Hare Krishna,
What is the Krishna Conscious solution for violent and abusive relationships?
Should a woman leave her husband? Will it not be a Vaishnava aparadha? What is the husband is not at all a devotee to start with and neither is aspiring to be one? Will leaving consitute bad karma?
Replies
Hare Krishna Sharanagat Prabhu, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Unfortunately, You are not only in such a situation.
Whole world is acting, working, earning money, dying, taking birth ...just to run around this desire :"sex"
or desire for opposite sex.
There are 24 hours in a day. From those 24 at least 2 hours we have to think of Krishna when we chant His Holy Names. And other 22 You can think of her.
----------
In the reality why Krishna says us not to become attached to material things? He does not force us to serve to Him or to think of Him. Just He knows that when we too much attached to temporary things we will suffer. For example, girl loves a boy and boy dies then she will be in a situation of "picking up her hair" - mad.
Why to suffer so much? How many times heart will tolerate such like depressions?
Better to be attached to Krishna-Supreme Husband, real Friend, Beloved Mother and Father. He never dies, never leaves us. He does not have any defects, bad qualities. He will never betray us.
It does not mean that You have to forget about Your wife. But if You start to think of Krishna and control Your senses then be sure that she will come to You herself when she starts to see the real qualities of a real gentlemen.
Your servant,
Hare Krishna Bhaktin Maral Mata, please accept my humble obeisances!
I want to share something I learned recently. When I visited temple, I learned during sermon on three gunas and how food changes mind and behavior. And then as I read Shrimad Bhagavatam, in http://vedabase.net/sb/1/9/27/, I learned how ascetics never get angry. I know a wise person in India, who never gets angry or at least I have never seen it. I used to get short tempers.
For me these line made me think:
"To get freedom from anger, one should learn how to forgive.To be free from unlawful desires one should not make plans. By spiritual culture one is able to conquer sleep. By tolerance only can one conquer desires and avarice." I forgave people on small mistakes, never on big things. Only exception were my kids and wife, wife got less of it, much less. Most of the time I was not forgiving and I kept getting angry and angrier. My unlawful desires were reflective of plans. I did not unlearn it.
I wondered how come people in the sect are so humble and forgiving. My grandmother lost her two kids in family fued. She forgave them and actually helped them raise their kids and gave them a good piece of property. She never got angry at anyone ever.
Another one that I liked:
http://www.srichinmoy.org/resources/library/stories/puranas/bhrighu...
If you know of some nice pointer on humbleness, please share it with me. At this time, all I know is to hear Bhajans that make humble, apart from giving pleasure. I need more on humbleness. It will bring more peace inside me, I am empty vessel who does not have anything to contain inside.
Hare Krishna Sharanagat Prabhu, please accept my sincere obeisances! all glories to Srila Prabhupada!
this world is made of problems. If one problem ends begins another. we will get as much happiness and distress as we deserve by our karma.
because of that no need to worry too much about these problems. Good things also will see the end bad things also will see the end.
If it is destined for You to have good family then You will have it. If not, again no need to worry too much and loose hope in life.
Anyway, if You need something, even material things, then we have to ask from Krishna no one else. You can go to the Temple and pray to Krishna's Deity to help You. To do something. And also find friends among Devotees. They will be happy to guide You and help You in difficulties.
Our first duty and worry should be: "how to chant and attentively listen the Holy Names Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare" then believe me, You will be fully satisfied.
When we take care of Krishna, chanting His Holy Names, offering Prasadam to Him, serving to Him, serving to His Devotees...Krishna will take care of us and of our material problems. It is not difficult for Him to do so. He created whole world with just a glance. So what a difficulty for Him take care of one insignificant soul?
Your servant,
Hare Krsna Maral mata jee, please accept my sincere obeisances! All glory to Srila Prabhupada.
I understand your advice on asking Krsna for material things. I read it in Bhagvatam.
I also read the following, which describes my state of mind. (canto 4)
http://vedabase.net/sb/4/26/24/en
"A vaisnava-aparādha cannot be atoned for by any means other than by begging the pardon of the offended Vaisnava."
Hare Krishna Sharanagat Prabhu, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Once, Lord Indra by the curse had to fall to the Earth planet and take birth in the form of a pig. So now he was a he-pig. He married to she-pig. Then they had lots of nice children-pigs. They enjoyed life eating their daily food...they loved each other very much. Then by seeing Indra in that pitiful condition Narada Muni (if i do not mistake with it) called him back to his abode in heaven. But Indra in a pig body told that no,no he can not leave his beloved children and devoted, beautiful wife.
Narada Muni again and again told him that he is Indra the Lord of all demigods and he deserves much more better life rather than being a pig.
But Indra was fully satisfied with his life with his present family and refused to go.
Then by the will of destiny, his wife was killed before his eyes by butchers, he suffered, cried. then his children were killed. he again lamented. then he himself lost his head (he was killed also).
-----------
In this way Krishna is saying to us: "Come, i will give You eternal love, eternal happiness, eternal youth, eternal family members..." But we refuse.
Material World is the reflection of the Spiritual World. Whatever is here is There also. There we will have our family, husband, wife, children, relatives, houses, cows, lands...and plus there we will live eternally. There is no death and lose.
There is no suffering, old age, death, disease, ugliness...
But in order to reach that place we are asked to pay one life. We lived billion lives. because of that now we are billionaires. So what is the difficulty for a billionaire to give one ruppee for charity????
We are asked only one life to think of Krishna chanting His Holy Names and go back to Him. It is not difficult. Even kids can do that.
We lived already 20-30 years, and who knows, if there is left only 10-20 years to live?
Then is it difficult to think of Krishna those 20 years and eternally be happy in His association?
It does not mean You should not take care of Your family members or not to love them. It means take care of them and always chant the Holy Names and do not worry and desire material things. Krishna knows what to give You what to take away from You. So there is no need to be disturbed.
Your servant,
Hare Krishna Maral Mata jee, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
I understand your point and it is not mere moha on my part that is issue. Had it been moha, it could have been easier.
I will sight example: I was bad with kids. While I helped them be best in their grade and in extra curricular and I will ask my wife to accompany them, when they win prize. I always gave her the glory of mother's pleasure. But I slapped kids on their face few times and used ruler on back until a year and half back. Once my daughter bled and then only I stopped. What is the point of raising kids like high performing machine when they cannot enjoy life?
But with my wife, I did not correct my mistake in time. Now when I know I was extremely wrong, it hurts. As I learned with my kids, force is not the way to raise kids, I realize it now that force was NEVER to be used with wife, not even in worst of worst. Force here means physical as well verbal and emotional too.
This is the reason of my pain and not moha. When I see how good she was with me all these years and even now that she is as good as she can be, it hurts inside. I am burning inside for my wrongdoing with her. There could be 100 reasons in modern life, like my raising and what I saw, but honestly, none is valid. Modern life is misleading. The only thing is that I did wrong, I made mistake - that is the only fact only truth at this time for me. I cannot see beyond this if I cannot fulfill my karma with her and kids.
MahaMantra definitely gave me more strength to bear the pain of my wrongs. Bhajans calm me down but when I sleep, I feel the pain inside me again.
Mata jee, there is no debt merely for wife. Sometimes debt is on husband. That is why we are put to task to fulfil wife and kids as much. Husband is compared to God. Her parents washed my feet in line with Hindu marriage. Her mother asked me after marriage to take care of her and her father(who is no more), first time when I met, I still remember look in his eyes that I am right person for his most lovely daughter. I did not fulfill them. it is big burden, I cannot ask forgiveness from them, but I can with my wife.
If you could put something from the angle of my mistake, it will help more.
Your servant,
Sharangat
Hare Krishna Sharanagat Prabhu, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
hope, i do not write too long that makes trouble to You to read!
Whole my life my parents never ever did not beat me even sometimes i was mischievous. But when i was nearly 5-6 years old i remember how my father did something which shocked me and made me tremble. since that i still remember his face in that mood and it made a painful hole in my heart.
He found my sister's school love letter and became angry. and when we were sitting for lunch together, he still was angry and throe the spoon to the side of my sister and shouted: "how you behave, brining shame to our family????" Fortunately spoon did not touch her and she crying went.
That his face still horrifies me.
What to speak of beating a child and brining to the condition of bleeding?
What kind of heart one must have to do so?
Maybe child now won't say to You anything but she will become fearful and mentally sick. she will remember it whole life. Do not think that children will forget something!
And those memories will spoil her life. Did You think of those things, Prabhu?
-----------
First we have to understand that nothing in this world belongs to US!!!!
We do not have right even kill an ant what to say of killing a child (i mean even killing mentally)?
We do not have right to beat our wife. She is not ours, she is property of Krishna. Plus she is a Vaishnavi who is protected by Lord Nrisimha Himself.
As like Prahlad Maharaja's Father Hiranyakashipu wanted to kill his son. But at least Lord Nrisimha Dev appeared and destroyed him into pieces.
So, at least think of this! Vaishnav is very dear to Krishna.
Your servant,
Hari Bol!
Bhaktin Nama Priya jee,
As an ignorant soul that I am, may I ask few questions to you, since my life has been parallel from other side where agression was done.
I would like to know what my wife would have thought in such a situation:
If a person, for the first time in his entire life, folds his hands on his chest and as a witness to Sri Hari apologizes and tells his wife that he will want to serve her with dignity, so that kids can learn and grow right, is he still fallen? Will his Vaishnav wife forgive him?
If a person who WAS deep Krsna Bhakt in the past and due to some worldly reasons forgot it and now is back, will he not qualify as a devotee? Is he still an outcast? Person who kept his Srimad Bhagvat Geeta with him all his life, until recently, for over 32 years, is he still not a follower?
If a person is born Shakta and practiced Shaivism, is he disqualified to chant Hare Krishna? He had no access to practice Vaishnava path in his life and his wife always hid it from him, never took pain to introduce him to the path. Except his marriage and one visit to Vrundavan as a kid, he never saw a Vaishnava temple, until recently when he visited one. Co-incidently, his Kuldevi and Kuldevta are Radha-Govind, even though he comes from Shakta clan, somehow. That was only exposure for him.
If a person accepts all his mistakes of past in one go, is he still fallen? Is he still fallen, if he is serving Govind Madhav and has let his ego on HIS feet and sought the blessings from Radhe Krsna? In order to qualify, he left non-veg voluntarily over a period of time, left all things aside, will he still be called fallen?
If the person bowed his head on Srila Prabhupada's feet and sought his guidance, is he still outcast?
Will someone tell me what Srila Prabhupada will say on such a fallen soul? Person is in a condition worse than animals in cage, he cannot see one of his kids, can see other kid and talk briefly twice a week - that is it. He cannot talk to his wife, although he is repenting for his mistakes and has accepted to the world and more than that with Radha-Madhav. He is not even allowed to accept his mistake and apologize, his wife is not allowing even this.
Still somehow he is suppsed to behave rational, without display of any emotion, including his repentance? He longs for pure food and that he wants serve his wife and family with right dignity all his life.
He has served her right in all other matters, each and every thing. What Bhaktin Maral Mata said, he needs undivided attention from his wife. He gives undivided surrender to her on all her asks and never made fatal attempt but did display anger and threats. He never hurt her in sense of hurting(damaging).
When he was ahead in practices, few years back - he invited his wife to join. In all his prayers, he still keeps his wife. In chant also, he still shares his half with her. Is he still fallen? What is his recourse to fulfill his karmas?
He, for not fulfilling his karma owards his wife and kids, goes to Radhe Krsna and prays that may HE absolve the sin that she is forcing him to do.
Let me know if that is a Vaishnav life and if that is a Bhaktin way? I would like to know how you as a Bhaktin would react to it?
My wife is a pretty evolved soul herself, extremely dedicated. But somehow she is not able to see that all her extremes done to me are my acceptance to my own mistake and hence no reaction.
We all are karaks, certainly AdiPurush is the doer. But my soul as karak, fulfilled her desires taking all the pain in that path. I could have been fallen in not fulfilling her and kept myself selfish. In my entire married life, I never ate before she did and I never slept when she was in trouble or pain. i have myself never cared as much for myself in trouble or pain ever.
My all good acts for her, she says was given by Krishna and my bad acts are mine! She is not able to see that there is Krishna inside me too as much as HE is in all of us.
Let me know your thoughts.
Bhaktin Maral Mata jee and Gopal Das Prabhu jee please guide.
Hare Krishna everyone,
Thank you very much Gopal das prabhuji. Learnt some points which concern me as well. Thanks.
Hare Krsna NamaPriya mataji,
I am a very neophyte devotee, so not in a position to give any advice.
But one thing that I can surely tell is pray...and ask others to pray for you. Krsna will come to rescue..
and have faith.. Time will change..This is the law of nature -pleasure and pain, good and bad.
I have known people who have had very bad experiences and were at the receiving end of physical beating by parents..just think of that boy(my close frnd), he used to see violent beating of his mother by his father often and was not able to help her.he knew who was right, but could not help his mother..
Personally,I wud suggest that c become self-sufficient in terms of earning and taking care of children...of course c needs to be humble and submissive to her husband,the husband may be beating her cuz he thinks c is dependent on him for evrything, especially for her own living. if that is the case,become self-sufficient and along with that follow all other KC principles.
ys
rakesh roshan
-
1
-
2
-
3
-
4
-
5
of 6 Next