Dear All,
PAMHO - AGTSP
I have committed a sin, and I need the guidance of all devotees and the Lord here to guide my way forward.
I was gifted a beautiful idol of Laddu gopal by a relative some 3 years back. I was well aware of the fact they have to be taken care of like a child. I was very sincere fulfilling my duties towards Him with true love and devotion. I used to bathe Him and offer Him bhog as told by the elders in the family. But slowly the pace slowed down. Then I used to offer Him bhog every day, but bathing was missed sometimes, as I am working and I was not able to manage this everyday.
I came across a devotee then, and she guided me saying that bathing the deity daily is not important, but the frequency should be regular. So, dutifully this converted to - bathing HIM every weekend and making offerings daily (though once in a while, even offering was missed).
However, looks like Gopalji is not happy with me. My motivation and faith has been going down since then. The latest status is - once in a month I am able to bathe my Laddu Gopal ji and I don't even remember to offer Him bhog daily. I don't understand where my bhakti has vanished. I have the same daily schedule which I had when He initially entered my house. I was able to bathe Him daily with full devotion, and He was always in my mind, so I never forgot to offer him everything that was cooked in my house.
As a background, I have been trying to concieve a baby since long, but no luck so far. I used to chant Santana Gopal mantra everyday, but even that has NOT worked for me.
I feel I am a dejected, miserable soul and the Lord has abandoned me, so my bhakti, faith and trust is diminishing every passing day. I understand that I am committing a great sin by not doing my duties towards Laddu Gopal. Should I do a "visarjan" of the beloved lord in my house? or give Him to a temple?
So many times, I have made a decision that I will resume serving HIM as I used to do when He came home, but very soon, the enthusiasm dies. I see "visarjan" or temple as the only path.
I request all to please guide me and get me out of committing this sin everyday.
Thanks. Sonali
Replies
Hare Krishna Sonali Mataji!
PAMHO!
First of all thank you Soanli Mataji and thanks to all who responded to her valuable questions. I learnt a lot from your questions and answers. Sonali Mataji, I would like to mention that Krishna is more merciful than we can even imagine. As soon as you have decided to serve Krishna, you have already been placed in a position of an exalted devotee as you always are. I would like you to have another look at the following verse of the Bhagavad Gita:
Bg 9.30
api cet su-duracaro / bhajate mam ananya-bhak
sadhur eva sa mantavyah / samyag vyavasito hi sah
Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated in his determination.
Although I am not a significant soul, I will certainly pray for you to Krishna so that He bless you with a child as per your desire. I also request other devotees to pray for you Mataji.
Hare Krishna!
Amal
I will talk to my Gopalji from today! Thanks :)
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
What has happened has happened - from today I will do a new beginning. With this thought, pray to your Laddu Gopal ji that I want to pray to You and serve You, please allow me to do so, teach me what to do and how to do and make the environment in my house conducive to unhindered devotional service.
I always tell everyone to keep the standard of deity worship simple in households - esp where the lady of the house is working. Whatever standard of worship you set in your house, you have to necessarily follow. The days you cannot do deity worship, your husband or any other family member has to do.
You make a vow that you will not eat anything without offering to your Laddu Gopal. Then you will remember to feed Him. All these 3 years, you did not forget to eat na, you only forgot to offer - so make it a point to offer and then only eat.
Secondly, you need to start chanting - please find out what is the congregational development program in your local ISKCON temple and join that. You can also tell us your city so that we can find out and tell you waht is the preaching activity undertaken in your city and get you in touch with the right people. It is difficult to chant with out aassociation, therefore you associate.
Minimum one arati a day, put Gopal ji to sleep and wake Him the next morning. Offer Him prasad, abhishek can be done fortnightly, every ekadasi or once a month - depends on your convenience. But follow consistently whatever routine you set up.
THe most important thing for you would be to associate. The rest will happen. Until such time, you re start the seva TODAY. Remember there is no tomorrow.
Regarding conceiving, I have heard that one who is stressed out or worries too much cannot conceive. You leave that to Krsna. He has already come to your house in child form, you take care of Him in that form and continue with your efforts. You may take medical help if required. A lot of couples nowadays have to take medical help to conceive. These things you would already know - there would be some family member or friend already guiding you - so no need for us to tell you anything.
What Veeral Prabhu mentioned about samskaras are important - you may want to educate yourself about Garbadhan Samskaar. Remember - God's delays are not God's denials.
Best of luck,
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi
Hare Krsna Mataji,
Thanks for your valuable guidance and suggestion. I will start the daily routine immediately. The idea of first offering everything and then eating looks practical. I hope God gives me His Blessings and devotion to start this and continue on it.
I will ask forgiveness to God for the wrong I have done by ignoring Him for so long time. Is there any task that I should do to get rid of this sin?
I live in Noida and ISKCON temple here is very close to my house. I visit there often but we don't know anyone there. If you can help me get associated with someone and guide me to chanting, it would be really really helpful. I can be reached at sonali dot agrawal dot 14 at gmail.com
I am also keen to know about Garbadhan samskaar as advised by you and Veeral Prabhu.
Last but not the least - I believe you need to have great faith in God to believe that His delay is not His denial. And I lack that. The confidence that you show when you write this tells that you know God will listen to you some day. But I can't convince myself to be patient. All sorts of negative thoughts surround me.
May I request all you pious souls to pray to God to bless us with Bhakti and a pious child. I think He listens to larger group faster that one single devotee like me.
Haribol,
Sonali
Mail sent to the id mentioned is bouncing. Pls mail me at rashmi.khaitan@ril.com t enable me to connect you to some devotees in Delhi.
Haribol
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
The Noida temple is recently opened. When you visit next time, ask to meet the Temple President and find out from him what preaching program is going on. In all probability, there would not be any elaborate preaching program on so soon. I will try to put you on to someone I know in Delhi.
Since you are close to the temple, it would be a good idea to visit the temple everyday. THe best time is Mangalarati - 4.30 am. It may be a little difficult for you right now to get up so early and be out of the house so early. THe next best time is 7.30 am to 8.30 - 9.00 am, darshan arati, guru puja and Srimad Bhagawatam class. Since you are working, I can imagine the strain it will put on your daily routine. Then the next best thing to do is to do a flying visit everyday - either on your way to office or back - just say hello (Hare Krsna) to Bhagwanji and come out. You will see the difference it makes to your consciousness. One thing you can do every time you visit is - thank Him for calling you to the temple and ask for Him to call you/ allow you to visit the temple again the next day. I know it sounds silly, it has worked wonders for me.
Is there any task that I should do to get rid of this sin? - No, there is nothing specific that you can do. Simply bow your head to Him everyday and pray to Him that He gives you the power, strength, time and inclination to take His name everyday and to serve Him. We all think we are doing great service, but actually, we cannot even take His name even once without His will and causeless mercy. You pray for that causeless mercy. Thats why its called causeless, you have done wrong, still He will be merciful and forgive you.
Regarding patience - life has a way of teaching us every lesson we dont want to learn. If you ask me - who wants to be patient? Wouldnt we all want instant answers and rewards? Still, we have to learn the hard way the virtues of patience. Now you examine your own situation - you are unabel to conceive as of now, what can you do - 2 choices - one be impatient, feel inadequate, miserable, sorry for yourself, depressed and lonely, always hankering for the one thing you dont have and forgetting to appreciate and thank for the 10 things you have. The other choice is to keep the faith on God and believe in Him. By following the first path, the consequences you are already experiencing, by following the second path, you will pray more fervently, have faith, this will keep you away from frustration to a large extent and you will grow spiritually. That choice is yours - what have you achieved by not keeping the faith and being impatient?
Think this way - if your wish is not being fulfilled, then someone else's wish is being fulfilled. Who is that someone else? God? So if God's wish is superceding your wish, then definitely it is for your own good.
My own experience of life is that - when I stop hankering for something, as in, when it stops to matter to me whether I have something I was yearning for or not, then and only then I get it. It keeps me so grounded. I have already gone through the two choices I have mentioned above for you and arrived at FAITH after a lot of struggle and pain. Please pray for faith. The beauty of spirituality is that you can pray to attain spirituality, the path is the goal.
I hope I have been able to explain and not taken up too much of your time. Sorry, I have a habit of writing looooong posts.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi