one who is not having friends.
Remove this idea from you that you have no one. Books are best companion and friend they say. You also love reading and writing .. Why don't you enjoy that.
Do one thing.. Make a blog and write poems send us all the address we all can comment on it.. I showed u some blog where you can add ur poems.. Post it here.. We can check it sometimes and add our comments.
If you want we all r there. You have a sister at home.. She is also ur friend. Can teach her something.
You can do some tutoring part time.. There by gain some audience.. You can make some friends like that. Teach science or math or English. So many pupils come to learn.. u will get some pocket money as well as some friends or you can just do volunteering jobs.
Volunteer at a temple nearby.. ask them if they need any seva. engange urself like that thereby you can make contacts and friends.
Whenever stressed avoid ur hand and try to make urself busy at that time enage ur hands into some works. This will make you get distracted from the scratching hand.
I tell you this is start... If you don't curb this habit it becomes OCD and you cannot stop it later on.
Don't Tell me all this I am suicidal that this.. I don't understand at ur age who will be like this? Simply making things very complicated.
Krishna choses your love.. why would HE do that?? He has so many options apart from me??
This is not ur decision. What is ur main aim is how to please Krishna and how to make ur life peaceful so that you can give more and more time for Krishna.
I love Krishna
That is really great!!!
How many of the girls of ur age say that?? tell me????
Most of the girls are saying I love Anshuman Khuraana or some Siddharat malhotra or some Hritthik etc. whoever they maybe or some cricket stars. many girls even say they are attracted to some young boys at schools or college.
You are lucky you are getting attracted to Krishna. It is Krishna's mercy!!!!
Why Krishna is so merciful on you? and what is special in you that He is showering such mercy???
Krishna's decision. Krishna showers CAUSELESS MERCY on some. We cannot gauge HIS ways.. Why He attracts someone to HIM. What is there to them that they get mercy.
Look at the HIPPIES during Srila Prabhupada times.. They were drug addicts, they were, sex offenders, they were pork and beef eaters, they were into gambling, they were liars ..they did what not. Tell me one thing WHY KRISHNA SHOWERS HIS love on them? what for???? Is there anything that attracted Krishna to them.
Krishna showers causeless mercy thats all. Don't keep wasting time thinking why Krishna should select you. Spend time thinking how merciful is Krishna on me. So what Should I do to please Him now?
I will tell you a case.. I painted a seascape and posted it to sell it on some website. I never expected that anyone will come to take it also. So I keep at a very low price. You know I do paintings of Lord Sri Krishna and Radharani most of the time. But some out of the blue i paint some sceneries also. So, I felt I must post it sell few of these sceneries as they are occupying too much space in my studio. I didn't want to sell Radha Krsna paintings so I never posted them. One lady suddenly from somewhere sent message saying she likes the painting.. She will want to come and have a look first. I said okay come.. But she never came again. So, I forgot about it. Later after 2 months she again sent message saying she is going past by my place so can I visit your home and take a look at the painting and buy it also. I said sure come.
She comes in yesterday and pays me money and brought the painting. And saw all other Krishna's paintings. She is American lady. She knows about Hare Krishnas but she saw all my Krishna paintings and asked me.. WHO IS KRISHNA? WHY IS HE BLUE? WHO is Jagannatha? who is the lady next to Krishna? Where did they meet? how come cows are sacred in ur religion?
Why don't you eat cows but drink its milk?
I answered all her questions and felt Oh this Krishna arranged this meeting ( not for selling my painting I just got few dollars for it) but It is for making her know who is Krishna. Now the inquisitive mind of that Lady will surely probe into ... Who is Krishna.
She was mesmersized by the Krishna's paintings itself. I felt aaahah HAHAH what will happen to her If she gets mesmerized with bhakti and love for Krishna.
What made her come to me to know who is krishna.
In this life time if she probes deep into who is this blue avatar who is Krishna.. ?? in next janam she will surely start her bhakti yoga or maybe this life itself she will start.. Look at how Krishna does changes in people. How He attracts people who are totally leading materialistic life suddenly change to KC.
What do you think about it? Why simply say Krishna has many options them me. Why He chose me. Tell me why He chose robber murderer Ratnakara to write Ramayaana and become Valmiki?
Why Srila Prabhupada chose hippies only and brought change in them? IT is all leela of Lord And His Causeless Mercy!
Say thanks to Krishna and proceed further in bhakti how to please Krishna? this should be our quest!
Hare Krishna
Hare Krishna
Hare Krishna Mata ji!
thank you so much for your wonderful advice mata ji! i will surely do this... i don't have my own phone so i might not be able to make a discord group or whatsapp but the rest i will try to follow your advice as much as i can. actually about the stress thing, my mind is making up many scenarios and i start contemplating on them and i understand that we are the soul not the body but when everybody is laughing about my body and my face, being a simple teenager, i get conscious about it and start hating it... i know i'm too sensitive and shouldn't care about such things but sometimes i can't help it and i get overwhelmed on stupid things very easily and my mind makes it worse by starting to judge everything i do even more. it's my fault i know but i'm trying to overcome it...
(p.s did you make that art? it's so so so pretty! Haribol!)
Hare Krishna!
Oh body and face all are laughing at ur physique and you are shy going out to meet people and make friends is it?
Well, The body and face is not made by you. Neither their body and face is theirs. If they judge you for body and face then they are just fools. I don't think you need a company of bunch of such fools. Better to be away from a fool.
Most beautiful is only Krsna rest all those who feel themselves as beautiful are only fooling themselves.
ya I made this art.. You write a poem on it. will you pls.?
The theme of this art is Lord is waiting for Radharani..and thinking about her in deep thoughts. Oh when will my beloved come here! when will she finish all the chores and let go all her bondages and come back to ME.
Lord is waiting for us also Like this. Btw.
Hare Krishna Mata ji!
Such a beautiful concept! i will definitely write a poem on it... it might take some time but it'll be completed by the end of march (my exams are going on... in my free time i had asked this...wish me luck!)
Hare Krishna